Every week, the gentlemen over at GuySpeak
answer questions from women the only way they know how: in guy style. Then they handpick some of their favorites and send them over to us here at Lemondrop to answer (read: fix) them in girl style. We call it GuySpeak/GirlSpeak. This week -- what do you do with a boyfriend who's wonderful but still lives at home?
Read on for our guy vs. girl advice.
Wise-ass Cary McNeal is back to answer this query
, and he has mixed feelings about it. Sure, 28 is too old to live at home, but he may have a good reason for staying in utero, so to speak. Maybe he's saving up, maybe housing is too expensive in your area, maybe his family just enjoys living together. The wise-ass thinks it's a good sign that he's paying rent and feels like he doesn't have enough info to properly advise this girl.
McNeal implores her that "good guys are hard to find." If this guy is great in every other respect, he advises that she stay with him and see if he's cut any of those apron strings six months from now.
So basically, just ignore your concerns and hope for the magic of adulthood to come and sweep him away.
I must respectfully disagree with the advice of waiting it out. I've been in the dating pool long enough to recognize when a guy has an issue that doesn't directly affect the relationship but is so emotionally charged it ends up affecting the relationship anyway. My friends and I call them pink flags
So whereas a drinking problem or an obsession with an ex is a clear a red flag, pink flags are the things you tell yourself to ignore because they aren't relevant, but slowly they end up consuming you. Pink flags are things like "He doesn't seem to be trying hard enough to get a job" or "He won't talk when we're out with my friends" or "He does everything his mom says."
Pink flags can make people stay in relationships that make them unhappy for far longer than necessary because they don't know how to fix the problem and nothing is out-and-out bad enough to force them to leave.
There are two factors to consider when you have a man with a pink flag. First, consider the actual issue. Is your man happy living at home? Is he working toward getting out, or does he seem complacent there? Is he striving to be a more independent person? That's crucial.
Then realize that the actual issue might be very separate from your feelings about it. Does your boyfriend realize how important his leaving the nest is to you? Because with pink flags, once we bring up whatever "the issue" is, we start assuming that if you're not moving to resolve "the issue" 24 hours a day, it's because you don't love us
. So I will tell you this for sure: Your boyfriend is not refusing to leave his mom's house to upset you. Don't wait six months in silence. Separate his dwelling at mom's house from his feelings for you, and make his living at home an enemy that both you and your boyfriend are fighting as a team.
We want to hear from you! What "pink flags" have you encountered in relationships? Have you ever felt shallow for having reservations about a man who seemed perfect except for one little thing? What have you done about it?
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