The Gender Paradox In India
Facebook's Sheryl Sandberg Ducks Questions About IPO Debacle
How much sex do you have? And now, for a completely different question, do you think you're having enough sex? A recent survey asked women about things like sexual frequency and emotional states and found that anywhere from 28% to 38% of women ages 35 and up report that they "never" have sex.
What? COULD "COUGARTOWN" HAVE LIED TO US!?
What's keeping them from the Doing of the It? Researchers say: expectations. They deduced that women are struggling with unrealistic portrayals of sex in movies, TV, and women's magazines; expectations that we should come home from a long day at work and feel like having wild steamy sex, that "normal" people are having tons of sex all the time, or that guys want sex all the time, no matter what. Then this happens: expectation to do a thing --> natural passion to do that thing dwindling --> resentment that you have to do that thing --> guilt --> repeat.
Maybe what we should really be working on is making sex just as much about us as we do about the people we're having it with. That way, when researchers call us to ask us about our sex lives, we can report on the quality, not the quantity.
The worst guy ever apologizes
Our dreamy sexpert answers your burning questions
Car maintenance tips every girl should know
Comments:
Add a comment
Thursday 18 February
By Laura
At 46 years old and 22 years of being married, I STILL DESIRE SEX with my husband! I simply love LIFE at my age and I adore my husband even moreso now!
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By jiboko
Less frequency of sex at 50 than 35 I admit. Busy with kids and stressful jobs. We should try at least once/week. I enjoy hugging my husband, lay down close to him and kiss alot than just intercourse.
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By A Brown
This is not true with Black women. We love sex. We still have sex at 80-90 years old or older. We don't care about procreation. If our husbands stop wanting it- we will go some where else!!!!
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By mark
I am talking in generalizations and I am sure there are many individuals who are an exception to this rule.
Let's begin with the fact that men and women are just different. There is no way around this. If you are a man, its unrealistic to expect a woman to have your attitude towards sex. Her anatomy is different and the risks to women from sex are greater than they are for men (pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease etc.) Even if physically she enjoys sex there is an element of risk (or danger) in it that is not there for us men.
On the other hand, if you're a woman you *maybe* preoccupied with notions of what I will call "fairy-tale romance". It goes something like this: He's going to be handsome; he's going to have lots of money; he's going to be strong; he's going to be funny and charming; he's going to respect me; and he's going to be REALLY handsome (I realize I'm repeating this a second time)
I realize these are generalizations. There are women who truly like sex. There are men who share at least some of these notions of fairy-tale-romance. Most people do want to be married and are willing to accept some compromises in their view of the world to be married. Some women though deliberately avoid having sex once they feel securely married. Some men cheat when they realize their sexual fantasies didn't come true after marriage.
Men and women are coming from two basically different places. Many if not most of the problems that result after marriage stem from these two different worldviews. Honestly, the conclusions of this study don't surprise me at all. I suspect if you broke it down, a large segment of those women still having sex are doing it reluctantly and only because they are afraid they might lose their mate if they don't.
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By jayjay
Hey, all - remember that not everyone has a high sex drive. Some women don't have a partner and have given up the search for one (as I have) because they no longer want to put up with all the crap that goes along with the hunt.. Many of us are on anti-depressants that reduce our desires. Yes, there are times when I miss sex, but. all in all, it's not the most important thing in my life and I've learned to be quite happy without it.
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By gamay9
Thirty-five is very young to stop having sex. Does this survey include married women?
Where I live, most women are fat by 35 and not desired by men including their husbands. I'm 68, still virile and don't date because there are no attractive women here, at least not at the level I am accustomed to. I wouldn't be able to perform with a woman I am not physically attracted to no matter what her age is. I also find that these women have already had enough sex to last them a lifetime, i.e. they were highly promiscuous when they were younger.
One reason why many women over thirty-five are not having sex is that they expect Leonardo Di Caprio and can't get a nod from 'beer belly Sam' because they aren't as attractive as they think they are. Attractive (and unattractive) men are very visually oriented (they grew up with 'Playboy') and most prefer a combination of beauty and other preferable characteristics.
I'd rather masturbate than be seen with a homely, overweight woman.
Reply
Thursday 18 March
By Marialatin
At 68 years old you are not virile. Men lie to themselves but let me give you the strait truth - as men age they lose firmness and the ability to last and that dampens a women's desire for the old hubby. A man's ego is so tied to his ability to have an erection that he cannot admit that his pencil has no lead and women know it and will not say that to a man's face. As the hubby ages, we lament the decline in the male function. Believe me, women compare old men to hot young guy's we don't tell you men but we do. Drives a lot a women to have affairs although men think their wives never cheat. So to hear a man of 68 talking about not being able to get aroused by a fat women is a joke. It's probably the other way around - even a fat women is disgusted and turned off at the sight of a pot-bellied, bald, old man with a limp member.
Thursday 18 February
By Lisa
Where do they come up with this crap!! Seriously! I am 45 and my sex drive actually increased after 40. I love sex! If these women are not having sex its due to some reason and not their age.
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By eboe
Here are the facts. Women when courting many times are wild as all get out. The male in just about every species is the hunter. It is genetic. Once the woman "captures" her mate, her primary goal is childbearing. (Of course this isn't correct (100%), but pretty close. The male never loses his urge to hunt. (In modern terms, to find sex). If the female doesn't keep that interest alive, or if she struggles with this, then the marriage is in trouble. I hate to say this, this is the main reason older males and younger females relate so well. The females with the strong sex drive will find pleasure with younger men, but never should be deluted with idea they will find loayality. (After all, he got it from the older women easily enough, and no reason to stop there). Clearly, the reason for unhappiness is that men and women are not at all alike, and neither is to blame.
Reply
Wednesday 17 March
By Marialatin
Also never think that a young girl with an old man stops there. She is enjoying a young man power behind the back of the old fool while spending the old guy's money and watching his viagra crazed attempts at staying young. Ukkkk
Thursday 18 February
By Michelle
This is the most ridiculous article. I'll be turning 40 next month and have been with my husband for 14 years. We have sex at LEAST 5 times a week and we enjoy it even more than we did when our relationship was new. Women are at their sexual peak in their mid to late 30's. So, any women over 35 in a relationship who says they don't have sex, obviously, are with the wrong men. After, 14 years together we still flirt with eachother, compliment eachother and the sex keeps getting better with each passing year. So, this article is BS and doesn't fit my "over 35" lifestyle.
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By James
That is exactly how our marriage is...even after all these years together...when I come home from work and she's wearing something cute like some tight jeans and bending over the stove cooking something...I cant help but come up and give her a smack on the ass. We still flirt with eachother....we still act like we just met. Thats how you keep a marriage going. If you don't have that...then you'd be better off just giving up and finding someone else.
Thursday 18 February
By alschrod
How come nobody ever mentions that sex is the perfect way to fall asleep? All wifey needs is a towel wipe and it's off to perfect slumberland for both of you. This whole topic shows how big the media lie is about sex: Hollywood is awash with things sexual, but to the average person it's really not so big a deal. If it feels good, fine. If it's inconvenient or unavailable, fine..
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By Allison
I am 63 and my libido is on "kill" as it has been all of my life. Never should assume anything, or make generalizations.
People think i am 40.....great genes and a ton of energy.......
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By James
I believe there are alot of different reasons married peoples stop having sex and all of them are pathetic. I have been married for 4 years now, and even as my wife is currently pregnant, we have sex at least 3-4 times a week. But here's the catch...I still do my best to look good for my wife. I work out and eat right. I take care of myself. And her, she still looks as "hot" as the day we met. She does her make up every morning and does her hair. She also eats right and dresses sexy and takes care of herself. So the attraction is still there unlike all these fat slobs that let themselves go and then blame it on being married and "they don't have to try anymore" or the fact that they're "fat because they had kids." Bullsh*t...you just got lazy so don't be suprised when your husband or wife starts cheating on you or leaves you all together. As far as our sex life...we still have fun and do new things. We keep it exciting. She basically does anything I'd want her to do and I do whatever gets her going...including foreplay just about everytime we have sex unless it's a quickie in the shower before work. Point is...we are married and we are still totally crazy about each other because we will never get lazy, it will never matter how many kids we have, we will always do our best to look good for the other, we will always, do our best to make the other feel good about themself. So if you're in a marriage and you're pist off that your spouse isn't fun anymore or doesnt wanna have sex...u need to take a good hard look at how you're different from when you were dating. And if you are the same exact good looking guy/girl and your spouse is not...and they refuse to work at it and get back in shape, start taking care of themself again, be more fun....then again....they shouldnt be suprised when you leave them or end up cheating. Its a sad thing when a married couple stops having sex and is miserable...then they try and tell other people not to get married because thats what happens....HOW ABOUT YOU LOSE THE 30LBS YOU'VE GAINED IN THE LAST YEAR, BUY SOME SEXY UNDERWEAR, AND STOP BEING SUCH A PRUDE!
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By Shane
Wow it's just as much our faults as it is the women come on guys! I am 35 male and all the guys I hear complain about sex or lack of it in the end it's as much their fault sometimes more. Guys if we want to have more sex then we need to keep our wives or girlfriends happy or interested, we have to do the little things plain and simple. I tell my wife at least 5 times a week how beautiful she is, I surprise her with flowers at work, rub her feet, cook dinner for her and the kids with nothing asked in return but see that's it in return for this she wants to have sex with me, she wants to rub my shoulders or let me go out with the guys when I want. Too many of us guys think that it's just a given something they are supposed to like and supposed to do but it's not. For all you guys who are laughing at my post it sucks to know there is so much better out there right but because you are stubborn or just plain lazy you don't get to enjoy it. Well here is something to enjoy your divorce and the one after that and so on. It’s not always perfect for me or anyone else but the things couples fight about these days really just stupid and then that steam rolls to another thing and another, next thing you know you both not only hate sex but everything else intimate.
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By johnadams
Respect to Shane and the other intelligent active men out there, not you lazy selfish fools who then turn your pains from lack of sex into criticizing the ladies, just because you are apparently inadequate and lazy enough to not even address the issue, wow, so many foolish people in this world, sad. These kinds of thought lead to sexism and stereotypes etc...
Thursday 18 February
By Rita
I am over 35 and have strong sexual urges at times, but I think women today are so on-the-go at that age...working, cleaning, kids, trying to find time to pamper themselves..they're exhausted and men, it seems, when they get older become unfeeling and expect women to perform as they do...on the spot sex. We don't feel our men are turned on by us, even if we're knock-outs, because they're mostly addicted to TV and the time they use paying attention to unrealistic James Bond women scenerios, they should be concentrating on making us feel sexual. Over 35 women are not easily fooled anymore. We know when men lie and they all swear up and down the women on TV don't do a thing for them . Yeah? Why the hell are they wasting time on watching these shows? A smart man will use another way of relaxing when he come's s home from work, like maybe read a book or just take a little nap. The TV has become their pacifier and they all say the same thing. It relaxes them and tunes out their hard day. Well, women don't want to be used like an object on the shelf than put back until whenever'. We just don't want to start in the bedroom..we really want men to make us want them through the day until we are burning with lust for them at least once a week.
Reply
Thursday 18 February
By james
Once a week? Thats sad...
Thursday 18 February
By Harold
Here is a good reason some stop having sex, health. I am 59 male and until heart surgery and severe heart problems my wife and I had lots of sex that was very fulfilling. No romp ever ended with out both having wonderful fulfillment. Now we don't have sex very often because of A) my health she is afraid i will die during sex, B) my medications hinder the duration of my aroused state.
Reply