I've got a good one for you: How many blondes does it take to pick up a phone? Because dialing a few digits might have put another stereotype about fair-haired women to rest before it circled the globe this past week. In case you missed the latest "All blondes are ________" memo, let's start from the beginning:
This past weekend the Sunday Times of London published a story about a new study. According to the paper, the study found that today's blondes are short-tempered ice queens, used to getting their way -- and spoiling for a fight should anyone dare to question them.
The paper called it the "princess" effect: Blondes, born with a sense of entitlement, and used to having others do their bidding, lose their tempers more easily than women of any other hair color.
Before you could say "blonde joke," newspapers in New York had picked up the story, and reporters hit the streets to ask the flaxen-haired whether they thought being born a blonde made them more battle-prone.
The only problem? The British newspaper got it wrong -- more wrong than when a red-faced Mattel was forced to reprogram their "Math class is tough!"–talking Barbie.
What the study actually measured was whether attractive people anger more easily. Not one of the papers, apparently, that reprinted the story bothered to call the scientist behind the study to make sure what they published was correct.
And that sure got this blonde's Elle Woods–pink panties in a twist. Because it's not the first time it's happened.
The last blonde study that circled Earth in a nanosecond, only to be unilaterally debunked? Blondes will soon be extinct! Our recessive alleles, reported the BBC back in 2002, were being trumped by the dominant and dark-haired, and soon someone of my coloring would be rarer than a two-horned unicorn.
Just call us melanin-challenged. That one even sounded plausible, but as The New York Times finally reported, the story, and the study, were faker than your average bottle-dependent member of my tribe.
Then the rumor reared its ugly head again in 2006, when the Sunday Times (ahem, them again) reported that the last natural blonde would likely be born in Finland in 2202. And Stephen Colbert launched a satirical campaign to save our kind.
I ask you: Why are the fair-haired forever in the crosshairs?! Have you ever seen a screaming headline diagnosing the universal character traits of every redhead, brunette or black-tressed woman on Earth?
While we're at it: Do we -- the dizzy, ditzy, dumb (pick your poison) -- really deserve to have an entire category of jokes devoted to us?
Admittedly, we have our moments. But truly, aren't Chicken of the Sea and Jessica Simpson equally at fault? Tuna, after all, is a fish. And I see how that could get a little confusing.
And, no, we're not necessarily proud to count Ann Coulter, Paris Hilton or even the new, "improved" Heidi Montag among our ranks. But at least we don't have Sarah Palin doing her 100 brush strokes before bed with our team.
The truth is, there are very few things you can say about All Blondes Everywhere. Except maybe these:
1) We're a rare breed.
Of course, nobody's really done the global blonde census either (it's tough when we're always at the beach!), but it's estimated that between just 1 and 6 percent of the world's population is actually blond.
2) We tend to look do-able (but not for the reasons you'd think).
The one thing science will definitively go out on a limb to say about blondes is this:
"Women's hair, at least in North American countries, is lighter when they're younger, and darker as they get older, so blond hair may be a particularly good indicator of youth," says Catherine Salmon, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Redlands California. "At least in a non-hair-dyeing society."
In other words, part of the perennial fascination with blondness may be that, in the time before highlights, lowlights, peroxide, Sun-In and hair extensions, being blond may have been a clue to the cavedudes that you were still fertile.
When she took that idea to the streets, Sally Aitken, director of "The Blonde Mystique" -- yes, an entire movie dedicated to debunking blonde stereotypes -- found that the hypothesis held up.
When a blonde, a brunette and an African-American woman of the same age all walked into a bar -- people routinely guessed that the blonde was youngest.
Of course, with the arrival of the cougar, all reproductive givens are goners.
3) We like to poke fun at ourselves.
It was a recent visit to Scandinavia that convinced me of this. After my plane touched down, and tall, gorgeous Elin Nordegren look-alikes swarmed the baggage claim, I was floating in a little bubble of bliss.
It had suddenly occurred to me: Here, where nearly everyone was blond, all the stereotypes were moot. For the first time in my life, nobody would assume that I was dumb, fun, sex-crazed or, now, angry and entitled, before I'd even opened my mouth.
Then, one day in downtown Stockholm, I stopped cold in front of a store. In the front window, jauntily displayed, was a red apron emblazoned with the words:
"Sometimes I just have a blonde moment."
And I had to laugh. Even in the land of the light-haired, the blonde joke lived on.
So now my only question is this: Will the jokes, the myths, and the misconceptions actually outlast blondes themselves? Let's hope someone remembers to check back in 2203. Probably a brunette -- aren't they the most dependable?
More Good Stuff on the Web
Why am I still having bad sex?(Lemondrop)
How to get it on in public (Lemondrop)
The 7 biggest Facebook taboos (Guyism)
Truly unbelievable photos ... like this Lawn Whale. (Burbia) 











Comments:
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Monday 25 January
By Robyn
I would like to add to this discussion. My sister and I were both born blonde. My hair has stayed a light blonde(sometimes almost white in summer), while my sister's hair turned light brown as a child. Here's the rub - my eyebrows are light brown/dark blonde, her eyebrows are blond!
You certainly cannot judge a persons natural hair color all the time by the eyebrow color. As for those who tire of blonde jokes and stereotypes, get over it! I have heard every joke there is, and usually I reply with one of my own. I for one don't feel threatened by silly misconceptions and jokes. Laugh and move on! Life is too short.
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Sunday 24 January
By Stanley
Carrie Sloan is guilty of ignorance despite her hair color. Anyone who went to the trouble to study the history would discover that the only reason so many people have a wrong impression of Paris Hilton is due to the media and their blatant lies. The media made Paris Hilton famous, but when the public accused the media of too much coverage of Paris, it was the media that turned on Paris and made her look like someone she in no way resembles. Even when Paris got arrested, which was not for DUI, she was unfairly portrayed and the victum of both the media and the lame justice system. You can say all you like about Tiger Woods, who really deserves the negative portrayal, but bashing Paris because you can't think for yourself and swallow every outrageous lie the media spits out makes you the ignorant one.
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Sunday 24 January
By Kim
I am a natural redhead with blue eyes - the strawberry blonde type, not the carrot-ty color. Having read up on it, it seems that redheads are the most steretyped, and not very nice stereotypes at that. In some countries it is believed if you have red hair you are associated with the devil. I went to Egypt and in the smaller towns, people couldn't stop staring. Small children wanted to touch it.
As a child, redheads get TORTURED by their classmates. I wanted to have dark hair like all of my siblings when I was growing up. Now I like it - it makes me stand out from the crowd.
Also, it is redheads that are on the verge of extinction, not blondes. Less than 1% of the world's redheads are NATURAL, not dyed. Practically every redhead you see in Hollywood is a dye job.
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Sunday 24 January
By jlvice
It all falls under judging a book by its cover, which pisses me off but that may prove the point of those trying to say blondes get angry easily anyway, but I am the daughter of a red-head, lol. You can't win. Get to know me before you start making assumptions about me.
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Tuesday 26 January
By Annie
I would love copies of your cookbooks to donate to our local society who helps infants for a raffle. As a blonde, it would be a perfect donation from you to me to them. Please consider this request.
Thanks in advance
Annie a Nana of 4
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Sunday 24 January
By Todd
There's more to natural blonds and redheads than hair color. They have soft light skin, light eyes, and soft thin body hair. It's really more of a peach fuzz than hair. And something else very important; the hair "down there" is soft, thin, and not much of it. Nothing's worse than a big thick wiry bush. Yuck! And something else is many dark haired women have thick dark leg and bush stubble that you can see under the skin, so even freshly shaved it's clear as day. When it grows out it's like sharp wiry needles. Disgusting!
My wife is a redhead, and aside from being the most beautiful woman I've ever met, her hair color is amazing and body hair is clear peach fuzz. I could never accept anything less again.
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Sunday 24 January
By mary
ellie .
Your thoughts were rambling all over the place... you couldnt seem to put a sentence together in proper sequence..
Reply
Sunday 24 January
By Sally
Cali, your statement that bleached blondes haven't been in style since the '80s doesn't fit the current look of nearly every celeb that's white and many that aren't are following suite. All the entertainers are beginning to look alike.
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Sunday 24 January
By Michael Odom
A redhead isnt anything but a blonde in disguise!
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Sunday 24 January
By hs
Michael Odom: Not true, redheads are in a class all by themselves, and they're more different from brunettes than blonds are. Redheads are the only way to go imo. Considering how rare a true redhead is, then trying to find a beautiful one who is also single is a real challenge. Then to have chemistry with her and connect is like a needle in a haystack! I found one and she's amazing! I've never met anyone who could replace her... They do have a temper tho, a violent one!
True blonds and redheads are more feminine, have lighter prettier eyes, and don't have thick body hair. Sorry, but a brunette has nothing on them.
Sunday 24 January
By Todd
There's more to natural blonds and redheads than hair color. They have soft light skin, light eyes, and soft thin body hair. It's really more of a peach fuzz than hair. And something else very important; the hair "down there" is soft, thin, and not much of it. Nothing's worse than a big thick wiry bush. Yuck! And something else is many dark haired women have thick dark leg and bush stubble that you can see under the skin, so even freshly shaved it's clear as day. When it grows out it's like sharp wiry needles. Disgusting!
My wife is a redhead, and aside from being the most beautiful woman I've ever met, her hair color is amazing and body hair is clear peach fuzz. I could never accept anything less again.
Reply
Sunday 24 January
By Alexandra
Bought time we had a witty round up of the blond facts and fiction!
Reply
Monday 25 January
By TIFFANY
I WAS BORN A NATURAL BLONDE, AND WAS SOOOO TIRED OF AL OF THE BLONDE JOKES GROWING UP .....BUT, THEN I REALIZED SOMETHING --- I THINK THE PEOPLE THAT WRITE THESE DAMN BLONDE JOKES , ARE A BUNCH OF FOOLISH, JEALOUS AS HELLE BRUNETTES, WHO ARE MAD THAT WE BLONDES GET AL THE ATTENTION.......ESPECIALLY FROM LATIN AND AFRICAN MEN ......BECAUSE AL OF THER WOMEN LOOKD THE SAME --DARK HAIR , DARK EYES , ETC ETC .........SAME SHYT......I AM A NATURAL BLONDE WHITE, EDUCATED FEMALE, MARRIED TO A BRUNETTE ,SEXY,EDUCATED MAN, AND WE HAVE 3 KIDS ....... AND WE ARE HAPPY ...... SO I DONT GIVE A RATS AZZ WHAT THESE SURVEYS THINK--IVE COME TO REALIZE THAT OTHERS ARE SIMPLY JEALOUS OF SEXY NATURAL BLONDES ---AND I KNOWWW - A TON OF WOMEN DYE THEIR HAIR BLONDE, AND U CAN SPOT THEMA MILE AWAY ---BUT I AM ONE OF THE FEW NATURAL BLONDES --AND I LOVE MY FAIR SKIN, LITTLE FRECKLES, AND LONG, GORGEOUS LIGHT BLONDE HAIR --GOD MADE ME THIS WAY ,AND IM BEAUTIFUL --AND IF YOU BRUNETTES CANNOT HANDLE IT, THEN ITS JUST TOO DAMN BAD ...........OH, AND BY THE WAY --I HAVE MY MASTERS DEGREE, AND SO DOES MY HUBBY ....SO IM NOT "THE DUMB BLONDE"....IM "THE EDUCATED BLONDE"--I AM A SENIOR ACCOUNTANT , AND MY HUBBY IS A PEDIATRICIAN.........SO BRUNETTES -- I THINK THE ONES WITH THE BLONDE JOKES ARE JUST JEALOUS HATERS .....OHH WELLLLL---- SOMEONE HAS TO BE BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!!!!!....... BRUNETTES -- GO BLEACH YOUR MUSTACHE OR SOMETHING ......GOD BLESS ALL MEN AND WOMEN WHO THINK BLONDES RULE !!!!!!!!! MY HUSBAND SURE DOES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Monday 25 January
By jricelli
All this talk of whether body hair and head hair are the same color.......I once dated a Ukanie girl whose hair was very blonde, the color of the sun.. The first time we were intimate, I decided to go downtown for a much at the Bush Burger Eatery. Her hair was the same color as the top of her head.
At another time, I rented a spot at a storage area for years and got to know the gal who ran the place very well. One day I go in to pay my rent and there were about four or five gals sitting and talking. One of them I had never seen. She had blonde hair so light that any lighter it would have been white. Her eyebrows were the same color, but her eyelashes were particularly noticeable. They were super thick and very long and seemed to flutter when she blinked, I told her she had the blondest lashes I had ever seen. After a minute or two of discussing her color, I paused for a moment, thinking of her fur bun. The gal I knew must of read my mind because she says, yeah, it's the same color down there.
That my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so stupid?
A. So that brunettes will understand them.
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Monday 25 January
By Sheesh
"being blond may have been a clue to the cavedudes that you were still fertile."
Yeah, except for one thing: children aren't fertile (nor did most prehistoric people live in caves). And most born-blonds become brunettes before or during puberty. Seriously, learn how to do some real science, evo psychos!
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Tuesday 26 January
By Jewel
It is a haircolor. Period. Haircolor has nothing to do with what kind of person you are. How other people perceive you is their own problem.
And to Jenna, you will continue to make fun of blonds for writing articles like this? What an ignorant statement. While this was not the most intelligently written article, I hardly think it warrants that response. I read plenty of trash that is written by brunettes/redheads etc.
All of this back and forth about haircolor, weight, height, breast size, etc. is nothing more than one more thing to make insecure people feel better by belittling others. Grow up.
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Friday 29 January
By ChristieLea
I'm a true blonde, one of that "lucky" 1 per cent, I suppose. LOVED THIS ARTICLE.
Let me share with you my favourite blonde joke:
Why are blonde jokes all one-liners?
So the brunettes can understand them.
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Wednesday 26 May
By Alexa
I love this ;-) i love the fact that people whom are not blonde feel the need to justify why "they're better and blondes are uglier". Inferiority complex much? Blondes don't need to justify why we're more attractive because, well, we are. It's fact - get over it. Just deal with the fact that you walk into a room next to a blonde and you'll come second - haha. We get more attention, we get the looks, we also get paid a much higher salary according to recent surveys so i totally understand why you silly little darker haired people feel the need to rant at us :-) You can sit there all you want saying "blondes get the attention because they're perceived as easy" - says who? Says you second-rate darker haired people? *sigh* All this time you spend critisizing us, you're just making yourselves look even duller. Oh and btw, when your man says he doesn't like blondes - they all say that to make you, the insecure brunette, feel oh-so better about your pathetic little self. Kisses!
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