These days, there's an e-card for just about every occasion under the sun. Especially when the romantic-industrial complex is gearing up for Valentine's Day. (Only 14 more days till Cupid comes, everyone!)

Overjoyed by a friend's breakup? There's the "Oh Thank God" card. (Which, on the flip side, reads: "what i mean is ... sorry about your divorce.")

We've always been fans of the nuanced line over at, where, this week, you can mourn J.D. Salinger's death ("It's time to honor the life of a writer who despised all of us"), broadcast your ambivalence about the new iPad, or send a "Jersey Shore" video greeting to your favorite cougar.

The point is, until today, no e-card has left us speechless. Then the Hottiegram landed -- with a ba-da-boom -- in our inbox.

Because there's no better way to say "Happy Valentine's Day" than with a half-naked Playboy Playmate flashing your boyfriend! "I just wanted to tell you that you are so getting some tonight," she coos, as she peels off her tank top. Can't handle all the nekkid-ness? Select the PG-13 version, and your Playmate will just smile suggestively while remaining fully clothed.

In fact, every detail of a HottieGram is customizable. You can choose your Bunny (Miss November, Miss December or the Playmate of the Year), select your guy's first name for her to say, and specify the occasion: Recession Relief, Birthday Surprise! or -- feeling spiteful? -- Sorry You're Going Bald.

Best of all, since the Hottiegrams are still in beta, all of the e-cards are free.

Our question: Will you be sidling on over to right now -- or shall we direct you to the e-card to send when you're pretty sure the apocalypse is nigh? Answer after the jump.