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There's no doubt about it: Breaking up is hard to do. There's heartache, separation anxiety, what ifs -- not to mention getting your stuff back. But does it have to be that way? Or is it possible to do a slow fade on a relationship?

This is the intriguing premise of "Breaking Upwards," a new film based on the experience of real-life couple Daryl Wein ("The Hebrew Hammer") and Zoe Lister Jones ("Salt"), in theaters and available On Demand today.

The film follows a codependent pair who, bored with their relationship, opt to take a break with the goal of maybe, eventually, actually breaking up. They craft rules to govern the transition, and begin by taking days off from couplehood, before graduating to seeing other people while still seeing each other. But when they make the leap to sleeping with others, while still kinda/sorta being together, jealousy abounds and madness ensues. The couple co-wrote the film, which Wein (above) directed. And yes, they're still together. After the jump, they tell Lemondrop why this brave new relationship experiment worked for them -- and why it might work for you.


Lemondrop: This is something you two actually did. How autobiographical is the movie?
Zoe Lister Jones: We did embark on that very experiment about two years into our relationship, which we're now about six years into. I initially didn't want to be part of the creative process because it was when we decided to start taking days off from one another and having all these intricate rules placed upon a long-term breakup. That was when Daryl was like, This would be a really funny movie. And we were both sort of laughing at ourselves, but I wasn't at a place yet where I felt I wanted to translate it into [a movie].

Daryl Wein: I was like, Screw Zoe! I'm making this into a movie!

ZLJ: He took it to our mutual friend Peter Duchan, and they started working on it. And then I came on about a year later. So a lot of it has been fictionalized in the meantime, but the broad strokes are based on our story.

Why did you feel the need to embark on this kind of experiment?
DW: We hit that two-year mark and we were young -- we met at NYU when we were 19 and 21 years old. I think we were struggling with the issues a lot of couples struggle with in the beginning of their relationships, which are independence and the thought of other people. So we hit that wall, and I think that's what propelled us into entering this type of open relationship.

What kind of parameters did you set for yourselves at the start, and how did they evolve as time went on?
ZLJ: We introduced rules progressively so it wasn't as hard a pill to swallow. We started by negotiating days on and off, and we set specific days out of the week. That way, it was never like, "Tonight I don't want to see you," and it helped us not take space from one another personally.

And as we settled into the days off, we introduced the idea of other people and had a sort of "don't ask, don't tell" policy. We lived within those bounds for about a year. But our generation is so addicted to technology that it really does affect our relationships, specifically as compared to the relationships our parents might have had when they were our age.

You even make jokes about Facebook.
ZLJ: Yeah! There are a lot of ways to keep up with someone even if you're not speaking, unfortunately.

Not everything goes smoothly in the movie, particularly when other people are thrown into the mix. What was it like to revisit some of those events while you were making the film?
ZLJ: I think it was in the writing process that it was the most difficult. Once we were in production, we both had so many responsibilities on set that I don't think there was that much actually discussion about how reenacting our life was making us feel. But while we were writing it, it definitely forced us to have some intense conversations.

You guys are still together, so it seems like the experiment worked for you.
DW: In a lot of ways, it did. It got some stuff out of our systems, and I think it strengthened our communication skills and helped us learn a lot about independence, being together, and how to negotiate co-dependency when you're in a long-term relationship.

Would you recommend an open relationship for couples who feel like they're in a rut?
ZLJ: I think open relationships are inherently difficult. It takes a strong couple to survive them. I think it totally depends on the individual and the nature of the partnership. It worked for us because of who we are, what that year was to us, and when it came in our lives. But I don't think we have any definitive answers about whether or not this works in general. (Laughs) I don't think it's that easy! But I think it's definitely a worthwhile experiment for some people. Even if they don't end up acting on their desires, I think it's important to be honest about them, which is what the movie really talks about -- having the courage to bring up things that are really scary and taboo when you're in a monogamous relationship.

"Breaking Upward" is playing April 2 at IFC Center in NYC; April 9 Laemmle Sunset 5 in L.A.; and on April 16 Lumiere in San Francisco. It's also streaming live on IFC's Video On Demand.

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