Another week, and it's another edition of GuySpeak/GirlSpeak, where we take our own crack at the advice given to girls by guys over at GuySpeak
, and then hear what you have to say. Today's topic is short but sweet: Should Mays date Decembers?
Is this really you, Hugh Hefner's twin girlfriends? Read on for the guy vs. girl advice.
Wiseass Cary McNeal takes on this question
, and honestly, I don't blame him for not answering it too seriously. Amid the jokes about grandpa (check), CPR (check), Viagra (check) and "Matlock" (check), Cary assures this 18-year-old that sure, you can
be with a 64-year-old or a guy of any age. However, he expresses serious doubts about whether or not it will work as a romance, and so do I.
Yes, of course, you are an adult, and you can be with any other human being you wish, provided he wants to be with you. However, your submitting this question tells me two things: A) You think what you're doing is weird on at least some level, and B) you don't have enough life experience to answer the question for yourself yet.
Not having enough life experience isn't inherently a problem. You're 18, you still have a lot of self-discovery to do -- friends will come and go, so will jobs. You'll date great men and jerky ones, you'll sometimes feel like the coolest person on Earth and other times, the lamest. It's not entirely unlikely that if you get involved with someone in a more settled phase of life that instead of making discoveries for yourself, you may just let this older guy help make you comfortable. That would be a shame.
On top of that, let's talk about the logistics. My father, who is my only real connection to men around that age, is extremely interesting, smart and awesome -- back off, ladies, he's married to my mom -- and he spends his time beekeeping and tinkering around with cars. I respect him infinitely. But we have few day-to-day activities in common. What on Earth do you and this 64-year-old talk about? What do you do together? Are you truly physically attracted to him? Do you connect emotionally?
Since I brought up the f-word, let's continue. When I've seen friends of mine develop crushes on men much older than them, it's often happened when they've felt vulnerable or overwhelmed with life around them, and just wanted someone to take care of them
. Women in bad relationships, women who just moved out of their parents' house, women newly single -- I've seen them all crave the stability of an older man.
I would encourage you to do a deep-down gut check. Ask yourself why you are thinking about this relationship and what you're getting out of it. Any man you choose to be in a relationship with should be a boyfriend, not a "loneliness stopper," "proof that I'm a grownup now," "attention giver" or "father figure." You're dating the man, and not what he represents in your head.
Now, after saying all that, when I discussed this with my fellow 30-something girlfriends, a large number of them confessed to fantasizing about a torrid affair with an older man. So if you're having a quick and juicy fling with this guy and not trying to build a relationship, get in there!
Have any of you ever had successful relationships with older men?
Do you think Cary and I gave good advice? Let us know in the comments!
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