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As Woody Allen once said, "The heart wants what it wants." But A) we all know that he meant "the groin," and B) gross, you sleep with your stepdaughter.

But in the end, that lecherous little perv may have been right. When we asked what "secret types" of guys you lusted after, you responded in droves, with some of you venturing beyond "secret crush" into, frankly, "shameful desire" territory: We were asking about unusual physical attributes you were weirdly drawn to, but a couple ladies went a step further and admitted to the types of crushes that make you squirm and cringe, even in the company of close friends.

We're not talking about dudes with beards and bellies -- we're talking serial killers. Paparazzi. Republicans.

Below, some of the most cringe-inducing crushes, presented anonymously to protect the messed up. Read through your fingers, then share your own Shamecrush in the comments.

"Blake Fielder-Civil, the guy probably single-handedly responsible for ruining Amy Winehouse's miserable life, and yet, UGH, I want his gross, tattooed, drug-addled body all over mine."


"When I was younger I kinda had a thing for David Koresh. And if you look at pictures of him now, he looks like every hipster in Brooklyn."
"Ted Bundy and George W. Bush. They bear an uncanny resemblance to one another."

"I have a shame crush on that fat TMZ dude that dresses like he's a contestant on the Tool academy and is a talking head on all the other shows."
"Before I knew him as Ralph Fiennes, I was secretly attracted to him in 'Schindler's List.' I feel better about this crush now that he's been in other movies, especially with that whole stewardess debacle."
"(Noted n-word user) Michael Richards, aka Kramer from Seinfeld."
"Tucker Carlson. That bowtie! That hair! That RHETORIC! I just want to slap him in his filthy Republican mouth."
"Evil Locke on 'Lost.' Not Terry O'Quinn, or the kind zealot who screams, 'don't tell me what I can't do!' We're into the bad-ass, evil Locke who may very well kill everyone -- and he just does that one-eyebrow lift so much better than anyone else. "
"I'm ashamed of this one because he's so g*d**n annoying: Ashton Kutcher. But as long as he wasn't talking much ... yum."
"My married-with-a-newborn-child best friend."
"I'm black, and I never found John Mayer's pale-super-sensitive thing attractive until he likened his sex preferences to a racial terrorist. Now, I'm oddly attracted, even though I was super-offended."
"[Super-violent soccer player] Zinedine Zidane. More anger issues than Naomi Campbell, but I'd sure like to issue him a red card in bed. The buff bad boy of soccer makes me weak in the knees every time he head-butts a teammate."
"I have a thing for Tom Sizemore. Drug addicted, lying, sweaty, rehab-stinting Tom Sizemore. I need help."

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