The New Year is off to a bittersweet start for Neenah Pickett. The New Jersey media consultant, 43, spent all of 2009 searching for love and not finding it. Still, Pickett emerged with hope and pride intact.
At her Web site "52 Weeks 2 Find Him," she chronicled her dozens of dates and introduction to online dating and social networking sites -- her message being that finding the love of your life should take work.
"I did not put any effort into dating and went on two first dates in 14 years," she said of her past approach. "I thought, 'If I give all my effort like I do in my career and other areas of my life, will that make a difference?'"
Pickett included video posts and interviews with successful couples and dating experts and tackled topics like knowing when to throw in the towel. She also gave herself weekly challenges like going to church outings and barn dances.
"I wanted to really explore not just meeting guys, but understanding marriage," she said. "It was more about how to have something healthy and happy."
Click here to read more about Neenah's love search
At first, Pickett struggled with how open to be about her dates on her site. She also had to grow a thick skin to ward off nasty commenters. Updating and managing the blog was one of the hardest parts of the entire experience.
"It was definitely an adventure for me," she said. "I think people looked at it and thought I was obsessed with it. I had vacations and friends and work."
Pickett's efforts garnered attention from the media and struggling single women around the world. She also connected with like-minded women on Facebook and says their support was one of her favorite parts of her journey.
But not everyone praised Pickett. Lisa Abbie Paz, LMFT, PhD, a therapist in Miami, commends her "effort and willingness to be open minded," but cautions against trying too hard.
"... Mr. Right can be in the most unlikely of places and faces," Dr. Paz said. "That said, Neenah's mission including being overly diligent about dating and setting a time limit of one year seems rather restrictive. Instead I would encourage people to adopt Neenah's overall attitude, but perhaps not at the same pace or with the same definitive deadline."
Pickett has actually vowed to take a break from dating in 2010. But she still believes love is out there.
"I don't know how I'll feel at the end of 2010. In 2011, I won't continue at the pace I did, but I will continue being proactive. I won't be one of those passive people. I don't think it's true to who I am."
What do you think of Pickett's efforts to find love? Do you or would you ever publicize your quest for "the one"?
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Wednesday 06 January
By vgkflc
Mr right in 52 weeks? Give it a little more time then that.You dont want a lemon.One question;how open minded are you. Color,age and career...... How much do these fit in what you are looking for?? Why? Well I'm a single man.
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Wednesday 06 January
By KellyBug1
You find it when you quit looking!! I met my husband, and we married 2 1/2 months later... Neither of us were looking... That was 23 years ago. You need to live your life for you... Not for aother person.. Quit looking and be happy with yourself, it shows to the outside world and makes you a more attractive, beautiful person.
Wednesday 06 January
By milly crothers
Well, Tina, I have dated a Cuban refugee 24 years younger and let me tell you, I had to hook my seat belt for that ride. Different cultures just don't mix, either.
Anyway, will that younger guy be there for you in your old age? I doubt it. Is he going to be able to look at your sagging skin and wrinkles? I doubt it. Will you be able to keep up with activities after a certain age and he will still want to skate board or play baseball? I doubt it.
One most important thing, my sons thought I was losing my marbles and detested the embarrassment of their mom dating and living with that young guy who she had nothing in common with.
But, he did come out on the good end of the stick...he found him an American woman that he thought was rich and could give him the American dream while he search for opportunity.
I felt like a prostitute and I am sure I appeared that way to my friends.
Nope, go for the older, classier, financially better off, settled, honest, experienced man. He will understand your age and its issues. If its only sex you are after, then hire a Gigilo.
Age gap is no fun for most. And it looks rediculous...I know, I've been there.
So happy it is over and I have a wonderful, understanding older man who wants to take care of me, instead of me having to worry constantly about my hair, make up, aches and pains, and being ready.
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Wednesday 06 January
By PE
Hey...I dated a man 23 years younger than myself & of a different nationally.
It went on almost 2 years & it was the most bizarre sexual relation...actually
crazy fun but nothing of substance......other than a laughable/fun/pleasant memory!!!! No regrets.
Wednesday 06 January
By bev
Why would a woman want it made public that she is "desperate". Maybe when she finds who she is alone and learns to like herself maybe then it will be time for someone to come into her life. So many desperate people out there think they dont have a life without a man or woman in it. Please dont think I am alone or I am unhappy because thats not the truth. I just hate to see people wasting precious time searching when statistics prove when its time love will find you.
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Wednesday 06 January
By DARNAY
THATS TRUE YOU CAN BE BY YOURSELF THATS HOW YOUCAN GET TO LOVE YOU YOUR SELF. BUT IF YOU RUSH INTO SOMETHING ITS GONNA COME BY WRONG YEAH I KNOW THATS A FACT. I JUMP RIGHT INTO A RELATIONSHIP MAN IT TURN OUT TO BE ABUSEIVE I GOT MY BUTT TORNED UP YOU HEAR M!!!!SO IM THINKING THAT NEXTGUY WILL BE BETTER BUT HELL NOPE NOT AT ALL. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO? CAUSE IM WITH ATHIS F
GUY RIGHT NOW HES 26 AND IM 36 BIG {DIFF}HE DONT WANT TO WORK HE ALWAYS WAITING ME OR HIS MOM TO SOMETHING FOR HIM I CAN STAND THIS STUFF ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday 06 January
By mariam
I feel a woman or man shouldn't have to go and advertise themselves to find love. It should be love find you.When you go the way shes handle it makes man believe something must be wrong with her. What's wrong with people these days is there anything wrong with being alone?
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Wednesday 06 January
By Marshall
I wanted to comment on your question ther that you raised. Everybody's
different in terms of their tolerances towards levels of loneliness out there.
I am a veteran of loneliness as I am overly picky with some bad luck in the past. I never yet married. Yet I am in my early 50s now. My route towards
finding my next soulmate can vary in terms of which approach I choose to take.
The family structure and family networking only goes so far and then we
are faced with the choice of either being alone or else hunting for that
special someone. Loneliness for very long periods of time can have many
different outcomes for many different types of personalities. Not all bad but
not all that good either, I would say. An even balance of some socializing
and solitude would benefit me.
Wednesday 06 January
By r
being alone is not natural for the human, it causes alot of stress and pain.
Wednesday 06 January
By cindy
well....everything is wrong about being alone....im quiet young...17 to be honest... but it gets me really sad to see that everyone around has found a couple and i havent...sometimes i think is ok, but then i get to realize that someday i will get old and i wish i could find someone who loves me!!...i mean....that other person that we are looking for is important, cuz it represents a partner for life!!...idk i feel the same way...some times i wish i could find that person who share a life with.
Wednesday 06 January
By Martin
I"m a man in my 40s and love being single. I was married once and have two great kids....but married life was not for me. Now I date several wonderful women....I do what I want when I want. I live were I want to and go places that I want to visit. My kids moved to Oregon with me to be closer to me. Life is great.....There is no need to get married.
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Wednesday 06 January
By firefox
My dear fellow...your looks will fade and your health will eventualy decline and there is the matter of ED that most if not all men face at some point. This is a very good possibility for you. At your stated age, it may not seem like that right now...however it will come to pass. This is not condeming you, its just word of advice. Man was not made to be solitary. Thus we long to belong and be loved. You will think this is bullcrap....but wait..it will come to pass. Good luck to you.
Wednesday 06 January
By Nancy
I admire your honesty! No excuses, no whining! I hope you enjoy your life and
make it what you want it to be. One doesn't have to have a permanent partner
in life to be happy, or fit in the "norm" like everyone else. Noone gets out of
here alive, with or without a partner. As long as the women know where you
stand, that is playing fair. There's quite a few women out there who don't want
to get married again either!
Wednesday 06 January
By Sandran712
Martin>>Now I date several wonderful women....I do what I want when I want. I live were I want to and go places that I want to visit
Sandran712>>Heeeyylll no! A man won'y marry in their 40's because they want their cake and eat it too..I call these kinds a Male Ho!
Wednesday 06 January
By tyrebitre
I agree, Martin. I was married twice for a total of 24 years: have been single for the last 16 years and have no desire to be married again.
TO FIREFOX who thinks you will get old, ugly, and your pecker will wilt: You don't think being married will prevent these events, do you ? Apparently you feel that a wife is obligated to accept these things but a girlfriend will not and will bolt. Perhaps Martin is savvy enough to not date shallow women. I, personally, have no desire to marry someone simply to insure I have a captive caretaker in my old age.
TO SANDRAN who think you are a "male ho" because you don't wish to get married: Unless Martin is making the women he dates pay their way AND his, plus accepting money and gifts from them BEFORE he will prove he doesn't have ED, then your label is idiotic and wrong. From his post ( our only evidence from which to judge ) he sounds like he is upfront and honest about what he wants in a relationship; and if the women he dates are aware of it and still are Ok with him eating their cakes, I say " munch out " and it's no concern of mine ( or yours ).
Wednesday 06 January
By Michael
Is she really that desparate??? How sad.
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Wednesday 06 January
By Angle shark
I do not feel she is desperate or needs your pity. She is a smart woman not to just choose any bum who looks her way. She will find a good man who respects and loves her as she deserves. And has good common sense. We should never criticize another until we have walked in their shoes. That is what is truly sad.
Wednesday 06 January
By Babygirl
I don't see her as being desperate. I see her as being selective. Something I.m sure a lot of people which they had been sometime in their lives.
Wednesday 06 January
By usha
you shouldn't say that you are not in her shoes and have no idea what she has gone through there are a lot of us out there
Wednesday 06 January
By LLKoolJay
Sorry Neenah but America had called the N.O.I in 1996 to bring all of The AA Men out to the Big House " White house" so they can end up in the BIG HOUSE at LEASE 2 million AA men There's is your search...stop trying to appease this society and get on with life and love not vice and lugs. PPP.com don't be ashamed.
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