New relationships are always exciting. From the first kiss to the first time you go away together, everything he does always feels sweet and new – but the "honeymoon phase" can only last so long, right? Not always! That's why we sought out advice from five couples who've definitely kept the flame alive.
On Feb. 12, Brooklyn celebrated New York City couples who have been married 50 years or more, and I dropped by the El Caribe restaurant, where the luncheon was held, to ask the celebrated sweethearts how they breathed life into a relationship after all these years. After all, we were always told to learn from our elders, and what better lesson can we learn than that of love?
Elliot and Hunny Reiken have been married for 62 years. Half of a pair of identical twins who married another set of twins (could it get any cuter than this?), Elliot and his brother met Hunny and her sister at a restaurant the brothers were hired to play at after World War II. Like many girls who love musicians, the brothers' musical skills -- Elliot played trumpet while his brother played sax -- made the twin 16-year-old sisters swoon:
"I thought he was a glamorous musician," she said. "To this day, I still think he's glamorous."
The Reikens, who still play music together for recovering patients at a local nursing home, think that the secret to lasting love is all about what you have in common.
"We love each other, but more importantly, we like each other," 80-year-old Hunny said. "We still love singing. Sometimes we get up with pains and cramps, but the day we're going to go sing, we feel great. That's what keeps us young."
While no one thought 66-year-old Hilda Acevedo and her husband Willie, 68, would make it, the Brooklyn-born-and-bred couple showed everyone who bet against them: They've been together for a cool half a century now. "There's a lot of compromise," Hilda said. "And I believe marriage is a partnership, not an ownership. We have allowed each other to grow. He has allowed me to grow in my career, and I have never forbidden him to do what he wanted to do."
She also believes there's no point in trying to remake the man. "When you get married, you try to change the person," Hilda said. "If that person attracted you for what he was or what she was, why should you?"
Laura and Major Edwards were high school sweethearts who have now been hitched for 52 years. And the couple really took the words, "Till Death Do Us Part" to heart: Their relationship has weathered their son's passing, as well as their own bouts with cancer. "The truth is, I really didn't care when I had cancer," Major said. "But when I found out she had it, I knew my job was to take care of her. So that's what I did."
Today, they're both in remission and plan to spend many more years together.
"He didn't even do his chemo until I started," Laura ribs him. "He took care of me like a newborn babe. I'm here doing as well as I am partly because of him."
Morty and Miriam Kratem credit their close friendship as the key to 50 years of wedded bliss ... so far. "Besides loving each other, we're friends," Morty said. "We get along very well -- not that we don't argue -- but we're very good friends. And when I wake up in the morning and I see her, I think, 'Another day, thank God.'"
Meanwhile, Martin and Ruth Spencer were meant to be together since birth -- their parents were really good friends. The two started dating in high school and married soon after. The key to their 67 years of marriage? Compromise.
"You're going to have to give and take," Ruth said. "You can't always have it one way. Whether it's for two weeks or 20 years, you really have to work at it."
Though it also helps that, after all these years together, 90-year-old Martin continues to write a note to his wife every morning telling her he loves her -- just like he did when they were first married.
"When a man's born, he's only born half a person," Martin says. "As he grows up, the other half -- personality, the whole thing -- is in a woman. And when he meets that woman, he makes a whole. I make her the whole, and she makes me whole."
Proof that you really can find your better half?
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Comments:
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Sunday 21 February
By Lory
What a lovely story. Thank you for sharing your conversations with these beautiful folks who have had such successful marriages. Compromise is definitely key in a long marriage as is faith in a higher power, and gratitude. I am so grateful for the love and friendship I have found in my spouse and I thank him and my God every single day. A kind and loving word, even during the most difficult times, can make all the difference in the world.
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Sunday 21 February
By Kotzebue
Don't assume people need your god to have a successful marriage, my husband, and I, both Atheists, had 54 years of an extremely happy marriage until he died from a fall. The secret is to marry a most wonderful man, as I did.
Sunday 21 February
By Darren
Kotzubue, nowhere it Lorys post did it say ANYTHING about other people needing her God to have a great marriage. You need to settle down and not be offended by the freedom of belief. If she thinks that God helped her marriage, that is her right to think so. Nowhere in her post does it imply others need God in their marriages!
Regardless, you are right, the secret is to marry a wonderful spouse regardless of your belief or lack of belief in God. Another key is to BE a wonderful spouse.
Sunday 21 February
By kevin
A few in my family have had 50 year anniversarys My wife and I got married 7 years ago and im 52 so i dont think we are going to have a 50th although possible id be shed be 101 and id be 96 but it could happen lol
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Sunday 21 February
By llisaletta
I try to be like a TickleMe Plant. It is a very sensitive plant that moves when you Tickle It! The leaves instantly close and even the branches droop when Tickled.
Either your like a TickleMe Plant or your not. Great gift and was fun to grow
See video this is real! ! Http://tiny.cc/Ticklemeplant
Reply
Sunday 21 February
By Jillian
I try to be like a TickleMe Plant. It is a very sensitive plant that moves when you Tickle It! The leaves instantly close and even the branches droop when Tickled.
Either your like a TickleMe Plant or your not. Great gift and was fun to grow
See video this is real! ! Http://tiny.cc/Ticklemeplant
Reply
Sunday 21 February
By Liam
I truly believe that the couples portrayed in this story are from a different generation that had alot more maturity and intelligence than those who have married in the last 20 years. Most couples getting divorced today were involved in marriages that should have never happened in the first place. Reason being only one person in the marriage was a grown up and the other was a jerk. The grown up ran out of patience and the jerk never appreciated what they had. So the marriage ends for any number of mistakes, but the root cause remains the same. A very sweet article, though.
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Sunday 21 February
By chrissy
very true
Sunday 21 February
By carie
my husband and i married almost 11 years ago.i ws 22 and he was 26.we had already been together 4 years.he has kids itll never work,we heard the youre too young speech and here we are almost 15 years later.its not 50 but we are on are way!
Sunday 21 February
By jal
very true.
Sunday 21 February
By Kelly
And sometimes 2 jerks get married and make each other miserable for as long as they can....
Sunday 21 February
By annie
You are mistaken. You say 20 years ago? You better check your dates. You probably mean 50 years ago when women couldn't get divorced without being left with nothing. My Mom and Dad where married some 40 years with her name never being on the deed of their home! When they bought the house that is how it was done then, and they had a good marriage. Many unhappy marriages lasted a long lengths. Don't say everyone today is a 'jerk' or not grown-up because they choose to divorce. How many women lived with drunkards and brutes because they couldn't leave them? Today women, and men, have a choice.
Sunday 21 February
By Barb Ditty
My husband and I are complete opposites. We can't agree on anything! But I took a vow, before God, when I got married till death us do part. Yes, its been hard, very hard but we are together for 46 years and also I was 16 and he was 18. So no excuses. Forgive each other no matter what.
Sunday 21 February
By irene
I think Liam has hit it with his observation! Very very true! Great story
Sunday 21 February
By loria1070
wow...i really agree with that!
Sunday 21 February
By Katie
I agree. Also, I believe Hollywood is much more of an influence now-a-days. Girls and boys are overwhelmed with Hollywood portraying these magical fairytale love stories, where it's just love at first sight and in the end, it just all magically works out. And "college dude" movies that make jokes of love and sex, and sitcoms, that make wives look naggy, stalker-ish, and controlling, making it look like their husbands have to sneak, lie and go into rather humorous situations to be happy.
Sunday 21 February
By Carrie
You're so right!
Sunday 21 February
By Jo
You got that right...I left my jerk
Sunday 21 February
By Cynthia Nungester
Tank you for this beautiful article on long lasting marriages. Our youth need to see and read about these things since they don't believe that anything can or will last. I've been married to the love of my life for over 37 years now. We are a team in all ways.I liken it to the one couple that the husband said they make each other a whole. That is so very true. We are a whole and we complete each other in so many ways.I thank God that he felt I was worthy of such a wonderful and caring man. I hope to have him another 37 years.
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Sunday 21 February
By mbonhamwolv
I am a single male, and I saw this article. Isn't the reason that they're happily married to each other for 50 years is because she's alway right, no matter what?? I can bet she's been rewarding him for understanding she's always right. It keeps both their hearts in shape. Great exercise. lol
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