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Read on for our guy vs. girl advice!
First, the guy perspective, and for that we turn to Cary "Wise-Ass" McNeal. He totally understands the recent babe's position, says she can dismiss anyone she chooses, and gets why she would want revenge, just like "the ugly duckling who becomes a hottie or the fat guy who's now buff or the nerd who's filthy rich. They're the ones who always attend the high school reunion so they can rub it in." He proclaims that all teenagers are idiots, and that we all suck in high school, and that if you ignore someone because of how they were in high school, you might be missing out on an awesome person who has changed. His advice is that our duckling-turned-swan give these guys the chance they never gave her in high school.
Hmmm. It seems this question hit home for both McNeal and myself, but while it sounds like he might have been the high school meanie now Facebooking his former classmates, I'm the girl who was ignored and often teased. When I was a junior, I was lamenting to an older cousin about how much I hated high school, and he said, "Listen, there are two types of people in the world: Those who called people names in high school, and those who were called names. That never changes. Which would you rather be?" Good point.
McNeal is right -- all teenagers are idiots, (I could have helped my social standing by not wearing ridiculous safety-pinned pants and furry shirts), but not everyone sucks in high school. Just mean people. (High-five on that late-'90s reference? Anyone?)
So here's what I advise: Think back carefully about the guys who are attempting to pursue you now. Were they so popular back then that they just didn't have time to notice little ol' you? Did they seem freaked out by and angrily jealous of your free spirit, like James Spader was with Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink"? Or did they intentionally ignore you because you weren't in their social caste?
Not noticing you until now isn't a crime, but showing a pattern of intentionally excluding people because of who they are is something to think twice about when considering a suitor, at least in my book. If there are any former classmates that pass the James Spader Test (by not acting like James Spader), and you're genuinely interested in dating them, give it a try, and go into it with open eyes and an open heart.
Discuss what high school was like for both of you, hear out each other's perspectives, and then remember that you're both adults now. Worst-case scenario, there are no sparks but you can be proud that you've taken the moral high ground. And best-case scenario, what an awesome story for your children!
What do you think? Were you an early bloomer or a late bloomer? Have you ever had a guy who ignored or teased you in high school ask you out later, and if so, what have you done about it? Anyone have any stories about dating a former bully? How was the sex? We want to hear everything!
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Tuesday 26 January
By MEGAN
I was a "plain jane" in high school & liked to keep to myself. Yeah I had crushes, but never went forward with any of them. My major cruch had a girlfriend who became his wife. Both he & I worked at the same place & talked regularly. Since we were both married, I never persued him. I quit working there & we lost touch. Strangly enough, 2 years later he came into a store that I worked in. We both had gotten a divorce over a year ago so we decided to date. I am glad for that because we are still going strong 2 years & 1 & 1/2 kids later. Let all your past relationships be a lesson to you but forge forward with a better life. And give that person you knew in high school a chance.
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Friday 29 January
By lola
how does someone have one and a half kids???
Friday 29 January
By SamTheman64
My nephew dated all of his wife's friends in HS and never asked her out. A couple years after HS, they met at a club and he asked her out. They are very happily married. He can't offer a reason for not having asked her out. He just didn't. Can't date'm all!
Really! Grow up!
Never accept a date, unless you want to be with that person. If you want to be with a person, it doesn't matter when they ask you out, GO OUT WITH THEM. If you get tired of waiting for someone to ask you out, ask them! If you are a vengeful person, I doubt you'll get asked out a lot. I'd suppress the urge to get revenge and go out and have fun, instead. And try to grow up before your life is over. Honey attracts more bees than vinegar. Oops! Now, I AM showing my age. Probably, some of that old school, Benjamin Franklin (who's he!) wisdom I acquired when I actually got an education in HS.
Friday 29 January
By Kathy
Yeah..I also want to know about the one and a half kids. Also, no mention
of whether or not "the guy" thought enough of her to marry her!
Friday 29 January
By cocotalksalot
This is a really inspiring comment. Thanks!
Friday 29 January
By Guest
1 and a half kids??
Friday 29 January
By gothceltgirl
1 1/2 kids means she was pregnant at the time of writing this. Good for you MEGAN!
Thursday 28 January
By K
I agree more with the female writer's point of view than the guy. Here's how I see it: if the boy didn't notice you in high school because you ran in different social circles/had different classes/etc that's no reason to hold a grudge. If the boy teased/bullied you (especially for looks or other things that cannot be controlled) then you can completely ignore them. The way I see it, the boy was being shallow in high school and is continuing to be shallow today if the only reason he's made contact is because he thinks you're hot. In any case, starting a relationship on bad blood doesn't sound like a good idea.
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Friday 29 January
By Eric
I agree that if someone didn't acknowledge you in high school because he didn't think you were hot enough for him is shallow. But I don't agree that because a person was shallow back then is still shallow now. We were all dumbasses when we were younger. The only ones I know that are still dumbasses are the ones who never grew up, and realized that they were the most insecure out of all of us (even though they didn't seem to be at the time). You can't judge person from how they were in their teens, unless it wasn't too long ago (ie. 17 yrs to 22 yrs isn't that much of a difference in terms of mental and emotional growth. 17 yrs to 30 yrs is). You can only judge them for who they are now. And you will never know that if you hold on to grudges.
Friday 29 January
By Karen
What a surprise!...High schoolers being "shallow." Can you believe teenagers being more concerned with how someone looks than with what they are, inside? OMG! What has happened to youth??? Get over it! The fat, ugly, pimply, gross kids don't date the "hotties," in high school. Never have and never will. Keep holding a grudge, isolate yourself and invest in cats. @@
Friday 29 January
By Tina
Yeah...I had a guy who teased me all thru middle and early high school...then we didn't see each other until graduation time...he asked me out not knowing who I was. Long story short...been married 12 years!
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Friday 29 January
By barham619
I was a very average guy in H.S. back in the late 70's. I wore plastic, black framed glasses and was a little chubby, not huge, just out of shape. I was always nice to everybody else, but others weren't always so kind. I went to my best friends house once. His cousin was there. Her father is a lawyer, so they were well off. And she was so beautiful, at least physically! I tried to talk to her just like I would talk to anyone else, to be nice. She would have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me. Not that I kept trying, but she made me feel terrible. Shortly after graduation I wanted to become a fireman, so I got contacts, I started jogging and working out. I also grew a moustache. I noticed that I was starting to get looked at by some very pretty girls. I was determined not to be like some of the jerk girls that let looks and body be the most important thing. My best friend was still my best friend. When I was 20 or so, I stopped by his house. His Uncle and cousin came over. She did not recognize me. I tried to be polite and cordial while showing my lack of interest. She was still physically beautiful, but she was NOT a nice lady. She kept giving me a leg show, etc. As the evening wore on I asked her if she remembered that evening 4 years ago when she totally ignored the chubby kid with the glasses strictly because he was not attractive. She was surprised but I could tell she remembered. I told her that I am STILL the chubby kid with the glasses on the inside. It was nice to walk away while she sat there with her jaw in her lap. A few years later I married a beautiful (especially on the inside), wonderful LADY. We've been married for 31 years. We have 2 childern and 5 grandchildren.
Friday 29 January
By UglyDuckling2
I was a late bloomer who, in high school, was the rowdie one and never had a boyfriend - although I always wished I did. It was hugely gratifying to go to my 10 year reunion and watch the eyes pop out of the guys heads and openly wish they had paid more attention to me back then. High school is supposed to be a time when you are free to grow up, make immature mistakes. Adulthood is when you are supposed to learn from them and move on. Who I was back then is not who I grew into. Just as I would want people to judge me for who I am now, I would date someone with an open mind and fresh perspective because they may have evolved and matured as well.
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Tuesday 02 February
By michael
MAN YOU SAY NOOOO WAYYYYYYY
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Friday 29 January
By Krissie
I had a very big crush on a boy in 8th grade. At the time, we were friends. That is, until he discovered I had a crush on him. Then he either never gave me the time of day or he made fun of me (and not the good, flirtatious kind). We went to high school together and he literally never spoke to me. I figured at that point, he didn't even know who I was. Well, I figure I got the last laugh. At our 10-year reunion, he came up and greeted me like we were long, lost pals. He had changed quite a bit (not better or worse, just changed) and was playing this "Guess who I am?" game with everyone and wouldn't put on his nametag. When I couldn't place him, he told me who he was and I was flabbergasted. We caught up and all was well. When I went home to reflect on the evening's activities and thought about our conversation, I was at first mad that he could remember me after 10 YEARS, but seemingly had no idea who I was when we were in school together. The last laugh came when I realized what an ego-buster it must have been for him for this wallflower of a girl who had a huge crush on him to not even remember him! We remembered each other at the 20th reunion, but I still like that story.
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Friday 29 January
By Skip
Get over it.
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Friday 29 January
By Maribel Dimock
You should definitely say NO...I've had the same happen to me!
Friday 29 January
By Glenn
Here's my take on it , when I was in High school , there was this girl who use to call me " Big Nose" all the time , ( in fact my nose was quite large , then ) But I have gained weight and filled out a bit and with new proportions scattered differently about my body , my nose doesn't seem quite as large now , BUT , back then it did give me a complex about my nose , do I have any issues with this gal today ? I'd have to say NO , that was then , this now , besides she's probably got a big butt now ( it was a little on the large size then ) did I comment on her butt back then? NO ! I always believed that I wasn't going to stoop to the level of others by retaliating . What would I do today ? Well after giving it some thought , ( I didn't give it much because , well for racial reasons , she being black and I white ) but I should have asked her out then , whats the worse that could have happened ? There was a lot of interacial couples in the school I was in back then ( early 70's ) , but I feel that maybe this was her way of telling me that she liked my nose and maybe she thought it was cute , she was a hottie then , and maybe she had a thing for me - am I being gullible ? because it never went any further than the "Big Nose" thing , maybe , just maybe that was a quality that she liked about me . The one thing we all have to remember is that people do change , we do grow up and just as the one poster or author of this article says , is yes, we were all idiots then - rebelll against the establishment etc. etc. etc. - now ya think about that and the way you've figured aout how the real world works , and your answer is YES we were idiots then !!
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Sunday 31 January
By Annette
Sorry, Glenn, more likely than not the girl really just wanted to tease you about your big nose. If you'd have asked her out, it would probably have been yet ANOTHER thing to tease you about.
Teenagers, by nature, are insecure. Many teens mask their own insecurities by teasing others.
You sound like an optimist and maybe you are right. Maybe she's a wonderful person today. But another possibility is that she is still mean.
Friday 29 January
By carrie
I totally agree with the female responder's advice. As for the male's comment: Thankfully there are more than two types of people in this world. Anyone who would say that you bully or you are bullied, was a bully. I not only wouldn't bully, I defended against bullying. Chastizing the bully from your "in" group sends a strong message to the "followers " that would normally give fuel to the fire of the bully. This seems what is wrong with today's teens. There are too many "James Spaders" masking their insecurities and shortcomings. By the way, I was voted the "best looking" girl in my school. I only mention that to quell suspicions of my opinions stemming from a deprived high school social life. I was also part of the crowd that was too cool for to go to Prom.
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