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Condomania, the store that made you embarrassed to go to the mall with your grandma, has (FINALLY) released its archival information of geographical penis-size rankings. Now we know how Sean Connery felt when he finally got to see the Grail in "Last Crusade"!
The data comes from years of research using the shop's patented "FitKit" measuring system, which helps customers find the proper hat size (of the jimmy variety). Condomania says its rankings -- by state and major city -- are based on the wangs of 27,000 red-blooded American wieners.
The results? Well, not only can New Hampshire lay claim to the most aggro state motto ever ("Live Free or Die" -- tell us how you really feel, New Hampsh!), they're also packing the most heat. The state with the dinkiest wangs? Wyoming. Sorry guys. At least you still have ... natural hot springs? And, um, Annie Proulx?
For the complete list (and our thoughts on each city's endowments), read on.
The Biggest and Smallest Major U.S. Cities by Penis Size
The Top Five
5. Phoenix
Great band, troubled acting dynasty, wiener capital of the Southwest.
4. New York City
Alec Baldwin does, in fact, live here. And we guess the Meatpacking District lives up to its name.
3. San Diego
San Diego! Come for the whale watching, stay for the Moby-size DILFs?
2. Washington, D.C.
If we were uncles instead of ladies, we'd gin up some kind of email forward involving "huge pricks" and "Congress." But again: ladies.
1. New Orleans
The Big Easy has had it rough, but it also has the highest proportion of citizens packing 10"-plus. Superdome, indeed! Women of New Orleans, we salute you.
The Bottom Five
5. Denver
Maybe there are special altitude directions. You know. Like on the back of cake mix.
4. Los Angeles
Home of the Dodger Dog. And cruel irony. [Sad emoticon]
3. Detroit
Apparently the recession let the air out of more than the Motor City's tires. This makes us want to drive around blasting "Wouldn't It Be Nice."
2. Philadelphia
Ha, and you thought they were mad because they were drunk all the time.
1. Dallas/Fort Worth
We feel bad for you if you live in Dallas/Fort Worth. Oh, and also, your penises are small.
Comments:
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Thursday 25 March
By Amy
Not everything is bigger in Texas, apparently.
Reply
Friday 26 March
By Janet B
Amy. that's so freaking funny!!!
Thursday 25 March
By Texas Girl
What's wrong with living in Dallas?
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Thursday 25 March
By Apple
Now this is need-to-know stuff.
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Friday 26 March
By Chris
Day um I'm in the wrong state. Where does Florida rank?
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Friday 26 March
By Sandy
These results lead me to believe that my ex from Phoenix was actually a transplant----most likely from Dallas.
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Friday 26 March
By albert johnson
its not how big it is its how well you use it
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Friday 26 March
By Jason Superpowers
I'm the reason San Diego ranks 3rd. ;-)
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Saturday 27 March
By spike
San Diego would be in second place if not for you.
Sunday 28 March
By ceirra
i think need to meet u ok LOL
Friday 26 March
By albert johnson
I'm from new york,sorry jason.use it properly ande you won't have any small problem
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Friday 26 March
By albert johnson
sandy did it ever occur to you that you did or didenot use enough v.jelly
Reply
Saturday 27 March
By edwardo santos
last time i read on this blog concerning man schlongs, i asked how about telling us man about the well know women with the big pussys? well guess what ? all i go back was about the womens birth canal etc, some may say yep this guy is back here again writing he must have a small winner, not so fast, i give lemon drop the ok to give out my email, and well be happy to email to any lady a foto of my schlong. having sayd that a man needs to have only 6 inchs which is all but normal ,my is 6 inchs sleeping , but like my wife says its not how big its how you use it..i also feel all the writing about schlongs is all but bull shit . a man could have a 3inch dick and he and is wife very much in love , happy and she cums everytime , but you may end up with a guy with a big dick and you may not cum.. now theres my other question, my wife takes 4 to 5 min to cum, but i read all the time women need at list 45 min or more to cum, so you see the confusion that goes around a mans head? in all this blog is stupid, but be fair and respond to what i have asked. who on tv cinema etc has the big pussys? does not sound very nice does it?
Saturday 27 March
By Ernie Coyne
What fun hype the survey is. Guys always tend to measure their penises incorrectly, erring on the larger measurement. Proof: whenever clinicians measure penis size in a survey, the results are always smaller than self measurement. If you were ordering, wouldn't you err slightly on the larger size? Of course, to leave room for semen, to ensure it's not too tight and uncomfortable. What about the women who buy condoms. They err on the large size either to ensure it's not too tight or small, or in order to avoid insulting the guy they hook up with. A lot of men don't use condoms, and I suspect that men with small penises have become habituated to proceeding uncovered because previously, no custom sizes were available. So the data will incorrectly be biased towards large size. But the real question is: so what. Any individual in a city may be different from the average there. Also, I think most women regard men as more than a phallus bearer. The whole man counts. Besides, for sex, there are factors like his skill, and his use of his hands and mouth, his hygiene, how romantic he is, his creativity and spontaneity and confidence. How willing is he to role play and use toys. Lots of factors will affect the lovemaking. But all this hype on penis size, fostered by porn, makes men insecure and gives young women false attitudes about men and their penis size. In reality, the clitoris is essentially external. The Gspot is only 1-3 inches up the front inside wall of the vagina. Most of the nerve endings are in the first 3 inches of the vagina. So who needs a long penis to have pleasure. Not very many women. As for girth, that can be adjusted for with positions. smallpenisgreatlover.com explains the importance of not letting obsession with penis size (or lack thereof) spoil your lovelife and indeed, induce negative behavior that can affect a man's entire career and life.
Ernie Coyne
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Sunday 28 March
By david
ed,
maybe your wife cums the same way you spell. maybe she can't but is just faking. 4 or 5 minutes?..........LOL
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Sunday 28 March
By shazia mohsin
this is a veeery interesting and entertaining article. who really cares about ed's spelling. at least he gets his point across as does david, sandy and amy. recently, I was asked by me Pakistani BF, who lives in Pakistan, why American women lve sex with Pakistani men. Could it be the size of their wieners? I couldn"t answer that question, and., not that it makes any difference, I'm from Texas. maybe lemondrop, or thecondom company, could run a survey worldwide and get an answer--LOL. might be just as entertaining. the way he told me was that Pakistani mrn were the biggest with Korean men running in last place. Texas men might be somewhere in between.
Reply
Sunday 28 March
By albert johnson
I'm told black men have big weiners.Tiger Woods must have something besides money.
Monday 29 March
By Aleera De La Keur
Wow sounds like some men are extremely insecure about this article. Some women are easier to get off than others so the 4 to 5 minute thing is possible, not probable, but possible. But sheesh guys its an article. Who cares. If a woman loves you she won't care if you have 2 inches or 10 inches. You people get WAY too wound up over an article and over penis size. Some men get lucky and are born with a bigger size that doesn't mean they know how to use it, and not ALL black men are big. Its a myth.
Reply
Monday 29 March
By John Jacob
TOP 5: mostly civilized white americans
Denver: rednecks
Los Angeles: Mexicans
Detroit: Niggers
Philedelphia: Ancestors of our forefathers, who were british
Dallas: Retard inbreds
Reply
Monday 29 March
By John Jacob
TOP 5: mostly civilized white americans
Denver: rednecks
Los Angeles: Mexicans
Detroit: Niggers
Philedelphia: Ancestors of our forefathers, who were british
Dallas: Retard inbreds
Reply