Lets get ready to rumble! Here comes this week's GuySpeak/GirlSpeak, where we listen carefully to the advice given by the guys over at GuySpeak
to women in distress, and then we jump in and agree, disagree, or make fun of them -- sometimes all three!
Today's question is about how to handle a boyfriend who keeps trying to have anal sex and gets pouty when it doesn't happen.
Read on for our guy vs. girl advice.
Tricia89 wants to know if this situation
is weird, and Cary McNeal (hilarious that he's known as the "Wise-Ass" on GuySpeak) is on deck to let her know that no, it's not weird for her not
to want to have anal sex, and no, it's not weird that her boyfriend gets angry when she refuses.
It's selfish, he is quick to point out, but not weird. Most of us can't imagine a world where anyone would be OK with something going up the down escalator. Both Cary and I are sympathetic to your feelings.
Guy/girl couples around the globe have all experienced the wordless struggle
known as "the dolphin", where a guy, accidentally or intentionally, aims for the wrong hole and the girl makes the dolphin-like noise of negation. This is a very sensitive area.
Cary thinks that you should discuss this matter outside of the bedroom, and I think that's a fantastic idea. He suggests letting him know how you feel about anal sex, apologizing for your stance, and telling him sweetly but firmly to stop pressuring you to have it while you're mid-romp. If your boyfriend doesn't comply with your wishes, Cary advises to stop sleeping with him until he shapes up, which I love because it is the go-to punishment that all guys recommend for their platonic girl buddies having relationship troubles.
I must say that I am of two minds about your situation, Tricia89. Let me show you:
The knee-jerk feminist side of me is rather alarmed that this man repeatedly attempts to do something to you sexually that he knows you don't like, and then has the gall to be angry when you refuse. The sex life you build with your boyfriend should be vulnerable, hot, safe, and fun, and it should belong to both
Constantly wondering if he's going to breach security flies in the face of everything that intimacy should be. Being in a relationship where this is a normal behavior may not be healthy for you.
However, the seasoned, grown-up me has a few questions, though. Why is it that you're so against anal? Please do not misunderstand: If you have tried it and truly hate it, I am not suggesting that you just give in. But I am suggesting you explore all your options. Is it the physical discomfort? The sheer idea of it?
Is this about anal sex, or about just trying something new and freaky in the bedroom? Talk to your boyfriend and let him know that you're more than willing to work with him to spice up your sex life, but that you want it to be a joint effort and not just something he wants that you don't.
Do some research on anal and any other fun sexual adventures you can think of, maybe at a porn store together, and make this situation something that's fun for both of you, rather than a weird battle line that's drawn on your ass.
OK, now it's your turn to sound off on the guy advice and the girl advice. Have you ever had a man try to attempt a sex act you hated? Have you had any anal escapades? What would you do in this situation?
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