GuySpeak/GirlSpeak has been on a short break, but fear not -- we're back! And improved, too. In the past, a GuySpeak guy took a crack at a question they'd received via their Web site, then I'd chime in with my two girl-minded cents. Simple as that. But now, GuySpeak and I choose the question together, discuss our thoughts via Gchat -- then present our closing arguments to you. And like any true courtroom battle, we won't even let the other party peek. Call it GuySpeak/GirlSpeak 2.0.
Well, that was a thorough and rousing exchange of ideas. The funny thing to me is that I think we agree on the basic dynamics at play here, yet the only feasible solution seems to be for men to stop approaching women or for women to nut up and hurt our feelings a little more.
At the end of the day, rejection hurts. You may as well get the message across sooner rather than later.
I think we'd all be better off in the long run if women felt comfortable enough to just straight-up say, "Listen to me: I'm not interested. Thank you. Good night." But guys should do their part, too; we should recognize that that faraway look in your eyes might not be you imagining the two of us on a beach somewhere, but instead checking the room for escape routes.
I'd advise guys to go the "better safe than sorry" route and assume that if a girl seems uninterested, she means it. Move on. And ladies, if that means you end up alone for the evening because you played too hard to get, well, we can sort that out next time around. Guys have never had a problem taking "yes" for an answer.
This cuts to the heart of several of the biggest stereotypes out there about men and women, so I think everyone's to blame. Michael immediately zeroed in on the man side of it, saying that men are taught to never give up because there's a chance we're playing hard to get.
And that's slightly true. But what's also slightly true is that men are terrible at reading non-verbal communication. So whereas you think your crossed arms and avoidance of eye contact is speaking volumes, he is still thinking about when you'll have sex. Other proof of this: You can have a fight with a girlfriend in front of a man, and he will have no idea that anything went down.
What concerns me most is the long-standing tradition of women putting up with behavior we're not comfortable with out of an expectation to be "nice." If he's making moves you're not into, hinting ain't gonna cut it. You need to strike firmly and kindly, and you need to leave no doors open.
That said, what you've done so far isn't keeping him from hitting on you, so rethink the signals you're sending: Are you still sitting near him? Think about it -- being pursued feels good -- and it's our dirty little secret that sometimes, even though we're telling him no, we enjoy the attention. If you're really not into him, you need to tell him straight up to cut it, then follow through if he doesn't stop.
Now tell us yours: Have you ever had a stranger -- or a friend -- who refused to take no for an answer? Leave your comments below, and if you have a question you want both genders to take a shot at answering, then go over to Guyspeak
and ask -- it might end up back here!
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