36 Comments   
CJ Arabia Ever think about doing the Master Cleanse, just out of curiosity?

Well, I did, so you don't have to.

For the uninitiated, the Master Cleanse is a 10-day (more or less) fast that's been around since 1941; some guy named Burroughs came up with the whole idea. You basically consume nothing (meaning you fast) but this lemon juice / maple syrup / cayenne pepper / tea thing (it's actually a pain in the ass to make) in an effort to cleanse your system of toxins and/or lose weight.

The cleanse also claims to cure disease and fix all sorts of ailments. The cleanse got a lot of buzz when Beyoncé used it to slim down for the movie "Dreamgirls," so I assure you it's very chic.

So here's how it went.


I decided that the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas would be the perfect time to do the cleanse since it would keep me from bulking up on holiday treats.

When you're on the Master Cleanse everyone who has ever been on the Master Cleanse gets excited.

"What day are you on?"
"Do you feel clear? I felt so clear."
"My sense of smell was so intense when I did the cleanse."
"It got rid of the pain in my back."
"Are you doing the salt flush?"
"I wasn't hungry at all."
"How much weight did you lose?"

Well, I did all 10 days so I thought I'd give you my take on the Master Cleanse. It's actually the morning of the 11th day as I write this so I get to have some orange juice today and soup tomorrow. (That's how you are supposed to ease back into eating when you are done with the cleanse. )

I didn't feel clear; I just felt kind of dull. I was tired most of the time and a little bit cold. I just wanted to lay on the sofa under a big blanket for 10 days.

My sense of smell is intense, but that just means that I smell food. When you're not eating, you smell all the food in a 2-mile radius. You smell bread baking, peanuts roasting and coffee brewing. I smell everything my neighbors are cooking. I smell food when there's no food around. I smell the ghost of food.

I haven't noticed any major changes in my body or less pain or anything, and I do have a few pains. They are happily still here for me to complain to my boyfriend about.

And I also did the salt flush. This is something nobody tells you about but every morning you drink a couple glasses of salt water and then take a laxative tea and wait ... Until about 30 minutes later, when the salt water and the tea come shooting out of you, flushing your colon clean. This part of the cleanse TOTALLY SUCKS. The salt water makes you want to puke and you have to be near a toilet for about two hours, which means you have to get up really early for this part.

Most of all: YES, I WAS HUNGRY. I thought about food nonstop for 10 days ... but I didn't eat it. I can't believe I went 10 days without eating. What the Master Cleanse does give you is a massive sense of accomplishment. Though I'm glad I did it, I don't think I'll ever do it again. But it was interesting to try once.

My pooper feels super-clean. There's nothing left in me at this point.

I lost 10 lbs.

So there you have it. I try it so you don't have to. I'd love to hear about your experience with the Master Cleanse -- so leave a comment below and tell me!

More Good Stuff on the Web:
Gift giving disasters -- Don't make the same mistakes these boyfriends did (Lemondrop)
22 awesomely terrible Christmas Sweaters (Maxim)
Crazy and unbelevable manicures from The Tokyo Nail Expo (The Frisky)
The secret to never being jealous in relationships (AskMen)

Inner monologue of a Twilight fan (HolyTaco) (site NSFW)

Awkward Holiday Dinners -- how to cope (Lemondrop)

What are the long-term effects of casual sex? (Lemondrop)