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This week we have Panama Jackson, dubbed the "Girls' BFF", on hand to provide the guy answer. Panama uses a baseball metaphor to explain why a man who actually wants to have sex with you would never willingly strand himself on 2nd base with no chance of making a home run. He thinks being gay is still taboo enough that no straight man would exploit it for sexual reasons. "He just likes feeling you up because, well, that's what gay guys do. They watch you get undressed and help you pick out clothes and they tell you to firm up your booty and lift your boobs, then they physically show you where they should be. It's gay privilege."Though I have met two men ridiculous enough to say they're gay in order to get closer to women, and though it's been
the topic of a few movies, for the most part, Panama is right: straight men won't cross the thin gay line. There are certain unspoken intimacies that sometimes exist between straight girls and their gay boyfriends. Let me be clear: this is not at all about gay men secretly wanting to be straight, but about how intimacy is universal. Skin on skin feels good, touching feels good, and feeling close to someone feels good. There's a reason girl friends do each others' hair and guy friends will play-wrestle each other, and it's the same reason that gay men grab their straight girlfriends' boobs. It's not sexual, it's intimate. When we're children, our parents cuddle with us, but if you're single as an adult, you're expected to just wait until you're dating someone to experience physical affection, and that's a shame. Now, I'm not saying all Wills and Graces (side note: it's high time for a new gay guy/straight girl couple, America!) out there do this, but some do. The only time it becomes a problem is if you're so busy getting almost all your needs met by your gay boyfriend/straight girlfriend that you avoid romantic relationships. Sweetheart, if you're okay with being touched here and there by your gay friend, I say don't worry about it. But if you're uncomfortable with it, you find a DVD of the movie Boat Trip at his house, or if he starts going for more overtly sexual parts of your body, it might be time to reset those boundaries. Trust your instincts.
Ladies, chime in! Have you ever had a gay boyfriend get a little fresh with you? Have you ever had a guy pretend to be gay to get in your pants? Have you ever cuddled up, non-sexually, with a girlfriend on the couch to watch Project Runway? We want to hear from you!
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Tuesday 19 January
By Miss .
I am a cuddle whore. I love it. Touching and affection are fabulous. The majority of my friends are cuddlers, which is awesome for me. And boundaries are definitely blurred.
I have tits and a ghetto booty, and me being white makes all that an extra attraction for friends. They love to comment and grab. Actually, most people like to comment more often on my bottom than on my boobs (which are also out there). I've gotten used to it. The comments, even though they are pretty much full of awe, used to bother me a lot. Now, I mostly take it in stride. The grabbing has always been fine, and can actually be kind of fun. ;)
(But I hate it when people put any pressure with their hands on the top of my thighs, though. HATE IT.)
As for gay friends, making out at parties, and getting fairly hot and heavy is not uncommon in the slightest. But then again, lots of making out happens, in general. The only kind that doesn't happen is straight boys and straight boys. Sigh. And again with the cuddling. My gay friends are quite awesome and I heart them to pieces.
I know this is probably rather uncommon, but it's fun. :)
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Wednesday 20 January
By Becca
Agree totally with the idea that there's not enough affectionate, non-sexual touching between friends and even families here. Drives me crazy how homophobic and uptight people are most of the time. My family isn't that way.
As for the gay angle...well, I became besties with a gay guy who no one in our group knew was gay except me. Everyone - I mean, everyone - kept teasing us that we were into each other... even people at work. We'd constantly trade innuendos and we were definitely touchy-feely... But you know what happened? We ended up sleeping together - and he initiated it! We dated and slept together for six months, and it was the best s*x i've ever had LOL It was all about the chemistry...
We ultimately decided we were better as friends, but I love him dearly and we're still very close, but are both in relationships with other people. However, to this day, people who haven't seen us together before think we're a couple.
So I say, love is love and chemistry is chemistry no matter who you find it with. It's rare to find it, so just enjoy it when you do!
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Tuesday 26 January
By Judy
My very first job at a very lovely hotel meant I was surrounded by extremely creative people and quite a few happened to be openly homosexual. "Ray" was definitely not straight and neither were his friends. I was the "token" female of sorts with a gay best friend. Ray invited me out one night to check out a new place that had just opened up and yes basically I found it a little odd that I was invited, period. Ray was my friend so I thought I will go to this club and proudly support my gay friend. Ray bought two other friends as well. Another thing I thought was odd, I couldn't help but wonder what my place was in the schematic of this event, anyhow...Ray got very upset when he looked over the table where I sat and saw his friend really smooching me! In my defense he was so attractive and I at the time had lost all common sense (blame it on on the 21 years old phase) and the fact that this man really was gorgeous and to this day I don't get it! Still! I have over the years been friends with many gay couples and none of them get it either, they have their theories which involve looks but I don't buy it. I'm tall, that was one theory, that seems to be a big thing with men too though. Why do men like you just because your tall?
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Monday 01 March
By TMbklyn
Call me a prude, but touching me inside my "bathing suit lines," or sticking a tongue down my throat is no longer non-sexual touching, whether the guy is gay or not. It's not about affection or intimacy, then, it's about respect for each other, or lack thereof. Men convey dominance through sexual touching among themselves as well as with women-- prison, anyone?-- and unsolicited boob-grabbing is just as oppressive from a so-called gay-boyfriend as from a random hetero douchebag.
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Friday 01 October
By Wolfie
I spent four hours cuddling with my gay friend the other night while having a sleepover. He had his shirt off, and I had my head on his chest, but there wasn't any sexual tension pressing for more than that, so it's definitely true that affection is natural between friends. It was just a nice, relaxing time, and since I'm currently single, he's my go-to snuggle buddy.
There's nothing better than a gay best friend.
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