It's rare that anything posted on the Internet is met with any emotion other than disdain, so we were touched and impressed by the warm response to a Best of Craigslist post called "A Letter to My Dead Girlfriend." Written by an anonymous guy from Chicago, the original letter is not a plea for any services or help, it's just one man's heartbreaking attempt to update his girlfriend on what's going on with him -- and her friends -- since she passed away. Once it hit Reddit, however, people started responding with their own tales of grief and coping, and it quickly became a massive group therapy session.
People are of course wondering if the original poster is real, since he never included an email address, but if his post was able to help so many people open up about grief in their own lives, I don't know that it even matters. Here's text of the original Craigslist post:
It has been a rough year darling. The ethereal power of Craig's List will get this message to you I am sure, like in some sort of cheesy 80s movie.
Well back to the last year, you of course died at the beginning of it which put things to a sour start. I spent last night with your mum and dad, we went to that Italian place in Wicker Park, who on the surface seem to be coping. I had everyone get together for my 25th which went well, your ladies are on top form and I think some engagements are brewing. Ellen is turning up the heat on Steve who will soon be forced down to one knee as you predicted.
Last weekend I finally took the step of cleaning out your clothes from the closet, which is very barren now. I invited your friends over to take your what they liked, it was an awkward session. I think they took them more as a favor to me than anything else. Liz cried when we pulled out all of your shoes, Miranda joined in and then Catherine broke down. It was strange to stand in our bedroom surrounded by three crying girls. I made a joke about them crying for joy at the prospect of some free Manolo Balhniks which they didn't seem to find very funny.
A few girls have put the moves on and as you know picking up women is not a forte of mine. It seems the grieving boyfriend seems to be a good angle. Who knew! I went on one date and spent it talking about you, the poor girl. You would have found it quite witty I think. No other dates to report, I am going against your orders to move on for now.
I found one of those hair tie things that somehow managed to squeeze into every crevice in the apartment. It was under the bed. I sat on the floor holding it and cried. Until then I had held everything together but it just all came flooding out.
Every morning when I wake up I forget for a fraction of a second that you are gone and I reach for you. All I ever find is the cold side of the bed. My eyes settle on the picture of us in Paris, on the bedside table, and I am overjoyed that even though the time was brief I loved you and you loved me.
Love,
P.
The original post is found here, and the Reddit comments are found here. If you have any similar experiences with grief and moving on, or any other reactions to this post, we'd love to hear them in our comments.
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Friday 01 January
By helen katharine jones
I hope these comments will help the young man who wrote the letter to his dead girlfriend and also, to you brokenhearted people who responded to his hurt. At the age of 73, I began a long lonely walk December 4, 2004 as my precious husband lay dying in my arms in a cold hospital room. It happened so quickly, I didn’t get to say goodbye and that still haunts me. Though surrounded by my loving daughters and their husbands, the aloneness I felt was overwhelming. My heart, my spirit, was gone from inside me, leaving me feeling lifeless and cold. There was a gaping wound in my chest where my heart should be that was a physical ache and would remain there for a long time to come.
I was beginning the longest, hardest walk of my entire life. As any widow can tell you, the transition from being a happily married woman to a widow is a daunting walk indeed, and one fraught with not only loneliness but fear and uncertainty, too.
Unfortunately, unlike some parts of our body, a cast can’t be put around a broken heart to help it heal. Only time can do that and time will not be rushed. Our heart is so heavy, we think we will never be able to laugh again. But in time, we will. And we think we can never feel real joy again but in time, we will.
The first two or three days seemed like a dream, a horrid nightmare. But after the funeral was over, reality set in. Everyone gone, the deafening silence crept around me. The empty recliner next to mine was a stark reminder that this was going to be a very long walk indeed to rejoin the real world and it helped some when I removed it from the room.
I found myself gravitating to others who had lost loved ones and they were such a comfort to me. If we allow others to hold our hand on this long walk back to reality, it will be an easier walk and someday, when the wound in our heart is healed, there will be room for love again. At the beginning of our walk, the mere thought of loving another is unthinkable, in fact, repulsive but for many, that too, can be possible with Time’s miraculous healing power.
A barren heart is not desirable because God designed the human heart to hold love: in fact, it is the essence of love. I was so fortunate that someone else, who had also suffered a grievous loss, held out his hand to me, and together, we found there was room aplenty in our hearts for an exciting and wonderful new love.
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Friday 01 January
By MICHELE
That was a very sad yet uplifting letter to me. I had just sent a facebook to my friends reminding them to love each other and never miss an opportunity to say it out loud. I found my sister dead 4 years and 5 minutes ago. What I wish I could have said to her. But she new how very much I loved her. I'm not ready to move on either in time.
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Friday 01 January
By carolynsnider@mac.com
I don't think anyone could make that up from scratch without a heavy heart and some real experience.
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Friday 01 January
By Gina
I agree w/ Joanne - he didn't show any sympathy...I don't trust men these days.
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Friday 01 January
By JAMES
KELLY S. , I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, MY WIFE WAS 60 AND SHE PASSED AWAY MARCH 9 2007. SHE HAD SURGERY DONE ON ST. VALENTINE'S DAY AND RECOVERING WELL. MARCH THE 9TH SHE CALLED ME AT WORK AND SAID SHE HAD CHEST PAINS. WHEN I GOT HOME SHE WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR, I DIAL 911 AND THE OPERATOR INSTRUCTED ME TO START CPR WHILE THE EMT'S WERE ON THEIR WAY. SHE WAS STARING INTO MY EYES FOR HELP, JUST BEFORE THE EMT'S GOT TO MY HOME, THERE WAS A SOUND I WILL NEVER FORGET. IT WAS LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH BEING TURN OFF COMING FROM HER THOAT. YES, ALL HOLLIDAY'S ARE HARD TO GET THROUGH JUST REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD TIMES AND MEMORIES YOU MADE TOGETHER. THAT DOES HELP, I KNOW.
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Friday 01 January
By Jennifer Sherwood
My husband died in August 2009 at the age of 46. I wrote this as part of an exercise for my grief group.
Dear Grief,
You are not the cause of my problems. You are merely the manifestation. You walk beside me. Sometimes you are inside of me and sometimes you infect the air around me. You blur my vision. You cloud my reason. You sit on my chest and compress my breathing. You cause my heart to pound, flutter and skip.
Right now you feel like my only friend. You offer me protection from thought. You keep me restless and moving. You don't let me sleep because you know I don't want to dream. I trust you.
But the tidal wave of loss is coming. It feels like the artificial calm before the Tsunami which will wreck havoc, sweeping everything up in its path and extinguishing life, breath and hope. Am I a survivor? Am I strong? I don't know. This feels too crushing to survive. Maybe you know that. You hold me close in your embrace. All physical sensation and no thought. You want me to live. But for what?
Thank you for not forsaking me. Thank you for holding me. Thank you for reminding me that no matter what -- I have loved and I have been loved. Don't let me go to soon. ~ Jennifer
Dear Jenny,
I'm glad you understand me. I must exist where ever there is love. The stronger the love, the bigger I am. I don't want to hurt you. And I haven't. Cancer did that. You were overwhelmed by a malevolent force. You did everything you could...don't be sad because you didn't lose. Scott used your love, energy, devotion and care to come to the end as he had to do. You will end one day too. Don't be scared. You're not alone.
I will never leave you because you are my child and I love you. I ask nothing of you. I do not judge you. I alone understand you. I give you permission to do whatever you need to do. What defines strength? What is a survivor? It doesn't matter. You endure. Some days you will smile and love. Others you will hurt and pine. That is my gift to you.
Our relationship was forged in fire -- it will not break. You are mine forever.
Grief
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Friday 01 January
By Bella
I lost the love of my life this past year. We were together for seven years and engaged to be married. Every single day he told me he loved me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I felt the same about him and never failed to tell him. Unfortunately I had to go back to my hometown for six months due to a family emergency and during that time he met someone else? He married her a month ago. I have been grieving since the day I heard those painful words over the phone,,,"I am not in love with you any more, I've met someone else." I can still feel the sting today. I stood by him through the good times and bad with his family and when I needed him the most he walked away. Perhaps he had a midlife crisis at 55? Just don't know. All I do know is that I don't ever want to feel that kind of pain again. My heart goes out to all of those here who have lost someone they love.
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Saturday 02 January
By Angelo
Thank you Bella that means a lot to me and I wish you could hold her hand and walk&talk with her, anything that would help her.
Friday 01 January
By Brooke
My 24 year old sister passed away ten days ago, and I just don't know how I'm ever supposed to feel "normal" again. I was 11 when she was born & basically raised her until she was six. She made some truly terrible life choices and she paid the ultimate price. Please, everyone out there, make sure your children know that all it takes is one wrong choice, one wrong step, and it can lead you to places you'd never thought you'd go. And never miss a chance to tell those that you love how you feel about them...life is too short and too unexpected to put anything off until later. I found out the hard way that 'later' is never a guaranteed thing.
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Wednesday 06 January
By Bella
Brooke, I belong to a wonderful forum started by David Sheff, the author of Beautiful Boy,,,a father's journey through his son's addiction. We go there and share our feelings, support each other, learn from each other and most importantly we do not feel alone. This forum is so healing to us all. I would truly love for you to come and share your feelings. We are a sisterhood and even though none of us have ever met, we are all very close. I hope to see you there.
My deepest concern and sympathy,,,,
Friday 01 January
By amanda
I DIDNT CRY AT ALL BUT I CAN SO MUCH RELATE I JUST LOST MY HUSBAND AND DEC 31 YESTERDAY WAS A YEAR THAT HE HAS BEEN GONE... SO I CAN REALLY FEEL THE PAIN AND I HAVE NOT MOVED ON AND I STILL HAVNT MOVED HIS THINGS AND AT TIMES I BREAK DWN ... THIS IS REAL LIFE FOR SOME PPL LIKE ME AND EVEN HIM IF THIS LETTER IS REAL.. AND WHY WOULD SOME ONE POST THAT ON CRIAGSLIST OMG BUT ANYTHING HELPS I WRITE TO MY HUSBAND IN MY BLOGS TO JUST ON MYSPACE
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Friday 01 January
By Deeb
We lost our daughter nearly 2 years ago in an accident. She was 2 months short of her 30th birthday.
Losing an elderly parent is sad but it's in the normal scheme of things. Hell is losing a child, whether an infant or a middle-aged adult.
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Friday 01 January
By Jeanne
Speaking of losses... Did you ever have a father that just did everything right? Well I did. I remember as a little girl, early in the morning...my daddy wigglin my toes at the end of my bed and quietly whispering..."You want pancakes?" He was always there, always listening and his eyes were filled with love. As little girl I remember him getting up in the morning and reading his Bible, he use to highlight all the scriptures that he thought were most significant, I don't think the man had an enemy in the world. Soft spoken, wise beyond words, so sacrificial in all of his ways. To see your father pray before you, to watch him set such an ultimate example just led way to a never ending search for a love in my own life that seemed non-existent. What prize I had in him, what a blessing it was to watch the dedication that he had to each and everyone of his kids. On June 18th 2009 he finally succumbed to life in heaven, I know he wanted to go there...but when time ran out for his weary body... he would look at me with those crocodile tears and say... "I'm so tired of fighting honey." I could see that he wanted to go, but he was grieving at the thought of leaving us. Always thinking of someone else, always reaching for a way to comfort us. On the day he died ... part of me died. That one and only daddy that I drew all my strength and security from had passed from the earth. The isolation and silence was overwhelming. The energy inside me zapped beyond words. It is amazing how the life of one soul can fill so much void in ones life.
So the holidays were so very difficult without him, yet he was in every tear that ran down my face on New Years Day... such a crushing feeling when you realize that you just can't reach out and hold your daddy anymore. But the one thing I did do was get out my cell phone and played back his messages that for some reason I had decided to save from last year ... and I played it over and over and listened to his voice... "Hello Jeanne, I'm just calling to tell you that I love you, so give me a call when you get this message okay honey? I love you now... bye bye." To hear his voice was everything to me. So here I start a new year without him, and although I know that he's in the hands of Jesus now, that selfish side of myself just tries so hard to reach for all the memories and all the hugs, kisses and stories he once told me as a little girl. Here I am 50 years old and still feel like his little girl, doesn't that tell you what kind of man he was. Such a spiritual man, such a dedicated husband to my mother, so honorable, wise and loving. Everyday I thank the Lord for having blessed my life with such a remarkable man for a father. I was so proud of him, so very proud, who wouldn't be? So Dad? Remember that faith you instilled in me? I want you to know that I believe in the Lord because of you, and because of you... I know how to love, and because of you I know that the angels in Heaven had to be dancing on Golden Stones when they knew that you were coming, like I did everyday when you drove into that driveway, like I did when you took me fishing and like I did when you held me in your arms and said... "I love you honey, I love you more then you could possibly know. Just remember that when love someone, you should never go to bed angry, and never hold a grudge, always forgive and try to be all that you can be in this lifetime so that when you leave this world you know in your heart that you will never regret anything that you've ever done... always say what you want to say, don't miss your chance because that chance might not be there tomorrow." So for you Dad... I'll go on, because I know that's what you would want me to do, and since I can't have you here with me, I'll just take the time out every now and then to spend time with you in heaven... the way you did every morning before you went to work... reading that Bible. That's etched in my mind Dad, etched in my mind forever, that look on your face when you pondered over the truth and you never let me down dad, you never let me down. You are the rock of my salvation and you know what Dad? Everyone should have been blessed with a Daddy like you. Thank you for being the type Father that stayed married to my Mother... unlike so many families. Dad? Thank you for teaching me about Christ, now my kids know how to love too. Dad? Thank you for praying in front of me... You gave me the strength to get through the day when you stopped breathing on this earth. If I had one wish ... one dream in my life it would be to sit on your lap just one more time... and lay my head on your chest and listen to your heart beat over and over like I did back then. Maybe again ... Me and you someday in Heaven. I love you Dad. Jeanne
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Friday 01 January
By Lynne
I am so glad to see the comments are kind, sensitive, and caring. So often they are not. Loss of a loved one is very painful. Time does indeed help, but the feeling of loss never goes away. My latest loss was that of my beloved mother. It has been a year and a half, and I still ache from the loss. Every day, I want to call her and talk about our days. But my faith allows me to believe that one day we will be together again. And I no longer fear that day. Love while you are here. And thank God for the blessings that you have been given...including time with the ones you have lost.
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Friday 01 January
By Melody
I am 20 years old I lost my Beautiful mother at the age of 16. I also have two sister one younger and one older. Why does God or the higher power decide it's time to take the mother of three growing girls who need thier mother more than anyone on this planet. I think about why cant I have a normal family life everyday ...I have this heart ache now and forever. I love you mom HAppy New Year.. Happy New Year everyone..... Stay strong...Peace on Earth.
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Friday 01 January
By Dawn
Real men have feelings and it is good to know that some still exist. My hope is that the next person who gets your heart, truly treats you well.
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Friday 01 January
By BARBARA M.
So sorry for your loss Nell and Sheila. I too lost my husband on 10/23/09. He was only 61. "Cancer of Unknown Origin" took his life. He suffered so much for 6 months. They were never able to determine what kind of cancer it was, and said there are only 2-4% of patients that fall into this category. His only option was chemo, and I am so sorry he had to endure that for 3 months, only to pass a short 9 days after stopping treatment. I am, of course, heartbroken and think of him constantly.
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Friday 01 January
By dennis thurman
my daughter lost her true love in july in a motorcycle wreck i was hard for her but also for the whole family becouse he was so full of life,but what hurt me the most was he wasnt found for 3 days and he laid there in a dark culvert in a whole surrounded by trees for three days alive and only died 2 hours before he was found,that was a very bad way to die laying there alone with just your thoughts and fear and pain i only pray that he wasnt awake but i know his god was there with him but it was so very hard for me to hear that and i still think about that every time i am on a interstate or i see a bike
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Friday 01 January
By Hey You
Sorry, but I've read much more touching things than this....in fact this read more like it was a fictional work than it was coming from his heart.
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Friday 01 January
By John F. C. Taylor
I didn't dare read this letter. I feel really bad about my first wife. Amazing that even today there are times when I see or hear something that reminds me of Jo. Especially when the radio plays You're Still The One by Orleans.
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