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Amy Spencer is a dating expert and the author of "Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match" (out in February 2010, Running Press). We asked her the dating questions that continue to baffle us.
We asked: How do you flirt with a guy and get him to ask you out?
Amy answered: My first answer is that you should be utterly, totally and completely yourself. If he likes what he sees, he'll ask you out. If he doesn't, he won't and thank goodness, because who wants to go out with a guy who doesn't see how damn awesome you are?!
That said, there are three things you can do: Show off your great life, provide a little mystery and throw in some old-fashioned eye contact. Instead of being forward with flirtation techniques like batting your eyelashes and touching him, these three things will let you be yourself and make him come to you.
Show off your great life
If you're positive and relaxed around him and seem to have some great things going on, he'll want to know more -- and will need to ask you out to get it. So here's what you do: Every time you see him, think about something positive -- your great legs, your cool job, your awesome apartment -- and smile about it. Then, when he asks how you are, don't just say you're good or fine, say, "I'm great." When he asks why, that's where the mystery comes in.
Provide a little mystery
Early in a flirt, give as few details as possible. Say, "I just had a great night last night" or "I have some really fun plans this weekend." I know this is hard -- we girls loooove to give details. But if you can keep the phone call you just made to the cable company to yourself, he'll be so intrigued and feel he has to find out more about you. This isn't about pretending to be someone else, it's more like presenting great curb appeal so he'll be curious to see what the rest of the house looks like.
Old-fashioned eye contact
While you're doing all of the above? Make direct and extended eye contact with him. Most of us tend to look in someone's eyes for about one or two seconds before it gets uncomfortable. If you can hold it for four or five, it becomes like a missile lock. It sends a message of confidence and sexiness and opens a window that makes him want to know more. You do all this, and you'll have him thinking, "What is it about this woman?" and, "How do I get some of what she has?"
Amy Spencer has written for Glamour, New York, Harper's Bazaar, Page Six Magazine and Match.com. She is the former host of the relationship call-in radio show "Sex Files" on Sirius satellite radio's Maxim channel and also created and writes for The Dating Optimist.
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Wednesday 16 December
By Chuck
How is it possible to tell if someone is interested in you or just being friendly? These tips are great if you know you will see the person again, but what if this is your first time meeting?
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Tuesday 22 December
By Aden Ford
I recently wrote about how to make yourself more attractive to women, here is an excerpt from my blog at http://www.askaden.com/2009/12/how-can-i-make-myself-more-attractive.html
Show you are a good provider. Women want a man that can meet their needs. If you are a good provider, you are naturally more attractive to women. But when it comes to dating, I am not asking you to be a push over or a sugar daddy. The first step to being a good provider in the context of dating is to take care and provide for yourself. If you can’t provide for yourself, how are you going to provide for her as the relationship develops? Provide for yourself physically, get fit, stay fit and show her that you care about your health not just from a vanity perspective but from a longevity perspective as well. Get to the gym, if you smoke – quit, make the steps necessary to get healthy now and long term. A healthy man is going to be able to provide for his woman long term and that gets her mating bells ringing. Don’t brag about your workouts either, in the words of Nike “Just Do It.” Bragging defeats the purpose; you need to show her that you are providing for yourself for you, not to impress anyone else. That way when she visualizes you providing for her, it won’t be under the notion that you are doing it for ulterior motives.
Be generous to yourself. In order to be more attractive to women Many guys will go out and spend every cent on the girl they are dating while at the same time being stingy when it comes to themselves. This doesn’t show women you are a good provider, it shows them you want to get laid. Consistently be good to yourself, if you go shopping buy yourself a new outfit, have her help you pick it out and don’t flinch just treat yourself because you deserve it! I don’t mean to cut her out of the picture completely, but when it comes to treating her save your ammo be thoughtful and think trough the gifts you give so that they are from the heart and not a bargaining chip for sex. You want to show her that if she makes it in to your inner-circle you will then give her the #1 spot you currently hold for yourself, but she MUST earn that title. Making women work for it naturally makes you more attractive to women.
Be available when the time comes. What I mean here is don’t settle. I certainly don’t mean don’t date anyone you don’t see yourself marring. What I mean is categorize women. It sounds cold but women and sex are a drug and you need to be careful. When you first meet a woman you need to decide, is this a girl I want to go to dinner with, is this a party friend, is this a short term relationship or could she be the one. You have to set a plan, and for the most part hold to it. More people end up with bad relationships because they had nothing to do on a Friday night in 1998 and just kept seeing the person because it was easy. Don’t be that guy! Always be ready and uncommitted until a worthwhile woman EARNS your commitment. Nothing makes you less attractive to women than a guy in a relationship with a low grade girl.
Have your resume ready. In order to be more attractive to women you need to always be ready. when you do meet that worthwhile woman, have your game face ready and your story straight. You need to be confident, clear, thoughtful and most importantly you need to show her that you deserve her and maybe a little bit better than her. If you independently surveyed the best couples you find a common thread, each person feels they are getting the better deal. If you are with the right woman, you brain and ego will scream “WOW DON’T BLOW IT! She is the one, you don’t deserve such an amazing woman” the key is to keep your cool, don’t drool and make sure her inner voice says the same thing.
Hope that helps,
www.askaden.com
www.heatherobsessed.com
-A.
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