People are always asking how they'll know when they've found The One, when it's time to settle down for good and get married. But what I'm here to tell you is, you may already be "married" and not even know it
I've been in an unmarried long-term relationship for years, which comes with its fair share of marginalization. No matter how long you've been committed to somebody, most people won't really recognize the capital-S Seriousness of your partnership without the "legally binding" part.
Look, guys -- there are more things that bind two people together forever than a marriage license. As everybody who's been in a long-term relationship -- married or not -- knows, there's much more to being married than the piece of paper from the city hall. So I've prepared a some handy proof for us marrieds to keep on hand for the inquisitive and unbelieving.
Caution -- if you're in a loving, committed partnership, you may be more married than you think.
If you've ever popped a zit in front of someone else, or FOR someone else, I hate to break it to you, but you're so
married. This goes doubly for ingrown hairs. Once you've done this for somebody, there is no going back.Farting
Whether they are loud and proud or quiet and stinky, if you've farted around someone, you've taken the bond to the next level. It's the intimacy equivalent of getting on one knee in an Italian piazza and proclaiming your undying love. When my guy farts in front of me all I can think is, I love you too, honey
. When you get a warning that it's gonna stink, and you should get away or even leave the room ... this is true love.
Plucking Your Chin Hairs
When you do this in front of him, or he helpfully reminds you to, or you spend a portion of Saturday morning trimming his ear hair, please tell me where I can send your immersion blender, because sorry, you're married. How does it feel? Fancy, right?
Laundering the Other Person's Dirty Drawers
If you've done this for someone... YOU'RE MARRIED. There are things seen in this process that cannot be unseen.
Anything Non-Sexual Involving the Ass
If you've helped your partner with constipation, fetched him more toilet paper mid-poop or listened to his story about his medical enema or the intestinal tear that required stool softeners, you are utterly MARRIED. This is a bond with that person for eternity, like having group sex or accidentally murdering somebody together.
Now, I realize a lot of this is gross, and that some people argue that you shouldn't fart around or pop zits for or give enemas to somebody you love. But it's this form of metaphorically walking down the aisle that I've done thousands of times that makes my relationship just as real and true and intimate as somebody who's had to hire a florist to legitimize their union.
I could go on, obviously, but I want to hear from you ... what are the things that you think bond a couple together on a more intimate level? I'd love to hear your stories.
CJ Arabia is a blogger and crafter who is happily "married." Her first-person blog, "How to Get Laid ... Off" runs regularly on Lemondrop.