Lemondrop

Throwing an Oscar party? Hassle. And unless your friends have a lot of money riding on the winners, they'll probably talk the entire time and you'll miss potentially great moments, like Sandra Bullock accidentally saying the C-word on live TV because she was nervous and had an Ativan in the limo.

The best way to enjoy the Oscars is also the best way to enjoy seppuku -- with one trusted friend. For years, I watched with my mom, and now that I live far from home, I substitute a best pal around whom I feel equally non-judged for wearing sweatpants. I GUESS you could swap in a significant other if you wanted, but I find that people willing to engage in heterosexual sex with me will rarely do things like scream, "Penelope, are you KIDDING me with that outfit?"

Here are a few things you'll need for the perfect Oscar Party for Two.

The Internet
If you're one of those Internet types like us, you'll be liveblogging the ceremony or at least Twittering with extreme prejudice. If you're not, you'll find you can really enrich the experience by sharing the snark of strangers. For the best red-carpet outfit judging, look no further than the Fug Girls, whose are pretty much twin King Solomons of tulle.

Fine Champan-yuh
Obviously, Champagne is the way to go. This season, I like Pommery Gold Pop, because it comes in an Oscars-y gold split and is accompanied by a straw. (YES.) You'll want this in your hand when they're doing that emotional montage of all the people who died this year and you're all, "The Second Unit Director of 'Dances With Wolves' died? WHYYYYY?"

Trivia
Nobody's going to say it? OK, I will. There are a lot of boring moments during the Oscars (The part when they take 30 minutes to thank the Ernst & Young accountants is the entertainment equivalent of ironing a pair of khakis so you can go work in data entry). So have some trivia on hand. I like Trivial Pursuit's "Silver Screen" edition, although it can be kind of difficult since it's old. Just like Helen Mirren!

These Things
Sometimes they sell them at movie theaters, but did you know that you can buy nacho-cheese-filled pretzel bites at your local grocery store? IT'S TRUE. You'll need these. Lots of them.


Also These.
Absolutely must be Double Stuf. Why would you buy regular when you can have twice as much Stuf? Seems insane.

A Follow-Up Watch
Whether it's a DVR'd "Man vs. Food" or a DVD of "It Happened One Night," have something on hand for post-Oscars viewing. Sure, the show usually ends around bedtime, but you may be so delighted or paralyzed with anger by the Best Picture winner (remember when "Crash" won?) that you need a comedown. Besides, those pretzel bites aren't going to eat themselves.