Injuries sustained during sex can be both embarrassing and funny, as Kevin Smith captured in one of Chasing Amy
's most memorable scenes. But it's a real problem, at least according to the Daily Star, which reports that around 23 million Britons have injured themselves while caught up in the act of passion
So, if half of the adult population of Britain has experienced calamity-ridden sex, it stands to reason that we know a few people
with tales of their own. Thus, we asked around and drew together a few stories of how the act of love can go horribly wrong.
(Since hurting yourself while doing the nasty is not something most folks want to own up to, we're sticking to initials.)
"When I was in college, my college boyfriend and I were looking for a place to have sex. We'd already gotten caught having sex in the showers, and the janitor's closet was right across the hall from my room. We snuck in there, but he was about 6'3" so we couldn't do it standing, so I sort of sat in the sink. We had sex and it was awesome, but then the next day I had a bruise the size of a softball on my back from the faucet." -- AJ, 28The long way down
"I once did a backward roll off the bottom of the bed and fell onto a plastic box of books and bruised my coccyx shortly before going down on my girlfriend. This was in 2003, and she STILL reminds me of it to this day. I was so embarrassed, I just pretended it didn't happen. But apparently I got points for persistence." --KW, 26
No gauze bandage needed
"I have a friend who had so much hard awesome sex that her boyfriend sprained his penis. He had to refrain from sexual activity for a month or two." --AT, 28
"When I was a teenager, I worked as a lifeguard, so I spent most of my summers running around in a bathing suit. One night, I got off work and went to my girlfriend's house. We started making out and she reached into my shorts. I was about to get my first handjob! She started vigorously rubbing me and I was enjoying it, but something felt off. After the act was completed, I was in immense pain.
"Now ladies may not realize this, but men's bathing suits have a liner inside, made of some kind of webbing material. It's a little rough. While my girlfriend was jacking me off, my penis was rubbing hard against the lining and I was left with a largish bleeding friction burn on the head of my penis. I have a nifty scar and now I cut the lining out of all my bathing suits. If there was a political movement to remove all liners from bathing suits, I'd sign the petition, hand out leaflets, testify before Congress, whatever it took." -- AR, 29
"Having facial piercings makes even making out reallllly delicate, especially when they are new/first healing. There's just a lot of ooooh ohhh yes WAIT WAIT hold on my nose piercing just popped out. I literally have no idea how people with multiple piercings do it." --SK, 32
Future Olympic gymnast?
"I was in college and seriously dating a guy named Adam. I was his first and I was more than happy to help him explore the wonderful world of sex. My dorm room had bunkbeds and the bunks had a bar that ran across the middle. No one was ever really sure what the bar was for but we guessed it was extra frame support. However, the most popular theory was that it was to prevent the person in the top bunk from falling on you and killing you if the sex got too ruckus and the bed broke, hence, it got nicknamed "the f--k bar".
"Adam and I were trying reverse cowgirl in the bottom bunk and at one point he tried to sit up quickly for some reason and clocked himself on the f--k bar. He knocked himself out and cut his scalp which bled everywhere. I ended up having to take him to the ER for an X-ray, CT, and stitches." --SN, 31
Falling in love (is hard on the knees)
"Sometimes I fall in love during sex, and falling hurts. Does that count?" -- CG, 28
Yes, CG, it definitely does.
Do you have your own embarrassing stories toshare, emotionally or physically? Let us know in the comments!