Lemondrop

Yesterday, in the wake of one of the most significant passages of health legislation in recent memory, the American government gave audience to one of the most esteemed international publications of our time.

Cosmo.

No, the FDA doesn't want to know how to give a blowjob using a scrunchie. Apparently, back in '07, Cosmo had a hand in the passage of the Tanning Accountability and Notification act, which required tanning salons to post cigarette-label-like warnings. So this year, the (actual) FDA invited the venerable ladymag back to ... chat or something, we don't know. Per the press release:

"Cosmopolitan will deliver a statement at the Open Public Hearing portion of this meeting about indoor tanning dangers and how the tanning industry intentionally misleads customers. We will strongly encourage the FDA to further regulate tanning equipment ... Cosmopolitan is proud to have been selected to speak at tomorrow's hearing, where we can continue to campaign for skin protection."

OK, fair enough, Cosmo. You're worried about skin health. But what about the thousands of testicle bags you've callously endangered in your quest to come up with the most outré f**king sex advice we've ever heard? (A doughnut on a penis, friends!)

Comedian Marty Beckerman recently made some Internetly waves when he decided to make like the people who run our country and take Cosmo seriously: He and his incredibly patient girlfriend decided to try a few of their more insane BJ tips. On camera. And the NSFW results are pretty hilarious -- especially when Marty's lover takes a comb to his penis (a "Cosmo" tip for extreme erotic satisfaction). You can see the sweat pouring off his lip and the glint of fear in his eye. The video is a little (hoookay, a lot) NSFW, so we're just going to link off to it.

Thanks, Marty! And Cosmo? Stay relevant.