debontherocks blogs about work, business and communication for BlogHer.com.
January is "make over your life!" month. Pages and pages of self-improvement schemes are clogging the cloud with their vision for change. Kate Gosselin's straw-head makeover is inexplicably everywhere, including on CBS's morning show (here on YouTube
President Obama finally took a little time to give the Oval Office a makeover
. The Internet would like to inspire you to make over a room
, or at least even just your magnets. You could make over your mommy body
or your mental health
. Perhaps it is time to make over your career
(a la What Color Is Your Parachute?) or your wardrobe
With all of these makeovers from which to choose, please don't forget something as obvious as the nose on your face: 2010 just might be the year for you to make over your labia
Now, through the modern miracle of cosmetics, you can enhance your labia with a little makeover boost! Have you noticed your labia looking a bit pale this winter? A tad peaked? Or maybe your labia color is changing as you age?
A product called "My New Pink Button,"
sold via Amazon Marketplace, advertises that it is the answer to your labia makeover needs. According to the FAQ
posted on the My New Pink Button site, these little pots of blush for your girlie bits are revolutionary cosmetics for the labia sector:
Q. "I used to be so "Pink" and healthy looking on my inside Labia Lip area. Now I am losing that fresh look. Is there anything I can do"?
A. Yes, now there is a solution! "My New Pink Button" is a Cosmetic Dye especially for the woman's genital area, to help restore that healthy vibrant Rosy color. Until now there has never been a solution for restoring natural pigment. This is a concern with many women and more than you can even imagine, and a frequent question that Physicians are asked. Check out the blogs on the Internet. You are not alone! This is a common problem and we now have a simple and safe solution, restoring sexual confidence to Women everywhere!
The dye, otherwise known as "Cosmetic Labia re-Colorant," lasts two to three days. In addition to tinting your labia, My New Pink Button can also be used on nipples and male genitalia, which is thoughtful, because one-use products are not eco-friendly at all. My New Pink Button isn't limited to pink, either: Like other more traditional lipsticks, it comes in a (small) range of shades, including a pink, a rose, and two spicier colors. You can ask yourself, "What season would I like my vaginal lips to be? Are they autumns? Or perhaps they are simply summers?" And bam -- a new harvest moon could be rising. Although right now you need to do the swatch-shopping in your head, check out Badgerbag's brilliant idea
for enhancing their Web site functionality to include uploading a pic to try on labial colors. Hours of fun!
Ann Allen blogs at Saturday's Child
and learned about My New Pink Button while watching the television show "The Doctors." Here's her take
Yes......who knew that as we age our labia lips change color and there is even a friggin color wheel that explains the different colors and how and why the lips change. Good God, it's like the Autumnal leaves changing colors. I couldn't believe it. They even have a dye called pink button so you can dye the damn thing. Trust me, even at my age, the drapes don't match the carpet and the carpet is slightly worn, but the lips............don't even go there. I just couldn't stop laughing. AND NO, I haven't checked my color, but I am convinced it is somewhere between a mauve and a gingersnap.
Of the four colors available, if I were shopping for a labia makeover I would probably go for Bettie, because the description of the Bettie color
is my favorite:
This shade blends with a woman's own skin tones to bring out that "sexy hot pink, I am fired up, look". Go dancing this weekend and remember to bring "Bettie" along!
Now, actually, if you want to get a youthful feeling coursing through your labia, you would be better advised to, yes, go dancing, but instead of bringing My New Pink Button "Bettie" with you, find a Betty to come home with you. A Betty (or OK, if you must, a Bobby) who appreciates the glorious, diverse rainbow of natural labia colors fresh out of the box.
That will put you in the pink.
Or rouge, or purple, or honey, or caramel, or the sienna shade of the edges of a closing Iris ...
Better yet, just as you don't need the dye, you don't need anyone else to tell you your labia look mahvelous
. What if it they just are
Because truthfully, I'm not in the market for labia dye. I'm not bragging when I say that my personal parts are a gorgeous labia shade as is -- because I'm certain so are yours.
Many people are blowing off My New Pink Button as an unnecessary, comical product that's white elephant-gift worthy. Feminist Philosophers
said: Not sure if this tops the vagina mints
, but it's a close runner-up, surely?
It is funny, to be sure, but to me it's also a sad indicator of the type of alienation from our own innate loveliness, chick confidence and acceptance of aging that leads to more permanent makeovers such as vaginoplasty, or to distancing ourselves from enjoying our bodies and sexuality throughout our lives.
Carmen at Carmen Says blogged this
about intimate makeovers:
SELF-ACCEPTANCE IS A RADICAL AND SUBVERSIVE ACT
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Those that sell things to women make most of their money off of convincing women that there is something wrong with them. Your hair is too gray, too straight, or too curly. Your skin is too light, too dark, too wrinkled. Your lips need puffing. Your thighs need slimming. Your unsightly facial hair needs removing. I even saw an ad once for a bra that had extra reinforcement in the cup to prevent the nipples being visible when they become erect. The tag line was, "Look natural, not naked." Because we all know that there is nothing more unnatural than a naked breast with an erect nipple on it.
In all, My New Pink Button makes me want to go all ninja-labia-avenger and throw mirror parties and finally rename "The Vagina Monologues
" "The Labia Monologues" and stage actions where women jump on stages and proclaim "Bing cherry in da house!" or "Little Barbie Dream Corvette, baby!" or "This latte was made with a dash of cinnamon!" or "If you want me to change colors, put some lipstick where your mouth is, mister, and let's get going!" Are you in?
Or are you in the market for a makeover? Do you care what color your labia are? Do you know? Would it make you happy to get a labia makeover and I should mind my own labial business? Regardless of the color of your private parachute, I'd love to know where you sit on the issue. BlogHer is the leading participatory news, entertainment and information network for women online. Follow them at BlogHer.com, on Twitter (@Blogher) and on Facebook.