Dating expert Amy SpencerAmy Spencer is a dating expert and the author of "Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match" (out in February 2010, Running Press). We asked her the dating questions that continue to baffle us.

We asked: How do you flirt with a guy and get him to ask you out?

Amy answered: My first answer is that you should be utterly, totally and completely yourself. If he likes what he sees, he'll ask you out. If he doesn't, he won't and thank goodness, because who wants to go out with a guy who doesn't see how damn awesome you are?!

That said, there are three things you can do: Show off your great life, provide a little mystery and throw in some old-fashioned eye contact. Instead of being forward with flirtation techniques like batting your eyelashes and touching him, these three things will let you be yourself and make him come to you.



Show off your great life

If you're positive and relaxed around him and seem to have some great things going on, he'll want to know more -- and will need to ask you out to get it. So here's what you do: Every time you see him, think about something positive -- your great legs, your cool job, your awesome apartment -- and smile about it. Then, when he asks how you are, don't just say you're good or fine, say, "I'm great." When he asks why, that's where the mystery comes in.

Provide a little mystery

Early in a flirt, give as few details as possible. Say, "I just had a great night last night" or "I have some really fun plans this weekend." I know this is hard -- we girls loooove to give details. But if you can keep the phone call you just made to the cable company to yourself, he'll be so intrigued and feel he has to find out more about you. This isn't about pretending to be someone else, it's more like presenting great curb appeal so he'll be curious to see what the rest of the house looks like.

Old-fashioned eye contact

While you're doing all of the above? Make direct and extended eye contact with him. Most of us tend to look in someone's eyes for about one or two seconds before it gets uncomfortable. If you can hold it for four or five, it becomes like a missile lock. It sends a message of confidence and sexiness and opens a window that makes him want to know more. You do all this, and you'll have him thinking, "What is it about this woman?" and, "How do I get some of what she has?"

Amy Spencer has written for Glamour, New York, Harper's Bazaar, Page Six Magazine and Match.com. She is the former host of the relationship call-in radio show "Sex Files" on Sirius satellite radio's Maxim channel and also created and writes for
The Dating Optimist.