Amy Spencer is a dating expert and the author of "Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match
" (out in February 2010, Running Press). We asked her the dating questions that continue to baffle us.
Should you call or text after the first date?
I'm a little old-fashioned about first dates and believe in the idea that most guys like to be the ones doing the chasing at first. So while I'm not saying, "Don't ever text or call him," I am saying, "Give him
a chance to do it first."
Let him swim in a little anticipation for a minute. Let him wonder how you feel and fear he might lose you to some other date with some other guy if he doesn't call or text or ask you out again.
That said, if you had a great
time and you want to let him know, go with your gut. I'd suggest sending him a quick text on your way home from the date or when you get home. Keep it simple with something like, "Thanks for an awesome time. Good night" or "Got home safe. Thanks for a great night."
It can work, too. A friend of mine sent a "Thanks for a great date" text on her way home in a cab, and her date was so impressed and got such butterflies to see it, they fell in love and got married three years later. Don't, however, leave the text open-ended for a night of texting. And don't
end with a question that he might not answer -- you'll toss and turn all night wishing you didn't.
Worth noting: Choose your form of communication wisely. Your first forms of communication will set the bar for future ones, so if you choose texting right off the bat, it'll be hard to upgrade to phone calls later.
Bottom line: When it's good, you'll know. Don't make too much of a game out of it or let someone else's "rules" or guidelines hold you back from expressing what you feel. If you want to text him, text him. If you want to call, call. And if he's not interested in return, he just won't text or call you back, and then you'll know. Better to know sooner than be dragged along for a while and find out later. If calling him after your date to say thank you is going to totally turn him off
, then he clearly isn't the right guy for you.
About Amy: Amy Spencer has written for Glamour, New York, Harper's Bazaar, Page Six magazine and Match.com among other publications. She is the former host of the relationship call-in radio show "Sex Files" on Sirius's Maxim channel and also created and writes for The Dating Optimist.com.