The Gender Paradox In India
Barbara Gordon: The Envy That Took Me By Surprise
Is this really you, Hugh Hefner's twin girlfriends? Read on for the guy vs. girl advice.
Wiseass Cary McNeal takes on this question, and honestly, I don't blame him for not answering it too seriously. Amid the jokes about grandpa (check), CPR (check), Viagra (check) and "Matlock" (check), Cary assures this 18-year-old that sure, you can be with a 64-year-old or a guy of any age. However, he expresses serious doubts about whether or not it will work as a romance, and so do I. Yes, of course, you are an adult, and you can be with any other human being you wish, provided he wants to be with you. However, your submitting this question tells me two things: A) You think what you're doing is weird on at least some level, and B) you don't have enough life experience to answer the question for yourself yet.
Not having enough life experience isn't inherently a problem. You're 18, you still have a lot of self-discovery to do -- friends will come and go, so will jobs. You'll date great men and jerky ones, you'll sometimes feel like the coolest person on Earth and other times, the lamest. It's not entirely unlikely that if you get involved with someone in a more settled phase of life that instead of making discoveries for yourself, you may just let this older guy help make you comfortable. That would be a shame.
On top of that, let's talk about the logistics. My father, who is my only real connection to men around that age, is extremely interesting, smart and awesome -- back off, ladies, he's married to my mom -- and he spends his time beekeeping and tinkering around with cars. I respect him infinitely. But we have few day-to-day activities in common. What on Earth do you and this 64-year-old talk about? What do you do together? Are you truly physically attracted to him? Do you connect emotionally?
Since I brought up the f-word, let's continue. When I've seen friends of mine develop crushes on men much older than them, it's often happened when they've felt vulnerable or overwhelmed with life around them, and just wanted someone to take care of them. Women in bad relationships, women who just moved out of their parents' house, women newly single -- I've seen them all crave the stability of an older man.
I would encourage you to do a deep-down gut check. Ask yourself why you are thinking about this relationship and what you're getting out of it. Any man you choose to be in a relationship with should be a boyfriend, not a "loneliness stopper," "proof that I'm a grownup now," "attention giver" or "father figure." You're dating the man, and not what he represents in your head.
Now, after saying all that, when I discussed this with my fellow 30-something girlfriends, a large number of them confessed to fantasizing about a torrid affair with an older man. So if you're having a quick and juicy fling with this guy and not trying to build a relationship, get in there!
Have any of you ever had successful relationships with older men? Do you think Cary and I gave good advice? Let us know in the comments!
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Monday 21 December
By Julie
Love with someone older than you by 12 to 15 years is all a matter of chemistry, common goals, and communication. The sick Lolita finding daddy is not an issue at all. Love at any age, with year driven big or small differences, needs to be about mutual respect, mutual acceptance and yes, craving each other's body fluids. These and common goal setting makes permanence.
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Tuesday 22 December
By borodinrodin
I like that French formula to determine appropriate range: divide the man's age by two and add seven. Man 60 = woman 37, Man 40 woman 27 Either way it works (woman 40 man 27) if both individuals are emotionally mature and self aware. This 60 - 18 y/o would make me wary.
Age is just a chronological number, but then there's those intangible things, biophysiological, spiritual and emotional, wouldn't want a psychologically scarred person just to take advantage of - that's not right. But too many these days do not seem to have a problelm with it. SO whatever works between emotionally mature adults - go for it.
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Tuesday 29 December
By MICHELE
AND, AH, HOW OLD ARE YOU ?
Tuesday 22 December
By Roy
Age difference is disgusting to girls because girls are stupid and only view relationships in terms dictated by society. If society told girls that having sex with giraffes was okay, they would be dumb enough to start believing it.
If a guy can have sex with a fat chick or a fugly chick, then surely a woman can have sex with an older man. Age is never the issue. It's more about whether or not the guy is attractive, do the 2 people get along and how influential are the c o c k blockers in the girl's life. If she has a lot of short fat bitter girl friends, they will most likely nix the idea of their friend seeing an older man because they don't see themselves in a relationship like that. On the other hand, if the man is dominant enough, it won't matter what the friends say as long as the girl is attracted enough to the guy.
The age issue is really about what OTHER people will think of a relationship, not what the actual people involved in the relationship will think. This is why girls care about this question, not guys. Girls care about what other think of them because they have such low self-esteem. Whereas, a guy just thinks in terms of whether the girl is hot enough to date. This is why older guys can end up in relationships with really young girls, but usually younger guys won't get into relationships with older women because older women are just usually disgusting to look at naked. And if a guy can't get hard, he's not going to chase after some old bag.
If a young guy does end up "dating" an older hag, it's usually just a sexual thing for him. As guys, we all know that older women are more desperate and easier to get into bed. It takes much less effort and there's much less hassle involved relationshipwise. It's much easier to keep sexual because older women don't get as clingy as younger women.
The other reason would be that the guy has really low self esteem and thinks he can't get a woman his age, so he settles for an older woman. But all things being equal, the guy will always pick the younger woman over the older woman, and the younger woman will always pick the older man over the younger man. Sure there are exceptions to the rule. But those are exceptions, not the rule.
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Wednesday 23 December
By Linny
Hell, I'm 66 and dated a fellow 83. Even so, we had nothing in common. He and I had such different youths. For God's sake, he wore a zoot suit! I wore a mini skirt.! It just didn't work on so many other levels too.
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Friday 25 December
By margaret
I just married a man who is 30 years older than me and yes, shocker he is two years older than my dad. But I agree with Sam's post, I've had life experiences and have dated men my age, younger than me and just a few years older. I am in my late 20's now and thought a lot about entering into a union with a man of his age, but you know what it just works. We have so much to talk about, we enjoy the same things, and his wisdom and life experiences add a richness to this experience that no 20 or 30 something man could bring. We are expecting a child and excited about creating a special life together. Bottom line, each situation is different and don't judge or say, "I would never do that!" Because you never know until you are in the same situation!!
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Saturday 26 December
By Kwiky
Roy, I stopped reading your essay by the end of the first sentence. Must you really start off by using false insults? I'll just assume you're one of the old men who just got dumped by an 18 year old.
Most women don't even like randomly seeing naked pictures of men our own age, so why would we want to see a naked man 60,70 years older than we are?!?
Omg. I dooo!!
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Sunday 27 December
By Ginger
Julie - I enjoyed reading your mature, intelligent comments. I am a 68 year old woman who is extremely attracted to a man perhaps as young as 28 (although I had hoped he was 40). I am slim, still into active sports, and to me age has no number. In fact, I didn't realize that those over 60 or 65 were old until I read that in articles in the newspaper. Since I'm not looking for marriage, if a man, regardless of age, was interesting, intelligent, educated, and if we both had a chemical attraction to one another, pursued me, you bet I would give it everything I had to leave him with good memories in the future. As for sex -- the hunger is very much still there. Comments from any of you younger men?
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Sunday 27 December
By sheila
My husband and I are seven years apart. True, that is not a huge age difference, although, in perspective, when I was 14years old, he was 21. What makes this marriage work, I think, is because we were in the same place in our lives when we met. I wanted stability in a relationship, and so did he. I was tired of wasting time with people who were not on the same page in life as I was, as was he- we both wanted children and we both had similar ideas about raising children and family and what we wanted out of life. Other than that, we are complete opposites in many other areas, which makes for interesting conversation and out life is never boring. Would this relationship have worked if he were 20 or 30 years older than I? Guess I'll never know as I dont plan on remarrying anytime soon, although I have always liked Clint Eastwood.....
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Monday 28 December
By Gee
I dated someone seven years older than I am and it was great! I learned a lot from this individual. You learn more about life and you learn how to better carry yourself when it comes to being more mature in certain situations. Unfortunately that's the down side to dating someone whose your age if you happen to be 21-25. Too many are immature for their age and are not very ready for life yet. If someone makes fun of someone else because that person just happens to be older, than younger person is really acting immature (not attractive). Remember, someday you'll be that age (if you're lucky to live that long). We have two choices in life; die young or grow old. Which do you prefer? Peace.
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Monday 28 December
By Gee
I dated someone seven years older than I am and it was great! I learned a lot from this individual. You learn more about life and you learn how to better carry yourself when it comes to being more mature in certain situations. Unfortunately that's the down side to dating someone whose your age if you happen to be 21-25. Too many are immature for their age and are not very ready for life yet. If someone makes fun of someone else because that person just happens to be older, than younger person is really acting immature (not attractive). Remember, someday you'll be that age (if you're lucky to live that long). We have two choices in life; die young or grow old. Which do you prefer? Peace.
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Monday 28 December
By Gee
I dated someone seven years older than I am and it was great! I learned a lot from this individual. You learn more about life and you learn how to better carry yourself when it comes to being more mature in certain situations. Unfortunately that's the down side to dating someone whose your age if you happen to be 21-25. Too many are immature for their age and are not very ready for life yet. If someone makes fun of someone else because that person just happens to be older, than that younger person is really acting immature (not attractive). Remember, someday you'll be that age (if you're lucky to live that long). We have two choices in life; die young or grow old. Which do you prefer? Peace.
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Tuesday 29 December
By HR4657
I'M 63 AND HAVE SEX REGULARLY WITH A LOVELY 26 YEAR OLD WHO SAYS MEN HER AGE DONT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING!!
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Tuesday 29 December
By Marisa
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! You are going to be his nurse before you know it- older men have myriads of health problems and the sex is going to be horrible- find a hot young guy and enjoy your life with someone your own age- have kids- have fun. I know, I married a man 20 years older than me and the bliss wore off almost immediately- he treats me like a teenager and is a big jerk- I REGRET EVER HAVING MET HIM- AND HE"S FAMOUS- who cares????????? Get me outta here!!!!!
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Tuesday 29 December
By Ernest Detrick
WAY TO GO DUDE!!!!!!!!! AN 18 YEAR OLD GIRL MY HERO
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