keshaSo Ke$ha -- that chick with the song about brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack Daniel's -- is making the gossip rounds for slamming Britney Spears' tendency to lip-sync on tour.

"I think that's bullsh**," she said. "I don't think that's fair at all for people who are going to see the show. I think if you are going to be a singer, you should sing. If you are going to be a dancer, you should dance. No offense to her specifically."

Well, two things come to mind, Ke$ha:

1. You can't really sing.
2. You sure as hell can't dance.

And after the jump, I give you proof of both in the form of a live performance on the "Ellen" show.


See what I mean? Bouncing up and down is not dancing. "Tik-tok"-ing your arms around your head and doing a bad "robot" isn't dancing. Nor is fist-pumping, hopping across the stage and jumping up and down like a 19-year-old who showed extra cleave to get into a club. And the ability to not sing horribly live does not mean you sing well.

So maybe, Ke$ha, you should take a cue from Brit-Brit and focus on one or the other. No one likes Britney Spears for her amazing singing voice. We like her as an entertainer -- for that sexy, steamy, hip-gyrating and prancing around she does onstage to a catchy pop song.

And that's all that "Tik-Tok" is: catchy crap. Do I love it? Heck yes. Ke$ha ("Kesh," by the way, rhymes with "mesh," so say it right), but the girl is a train wreck. She looks like the trailer-park version of Serena van der Woodsen after a night with Dee Snyder. Lily Q. at The Frisky said it best: "Doesn't she realize that such an effed-up aesthetic must be earned?"

And have you seen the music video? It's frightening. She wakes up in a bathtub (just prior to the aforementioned Jack Daniel's teeth-brushing), disrespects a mother who's serving her family breakfast (whether Ke$ha is in her own house or that of a random family's remains unknown -- please vote below), then hops on her low-rider bicycle (we can only assume she's lost her license due to DUIs) to joy ride with Uncle Rico (because he looks like Mick Jagger). Then she gets arrested.

I'm all for music videos with a narrative (hello, Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me"), but this is ridiculous. The only thing Ke$ha has going for her is the catchiness of her music. She should be FLATTERED that people say she's the next Britney Spears. Say what you want about present-day Brit-Brit, old-school Britney (before she earned her right to be a nutjob) could dance.

And I'm going to sound old here, but Ke$ha is just a horrible role model. I know it's not a pop star's job, but when "Hit Me Baby One More Time" came out, critics were up in arms, saying the song encouraged domestic violence. Granted, Britney was 16 then, and at 22, Ke$ha is of legal age, but the girls who are listening to her music -- and I mean actually buying it (she sold more singles in one week on iTunes than any other female artist ever -- and I use "artist" in the purely technical sense) are much younger.

So Ke$-HA (ha, ha, ha), I'm going to suggest you STFU and get into the dance studio.

And maybe run a comb through your hair.