Every week, the editors over at GuySpeak
give answers to women's questions in guy style. Then they handpick some of their favorites and send them over to us here at Lemondrop to answer (read: fix) them in girl style. This week, what do you do when guys who ignored you in high school crawl out of the Facebook woodwork to hit on the grown up you?
Read on for our guy vs. girl advice!
First, the guy perspective, and for that we turn to Cary "Wise-Ass" McNeal. He totally understands the recent babe's position, says she can dismiss anyone she chooses, and gets why she would want revenge, just like "the ugly duckling who becomes a hottie or the fat guy who's now buff or the nerd who's filthy rich. They're the ones who always attend the high school reunion so they can rub it in."
He proclaims that all teenagers are idiots, and that we all suck in high school, and that if you ignore someone because of how they were in high school, you might be missing out on an awesome person who has changed
. His advice is that our duckling-turned-swan give these guys the chance they never gave her in high school.
Hmmm. It seems this question hit home for both McNeal and myself, but while it sounds like he might have been the high school meanie now Facebooking his former classmates, I'm the girl who was ignored and often teased. When I was a junior, I was lamenting to an older cousin about how much I hated high school, and he said, "Listen, there are two types of people in the world: Those who called people names in high school, and those who were called names. That never changes. Which would you rather be?" Good point.
McNeal is right -- all teenagers are idiots, (I could have helped my social standing by not wearing ridiculous safety-pinned pants and furry shirts), but not everyone sucks in high school. Just mean people. (High-five on that late-'90s reference? Anyone?
So here's what I advise: Think back carefully about the guys who are attempting to pursue you now. Were they so popular back then that they just didn't have time to notice little ol' you? Did they seem freaked out by and angrily jealous of your free spirit, like James Spader was with Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink
"? Or did they intentionally ignore you because you weren't in their social caste?
Not noticing you until now isn't a crime, but showing a pattern of intentionally excluding people because of who they are is something to think twice about when considering a suitor, at least in my book. If there are any former classmates that pass the James Spader Test (by not acting like James Spader), and you're genuinely interested in dating them, give it a try, and go into it with open eyes and an open heart.
Discuss what high school was like for both of you, hear out each other's perspectives, and then remember that you're both adults now. Worst-case scenario, there are no sparks but you can be proud that you've taken the moral high ground. And best-case scenario, what an awesome story for your children!
What do you think? Were you an early bloomer or a late bloomer? Have you ever had a guy who ignored or teased you in high school ask you out later, and if so, what have you done about it? Anyone have any stories about dating a former bully? How was the sex? We want to hear everything!
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