Breakups. In the moment, there are few things in life that feel more soul-shattering than getting thrown under the bus by the person you care most about most. In last week's GuySpeak/GirlSpeak, we asked: How do you deal with the heartache of losing the person who is your best friend, lover and big spoon all rolled up in one?
Here's what Lemondrop readers had to say about moving on from your ex.
1. Go cold turkey.
Dr. Castellanos says, "If you break up with someone that you have been with for awhile (at least several months), your body goes through an actual withdrawal phase. This is accompanied by a change in neurotransmitters in your brain and feels horrible. The best way to get over this is to stop your ex cold turkey -- don't look at pictures, don't listen to voicemail messages, don't keep around articles that have their scent or cologne. That will just set you back into painful territory."
"I also agree with the cold turkey method," says Lindsay. I delete all emails and pictures, trash notes, cards or gifts I can live without, throw meaningful jewelry in a river, etc."
2. Live the single life.
Nonymou advises us to get used to independence so that we can start fresh when the next guy sweeps us off our feet. After a six-year hiatus between boyfriends, she says, "I got so used to being alone that now that I am in a new relationship, its like starting over as a young'n."
3. However, spend quality time with friends and family -- not time in bed with strangers from the bar.
"Rebound hook ups aren't helpful for anyone," says Nicole. "After the deed is done you just feel worse about yourself. Break ups suck but you will eventually get over it. Spend time with your friends or family, that will make you feel better than hooking up with some random person you barely know. Just because someone isn't in your life anymore doesn't mean that you deserve to be unhappy."
4. Give yourself emotional strength by building physical strength. "I recommend weight lifting or anything that makes you feel literally strong -- you have to be strong to get through the breaking up process." -- Mariehelene
5. Let time do its thing. The expression is a cliché for a reason. As Shelly says, "It is good to take a period of time to get him or her out of your system. Time is the only thing that will heal a broken heart."
Tell us! Do you have a tried-and-true method of getting over your ex?
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Saturday 13 February
By glenda
My ex.and I divorced many years ago after 14 yrs.We had always kept in touch.he had remarried and had been married years but the last 2 he was miserable.we are people in our 60's now and recently my ex committed suicide.Now I realize-I never really got over him and miss him so much.
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Saturday 13 February
By rghtyurn
Unfortunately, I find all the advice useless. The love of my life dumped me ten years ago now. I have still not recovered, and have not dated since. I have pretty much become a loner, and have no plans to ever date again. Ten years has not healed my broken heart, and I doubt any amount of time will.
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Saturday 13 February
By Doug
Or, you know...
Just bang someone else.
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Saturday 13 February
By kathy driscoll
think of them as being dead.
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Saturday 13 February
By Ej
Not sure what keeps people in long term loving relatioships (both parties) but my heart still loves my ex... I have tried a number of times to move on as she did .. But everyday my mind goes to her.. Its been over 6yrs.. She broke up with the one she left me for.. and started thinking about me again.. when my father died .. she wanted to come back to be FRIENDS only .. then she said she loved me and wanted to come back .. of course did an about face YET again .. and saying she needed to stay away from me because I think she DOES feel the same way BUT she sees her other ex as friends but that one too wants to be with HER...
She left me because she wanted someone that could drive and have a Better JOB than I do.. yet she found someone with an Debilitating illness and can not work --Oh they can drive but for how long?? They werent paying any bills when they lived with my ex .. she finally tossed them out after 5 yrs but goes to church with them and plays cards etc..
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Saturday 13 February
By Praise the Lord
Well first you have to accept it and that isn't so hard when you admit to yourself that near the end you've both said all there is to say except "goodbye". Now imagine the sound of heeled shoes walking, echoing through a large empty room-alone! Kick off those shoes and imagine the sound of bare feet flapping across that same floor in the opposite direction! Running off to see what life holds next! Good things, GREAT things! The sky is the limit and you are a solo pilot so let yourself go...to do whatever, wherever you like! You'll hurt sometimes-but you can control that pain and you know it! Learn from the past; you got over someone else before you got with this one so you'll just do it again! And know that everything will be ok-a little different now, but always ok!
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Saturday 13 February
By Sharon
I was married for 26 years when he came home and said he was in love with someone else. News to me. After the divorce I took up tennis, he would never play. I pretended the ball was his head. My coach kept telling me not to try to kill the ball, little did she know what I was doing. I always felt revived after my tennis lessons.
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Thursday 25 February
By Louise
I think a combo of these things is necessary... and not ignoring your sadness. Cold turkey is good but if you need to dwell at time, go ahead and dwell. It's important to acknowledge all your different emotions—throughout all aspects of life might I add—and let yourself enjoy, or at least express, them.
I had my heart trampled on by the guy who I know I had the strongest connection with. Part of me still thinks he's the only one I will have that connection with—it was very intense and unavoidable—and therefore never find a connection like that again.
Oh well... I guess I'm willing to trade that soulmate drive for someone less emotionally and verbally abusive...
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