One of the best parts of having a platonic guy friend is having a go-to for the male perspective. And now I'm going to share my guy friend, Peter, with the world -- by answering your questions and then getting his take.
My last boyfriend and I had amazing, mind-blowing sex all the time for two years but had the most dysfunctional relationship. We broke up, and I have met the most amazing man in the world. He has everything I want, except in the bedroom. We've had sex three times and all three were the worst experiences of my life. I'm not kidding.
He seems so nervous that it's almost uncomfortable, whereas I'm not shy in any way. I really want to give this guy a shot and make it better. How do I approach the situation without hurting his feelings or making him feel like less of a man for it? I'm really at a cross road ... Help! -- Stacey, 29
I hate to break it to you, but sex in the beginning of a relationship does suck, most of the time at least. You lucked out if you had mind-blowing sex with your ex right off the bat. That said, don't be so hard on the guy because the reason he "seems so nervous" is probably because he is!
And at least this is a problem that can be fixed over time. If this guy really has the whole package and means that much to you, I would wait it out and bite your tongue. If you say something about his performance being subpar, not only are you going to make him feel more insecure, but he's gonna think he has some sort of expectation to live up to. And that's the worst because that's when guys start thinking about their girls' pasts -- Why am I not good enough? What kind of crazy stuff was she doing with her ex?
And that's another thing: You can't compare your new relationship with your past one because you'll never be able to move forward. Sure the sex might have been great, but the relationship sucked, so can you imagine how amazing your future sex is going to be with this new guy if he's the total package?
If you want him to feel more comfortable and open in the bedroom, try holding off on sex for a little while. Spend more time fooling around and let him initiate the next step in his own time. When he does want things to go further, it'll be because he wants it, not because he feels pressured to perform a certain way. And once that's the case, odds are he'll let his guard down.
Think positive -- this is something can be changed. It's about growing with a person, and hey, you might be able to train him into the best thing you've ever had!
Do you have any advice for Stacey? Have you experienced sucky sex in the beginning stages of your relationships? Did things change for the better, or did you ditch the guy for someone who turned out to rock your world?
Kristen Rollins blogs about relationships for Lemondrop and Peter Fertiguena runs Academy Printwear. Leave your questions for Kristen and Peter in the comments!