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You know the types: We love sushi. We hate "30 Rock." We always vacation at Sandals. It's annoying, sure. But new research suggests that couples who refer to themselves using pronouns like "we" and "our" apparently are not only better at making us very annoyed -- they also resolve conflict more successfully.
It turns out the couples' success comes from having a sense of unity with their partner that helps them grow closer and behave more positively toward each other.
Scientists at UC Berkeley asked couples to talk about points of disagreement in their marriages and analyzed their speech patterns. They found that pairs who used shared pronouns like "we" and "us" were generally happier and healthier in their relationships, where as those who peppered their speech with "I" and "you" were less close and tended to be more stressed and unhappy in general.
Fine, even if the habit of referring to yourself in the plural when you're not the Queen of England is more than a trifle annoying. If we-we-we-ing all the way home really is your best shot at making marriage work, then it still begs the question: How far should a couple who wants to live happily ever after take this tendency?
Is dressing alike the next way to ensure you don't end up getting a D-I-V-O-R-C-E? Should they take up synchronized swimming? Engage in overly complicated old-timey dance routines? Or walk in lockstep all the freaking time on purpose?!
And while we're at it -- what married couple habits make you crawl the walls? We'll will be waiting with gritted teeth and bated breath. And by that we mean ... we.
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Comments:
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Monday 01 February
By Yvonne Adams
found this very interesting yet humorous. I find it hard to say we even when it should be we or our. Sometimes I say my bedroom instead of our bedroom or my bathroom. I guess there is a happy medium, you don't want to overdue the we but there are instances where we shows you have truly accepted this person as a permanent part of your life.
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Tuesday 02 February
By shuoniaiw
I am an Air Force and single at present .I need a woman who can love me back ...
I also uploaded my hot photos on Seekuniform.co0000m under the name of mylover00.
It's the largest and best club for seeking Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform.
I just hope you don't mind me being a soldier ...Please Check it out!I'm serious.
Monday 01 February
By ALLEN
IF YOU CAN BRING HAPPINESS TO YOUR WIFE'S HEART EACH DAY, THEN YOU HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE. OTHERWISE 50% OF ALL MARRIAGE'S END IN D-I-V-O-R-C-E, LACK OF MONEY OR LACK OF S-E-X.
JUST THE FACTS !
Reply
Monday 01 February
By weeboys
You are SO right. A happy wife is a happy life. And I hope she wants the same for you. Bless You!
Tuesday 02 February
By Patricia
Woot woot!! You got it!
Tuesday 02 February
By mckenz707
AMEN TO THAT ONE!
Monday 01 February
By Lucy
Okay, I admit it; when I say "We," I am usually referring to me and my dog! We go hiking, to work, to dog competitions, etc. :-) It is harder to say "We," where my husband is concerned, except of course, when I am talking about eating dinner! I wish when I said, "We need to clean the house..." the "we" actually meant something!
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Tuesday 02 February
By jules
LOL....I HEAR YOU LUCY...IM WITH YOU.
Monday 01 February
By Robert Rose
Here's your problem: "Fine, even if the habit of referring to yourself in the plural when you're not the Queen of England..."
Husband and wife ARE plural. When they say "we" they are talking about the two of them. This is standard English. How about learning it!
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Wednesday 03 February
By Emily
How about sticking your "we" where the sun don't shine. I already have a best friend soI don't want a husband for that, jobs filled. When he say "we" like going fishing he means I'll follow along just to keep him from pouting the next three or four days. There is plenty of we time without we we weing all the way home.
Monday 01 February
By TheWeGirlXD
It's not that WE mean to use WE often. WE just happen to do it 'cause WE are so happy. =)
Bitter writer. Find someone you can love and WE with. XD
Reply
Tuesday 02 February
By jg
awww! I want someone to we with.
Monday 01 February
By Bob
Hmm...the author seems to take exception to using that pronoun when reffering to 2 people who have become 1 entitiy in a committed relationship. Really? Is this author's self-identity THAT threatened by the notion of 2 people so in love, that they chose to act and speak as a union? I don't make any major decision without consulting my wife. I don't do that out of courtesy, I do it because I count on her perspective, as she does mine. This nation has had enuf of the "me" attitude....look where's that gotten us...
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Monday 01 February
By Johnhghlndr
Right you are
Tuesday 02 February
By K9sue
We think the author is a frustrated single.
Monday 01 February
By Justin B.
Keep in mind that some of the correlation these researchers have found may be reversed. In other words, it may be that couples who are happier tend to say "we" and "our" more often than couples who are miserable. If a couple is feelilng divided, or a partner feels alone in the relationship, he/she is naturally going to use "I" or "me" more often. I doubt very highly that for that couple, changing their language is going to help much of anything.
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Monday 01 February
By martesa
I don't think the study supports or even suggests changing language will fix a relationship. The point is that couples who naturally use "we" and "our" tend to be happier. These couples see themselves as a unit, not as individuals living under the same roof. Because of this, the language comes naturally. Those couples who naturally use "I" or "me" tend to be less happy, because they do not have the same connection. In other words, the "we" language is an indicator of a happy marriage, not a cause. My brother criticized me on my wedding day because my husband and I lit a unity candle. He said, "(blank) and I didn't do that at our wedding, because we didn't want to lose our independence and individuality." He and his wife have been in counseling since before their marriage. My husband and I (ie, "we") have been together 20 years, married 7 1/2, and are more in love each day. Even though we were very much in love and completely committed for years before we married, we were both surprised at how much better marriage is. As my husband described to one of his single friends, "You always know that there is someone who's got your back, no matter what." So, "we" are very happy, "we" enjoy one another's company more than anyone else's, "we" make each other laugh every day, and "we" are happy as a unit. The author of this sounds very bitter.
Monday 01 February
By anwrose
This is the best article you could write? Really?
I agree with TheWeGirlXD. I think this writer is just bitter about the fact that couples who are married AND happy, use the "we" pronoun when speaking about themselves. What else she expects us to say, when we're referring to the both of us!?!?! Sheesh.
Reply
Monday 01 February
By Ladyhawk
MY, My, My, Just read your rant on couples who actually form a loving, trusting pair. I can understand why you just don't get WE.
May be if you find someone that you think is as important to you as yourself, then, you will understand (WE). However, I seriously doubt that you will ever allow yourself that pleasure. You are too busy venting your self doubts.
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Monday 01 February
By Queen Victoria
We are not amused!
Reply