Amy Spencer is a dating expert and the author of "Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match" (Running Press). We asked her the dating questions that continue to baffle us.
Lemondrop asks: How can you tell if a guy is stringing you along?
Amy answers: My take is trust your gut. It's your radar for the wrong guy -- I call it your "wrong-dar" -- and it will tell you when you're being jerked around and not being treated as well as you deserve to be. If you're not feeling your sexiest, coolest, funniest, warmest, most natural self around a guy, something's not right.
If you feel yanked, you are. You deserve better. If he just wants to take things slow, a guy will say something like, "I don't have that much time to devote to a serious relationship just yet, so I can only hang out with you once a week." He should still make you feel special and cared for in the meantime. He'll let you know, for instance, if there's no one else and say something like, "You're the only one I'm dating, I just don't want to be boyfriend-girlfriend yet."
BUT, there is still the possibility that he's looking for other options and, inadvertently, stringing you along. The fact is, men are pretty black and white about what they want. If a guy really likes you and just you, he won't want to take things slow. I say find someone who wants to snatch you up and claim you for his very own as fast as he can.
Amy Spencer has written for Glamour, New York, Harper's Bazaar, Page Six magazine and Match.com among other publications, She is also the former host of the relationship call-in radio show "Sex Files" on Sirius satellite radio's Maxim channel, and also created and writes for The Dating Optimist.com.
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Thursday 18 February
By Larz Blackman
That was terrible advice. Trust your gut? That's about as cliched as it gets. The problem with one solely following one's emotions is that they don't always reflect the reality of the situation. "If you feel yanked you are." You say this as if a woman's feelings are the ultimate measure of reality when it's so often just the opposite. Every man has heard a hundred women say, "I know it's this way, but I feel that way." Instead try looking at the situation more deeply -- objective facts are your friend! Just because you're "feeling your sexiest, coolest, funniest, warmest, most natural self" around a guy, doesn't mean he's the right thing. Maybe you're drunk. Maybe he's playing you. Wise up.
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Thursday 18 February
By Anne
I disagree. Trusting your gut is not the same as going with your feelings. Discount it as much as you like but we are built with our spider senses for a reason-to weed out creeps. I am all for getting the facts and watching the actions of a man/woman, though sometimes his/her words and actions can be very deceptive. The gut is that little voice that says "I don't know why, but something just isn' t quite right" and it certainly isn't accessed by getting smashed drunk.
My gut has never, ever been wrong and every time I ignored it, I paid for it big time.
Saturday 20 February
By Sluggar
I agree w/Anne. When my head starts questioning his motives....RED FLAG. Most of the time we Girls just dont want to listen to what our heads are saying. So we stay and wait, thinking that if I give him enough time he will come around. The one thing that stays with me is when I was told "I'm not ready now but I have the best of intentions"
I'm tired of waiting for his "Best of Intentions" mean while, I go over and play wife, maid and seamstress every weekend just because I feel in love. We all do silly things for the wrong reasons but we do them because we think with our hearts and not our heads.
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