New relationships are always exciting. From the first kiss to the first time you go away together, everything he does always feels sweet and new – but the "honeymoon phase" can only last so long, right? Not always! That's why we sought out advice from five couples who've definitely kept the flame alive.
On Feb. 12, Brooklyn celebrated New York City couples who have been married 50 years or more, and I dropped by the El Caribe restaurant, where the luncheon was held, to ask the celebrated sweethearts how they breathed life into a relationship after all these years. After all, we were always told to learn from our elders, and what better lesson can we learn than that of love?
Elliot and Hunny Reiken have been married for 62 years. Half of a pair of identical twins who married another set of twins (could it get any cuter than this?), Elliot and his brother met Hunny and her sister at a restaurant the brothers were hired to play at after World War II. Like many girls who love musicians, the brothers' musical skills -- Elliot played trumpet while his brother played sax -- made the twin 16-year-old sisters swoon:
"I thought he was a glamorous musician," she said. "To this day, I still think he's glamorous."
The Reikens, who still play music together for recovering patients at a local nursing home, think that the secret to lasting love is all about what you have in common.
"We love each other, but more importantly, we like each other," 80-year-old Hunny said. "We still love singing. Sometimes we get up with pains and cramps, but the day we're going to go sing, we feel great. That's what keeps us young."
While no one thought 66-year-old Hilda Acevedo and her husband Willie, 68, would make it, the Brooklyn-born-and-bred couple showed everyone who bet against them: They've been together for a cool half a century now. "There's a lot of compromise," Hilda said. "And I believe marriage is a partnership, not an ownership. We have allowed each other to grow. He has allowed me to grow in my career, and I have never forbidden him to do what he wanted to do."
She also believes there's no point in trying to remake the man. "When you get married, you try to change the person," Hilda said. "If that person attracted you for what he was or what she was, why should you?"
Laura and Major Edwards were high school sweethearts who have now been hitched for 52 years. And the couple really took the words, "Till Death Do Us Part" to heart: Their relationship has weathered their son's passing, as well as their own bouts with cancer. "The truth is, I really didn't care when I had cancer," Major said. "But when I found out she had it, I knew my job was to take care of her. So that's what I did."
Today, they're both in remission and plan to spend many more years together.
"He didn't even do his chemo until I started," Laura ribs him. "He took care of me like a newborn babe. I'm here doing as well as I am partly because of him."
Morty and Miriam Kratem credit their close friendship as the key to 50 years of wedded bliss ... so far. "Besides loving each other, we're friends," Morty said. "We get along very well -- not that we don't argue -- but we're very good friends. And when I wake up in the morning and I see her, I think, 'Another day, thank God.'"
Meanwhile, Martin and Ruth Spencer were meant to be together since birth -- their parents were really good friends. The two started dating in high school and married soon after. The key to their 67 years of marriage? Compromise.
"You're going to have to give and take," Ruth said. "You can't always have it one way. Whether it's for two weeks or 20 years, you really have to work at it."
Though it also helps that, after all these years together, 90-year-old Martin continues to write a note to his wife every morning telling her he loves her -- just like he did when they were first married.
"When a man's born, he's only born half a person," Martin says. "As he grows up, the other half -- personality, the whole thing -- is in a woman. And when he meets that woman, he makes a whole. I make her the whole, and she makes me whole."
Proof that you really can find your better half?
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Comments:
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Sunday 21 February
By judie
My Mother said if the hardest part of marriage is how you deal with the children leaving. If you can find a new balance and add new things to your life after the kids are grown you will have that happy long marriage. My husband and I have a band that plays alot of senior events and it warms my heart to see these people dancing and having fun. I think thats what makes for a long happy life together.
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Sunday 21 February
By wstiewig
I've been married to the bride of my youth for 28 years now. We've had at least a dozen acceptable reasons to divorce. the key is communication. and the 'D' word is not an option. and I believe the real key is faith in Christ. a 3 stranded cord is not easily broken. compromise, forgiveness, and communicataion, and staying connected to Jesus.....
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Sunday 21 February
By reviewer
What comes through here is that successful couples allow each other to grow, don't depend on each other, and have strong friendships, not mystical "romances" as pitched by church and commerce. And for these same reasons they are, and will always remain, very rare.
Traditional marriage is simply not a realistic way of life for most people. If we would simply recognize this, and validate other forms of domestic life based on voluntary association, non-association, and dissociation, people would be much happier.
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Monday 22 February
By kelly
how?
Sunday 21 February
By Alwayz Beauteful
Thank you for seeking the perspectives of these couples. I am a
health care provider and often hear similar comments from my patients
about what keeps them together---being friends, have things in common,
free to be oneself. It is the later issue that I would like to hear
more about. It is more probable than not, that at least 2 or 3 of
these couples have dealt with infidelity. What strategies worked for
them? Those answers would be invaluable. Any thoughts?
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Sunday 21 February
By susan c
I truly enjoyed this story. I have been married for 15 years now. We have had our struggles, and disagreements. But, at the end of the day, we love, trust, and respect each other. I feel that too many people give up too easily. It is work to keep a marriage strong. If, however, you are in an abusive situation, I completely understand getting out. But, for the rest of us, enjoy the person you are with, there is a reason why you married them. Everyone said that me and my husband would never last, we were too young and too immature. But, we are living proof that it is possible.
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Sunday 21 February
By bob yaguda
hi--very nice story -longevity worked well here and we will celebrate 55 years together this winter-our story reads like the edwards as we lost a daughter and have both fought off cancer-seems like the most difficult things in life make a very strong marriage even stronger at times-we were helped through the storms by our constant live and devotion to one another-
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Sunday 21 February
By Sherrie
My grandparents were married for 73 years. I've yet to see anybody married longer. They both just passed away, within 7 months of each other. I love them and miss them very much.
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Sunday 21 February
By randy822
My beloved parents were married for 63 years before my precious Father went to be with the Lord. One of many amazing observations is that we kids never, ever saw them fight. The majority of my positive traits came directly from observing my parents. My Father taught me to work hard, provide for family, be a man of my word. My Mother taught me kindness, patience and steadfastness in loving.
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Sunday 21 February
By GB
We have been married for 41 years now, and unless the grim reaper catches up with one or both of us, we will easily pass the 50 mark. We are currently ages 62 and 58. I think people complicate marriage too much. Simply put, you have to care about someone else, as much as yourself. We are still on our honeymoon...
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Sunday 21 February
By kristin
This info is out-dated....the only truthful statement here is that men need women, yet women don't need men. We ceratinly don't need them to take care of us...though if a dude wants to buy us stuff, be our plaything, worship the ground we walk on have at it lol. Other than that...meh...no use for 'em.
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Sunday 21 February
By sarah
I don't really agree with all the comments about hard work and effort. There was some work and effort at the beginning of my relationship with my husband. In the first couple years we had fears and expectation issues that we needed to iron out, and it wasn't always easy. But we worked through each problem as it came up and then put it behind us. Soon there were no more issues to work out. We had reached an understanding and achieved an intimate relationship. It's really been effortless since then.
There are some things that are crucial to the success of a long, mutually rewarding relationship. Respect and honesty are absolutely imperative. A willingness to communicate feelings is difficult for some people but really worthwhile when you consider the rewards of intimacy. I like my husband a lot in addition to loving him. A good sense of humor is really helpful in defusing tension (also comes in very handy with parenting). I also think it's important to put your partner first, even before your children. Children benefit from strongly united parents. Your kids will eventually move on to start their own lives and you and your partner will (hopefully) be together permanently. We ALWAYS have each others' back. And our home is a place of safety where either of us can find refuge in each other. Never lie to your partner and no betrayals, big or small.
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Sunday 21 February
By dccb3
it's just not natural for men and women to live together. that is why so many marriages fail. It's forced on us by the religious. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution cannot be undone by two thousand years of humans trying to live together as husband and wife.
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Sunday 21 February
By Max Mickey
There are common threads through each success story. 1) Compromise, 2) Help each other (not boss each other). 3) Don't own each other. (you have no right to insist she/he do it your way, even if it is a better way, believe what you believe, like what you like, or be interested in everything you are interested in. Do together what you like to do together. Augment each other, not be a clone of each other).4) Be a friend to each other, don't condemn or judge or imprison each other. 5) don't insist on changing each other (learn to accept things you can't change (doesn't mean you have to like or agree). I learned all these things too late for myself and my high school sweet heart and wife of 20 years. I have a 15 year relationship now that has virtually no strife in it. (only when one of us forgets it's us, not I)
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Sunday 21 February
By mamabear
I loved this story! I wish that my marriage could have lasted like these happy couples. Unfortunately, not all people are honest and loving. It takes two good people to make a strong marriage. My marriage ended in divorce because my husband was cruel, controlling and he cheated. I chose not to stay in an unhealthy marriage. It was difficult to leave, but I am glad that I did.
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Sunday 21 February
By GB
Why, and when did divorce become fashionable?
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Sunday 21 February
By Lorie
me and husband have been marrige for 22 going on 23 we have a long road but we still together . i glad to see man and woman still together for that long hope we will to. i have read a lot of yall things on here and if u not with the one u marrie the frist time is becouse u did not have god in your life and marrige.
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Sunday 21 February
By Mercie Flores
The couples in the story were born in another generation of faith,respect, perseverance and love for one another. Thanks to the writer and I hope younger genration now will pay attention to what these wonderful couples portrayed..love,friendhip & compromise...
We are married 54 years ago and still the loving and caring people in our relationship. I do not think I can live longer without my husband.. He is my friend, my confidant, my rock & my everything...as I am to him.. We mnever miss a day without saying.. I love you as often as we can..
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Saturday 27 February
By Balthazar Wienerscoop
A marriage can be happy when the wife shuts up and does what she's told. That's right, less yap-yap and more boom-boom. That skinny Ann Coulter, for example, might be a better-than-average shag, but she's always talking like she know what's going on. She'd finally get a man if she'd just shut her pie-hole and make him a sandwich.
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Sunday 21 February
By Mary
My husband and I have been married 50 years May 2009. We have raised five children, and have 16 grandchildren and one great Grand Child. We stayed busy for years raiseing our children, my husband work long hours to keep food on the table and clothes on our backs. It took a lot of food in our house, because my children always had friends coming to eat and spend the nights. There was two boys that came and stayed at our house for seven years, day and night. Those two boys became like my own kids, we seen the boys parents maybe one to two times a year.Well, those two boys seemed happy with us, we never got a dime for food or clothes for the boys, my husband did it for them like they was our own. But Richard and I have had a good like together, and we are still having a good like, we still have a son at home, never married, and a grandson with us, we raised him too. We love children, and the boy next door stayed at our home a lot, he and his step dad didn't get a long, So he kind of home steaded with us, and the boy across the street stayed at our house a lot, his parents has pass and he lived with an aunt and uncle, and got a long well with my kids. There was two nethews that spent 3-4 nights a week at our house. We was very busy, our own three boys and two girls, we had a large nest. Putting 10 or more kids to bed at night, well, it wasn't so bad, we knew where our own kids was and that was enough for us. Cooking for all these kids was okay too, I love cooking, and I will never learn to cook for two. We have been so blessed. Thank You LORD.
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