While flipping through a copy of People recently, I saw that in the "out" section of a recent Style Watch "in" and "out" list -- sandwiched between things like "stainless steel home decor" and "molten chocolate cake" -- was "long distance relationships."
This struck me as something that really could never be either in or out, so I had to hear the explanation.
"It's part of a new green, eco-conscious attitude: Break up with your out-of-state boyfriend or girlfriend because it's not sustainable, and date local!" Jennifer Ganshirt of Frank About Women, a marketing-to-women consulting firm, told the mag.
Granted, it makes for a lot of fantastic break-up lines: "Colin, it's not you, it's the environment," or, "I think we should see more sustainable people" or even, "There's another woman: Mother Earth."
But beyond the fact that this is taking the green thing a little too far, is there seriously anyone who would actually use an excuse like this to break it off?
Apparently, there is. After quizzing friends, it turns out that there are even more lame ways to pull the plug. A few examples include:
"You're too nice. I don't deserve someone who's nice." -- Christopher,
who didn't deserve to hear a real reason for being dumped, either, it seems.
"I don't want to hurt you." --Melissa,
because breaking someone's heart to avoid hurting their feelings totally adds up.
"You have terrible taste in pants." -- Joe
. At least the "It's not you, it's the environment" thing attempts to conjure up a noble ideal.
"I'm actually gay." -- Irina.
She said it would have been cool ... if he had in fact actually been gay and not simply ready to sleep with several other female friends of hers.
"I love you too much." -- Also Irina.
"I might move in the next five or so years, and I don't want to have to factor in a relationship." -- Lisa.
OK, if someone has five months to live and they don't want to factor in a relationship, fine. But might be moving? In "five years or so?" Heat exhaustion is a more plausible excuse for starlet hospitalization than this is for breakups.
"You suck in bed, and you have bad teeth." -- Jeff.
Ouch. Okay, if it's true maybe that's not exactly lame. But it certainly is tactless.
What's the lamest excuse someone has ever used on you to call it quits?
More Good Stuff on the Web
Are these the sexiest magazine covers of 2009?
Some seriously WTF wedding photos
What your tattoo says about you