We guess they'll let anybody write advice columns these days. Take, for instance, Amy Dickinson, who recently chastised a rape victim in her syndicated Tribune Media column "Ask Amy," calling the young woman a "victim of her own judgment."The letter writer, signed "Victim? in Virginia," acknowledged that she'd been drunk at a frat party, but that even after she'd repeatedly told one of the brothers "no," he forced her to have sex with him. She wondered if this still constituted rape.
Dear "Virginia," According to the law and common sense and every reasonable person on the face of planet Earth, YES, you were raped. What happened was illegal, contemptible and completely wrong.
But Dickinson -- whose advice appears in publications from the Chicago Tribune to NPR -- responded, "Were you a victim? Yes. First, you were a victim of your own awful judgment. Getting drunk at a frat house is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the risk (some might say a likelihood) that you will engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact."
"A victim of your own judgment"? Amy, you're a victim of being stupider than a cross-eyed water snake.
While Dickinson goes on to admit that a crime was committed, her first impulse is to blame the victim. Which we find, frankly, despicable.
Also reprehensible? Characterizing all frat guys as potential rapists. Fraternities are social organizations with group housing, and their members are just as morally diverse as any pool of human beings. (We acknowledge the high incidence of date rape on college campuses, but the worst thing most frat guys will ever do is make you listen to them play "Burn One Down" on acoustic guitar.) And look, even if all frat houses were filled to the rafters with rapists, it is never your fault if you're raped. EVER. Period. Suggesting otherwise is disgusting and irresponsible.
As if that weren't bad enough, Dickinson goes on to say, "You don't say whether the guy was also drunk. If so, his judgment was also impaired."
Hey, guess what? It doesn't matter! IT'S STILL A CRIME. That's why the last time you got so hopped up on PCP that you knocked over a convenience store, the police didn't care that it was "just the angel dust robbing." It's nice that they let you keep your newspaper column, though!
And "Virginia"? From the rest of the civilized world, here's some real advice: It's not your fault, sweetheart. You aren't alone. Tell the cops, get tested, and get counseling.
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Comments:
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Wednesday 02 December
By 2009 human being
Dear Amy:
Turn in your word processor -- you are a disgrace to the press and to the species. What you should have said to poor Virginia is, "Yes, you were raped. Go to the cops, go to your doctor, get tested, and call your local rape crisis center for support and counseling. And no, baby, it's not your fault."
How about a retraction and an apology to Virginia and your readers?
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Thursday 03 December
By xiammilkx
This is disgusting. I drank three nights a week - often times to the point of being severely intoxicated - at a frat house throughout my college career. I was never once raped, sexually assaulted or otherwise harmed (beyond the occasional brutal headache the next morning!), because the men at that particular frat house WEREN'T rapists. They DID walk my drunk self home at three in the morning or let me sleep it off in their beds if necessary. I hope Amy gets fired. This "advice" is bull.
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Thursday 03 December
By Neil Family
eh.. she's not wrong. the chick is a victim of her own judgement. Come on, its 2009.. how many stories have we heard about girls getting raped at parties? We should know better not to get drunk and leave ourselves in vulnerable decisions.
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Thursday 03 December
By my thoughts ....
are you being serious????? you said it is her fault????? being RAPED is, in your eyes, the fault of the victim??? the one being raped??? and you really think that because she chose to get drunk at a parrty it was her fault???? come on now... rape is NEVER EVER that fault of the one being raped.... yes indeed i said NEVER EVER .... it is a (violent) crime any way you cut it.... ANY WAY YOU CUT IT!!!!!!
Thursday 03 December
By NO MORE BOSS!!!!
HEY HEY HEY....lets not hate on snakes.....i have one and they are FAR more intelligent than this ghastly sack of human waste. IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT!!!! EVER. This woman needs to be fired and has no business condemning peoples Judgments seeing as she clearly has non of her own!!!
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Thursday 03 December
By Kelly
I am totally enraged that any woman, regardless if she were drunk, fraternizing with drunk males, etc. etc. should EVER be allowed to think, or be told, that she is a victim of her own poor judgment. No woman should EVER be forced to have sex with ANYone, regardless the circumstance. No woman should ever have to check HER behavior for fear that anyone else cannot check his. This way of thinking is archaic at best, misogynistic at worst.
People who hold this 'belief' should be re-educated... preferably by working at a rape crisis center.
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Thursday 03 December
By Julie
I think the best re-education would be for them to actually get raped. Then we can explain to them how it's actually THEIR fault.
Friday 11 December
By willysedan
I agree, it wasn't her bad judgement.......to a point. That'd be like sitting down with lions, only to be bit. She should have known better. Or let's word it so most of you "bolts" will understand - you're minding your own business, puffing a joint at the local cop shop, when you get busted. Damn, go figure??Most of the frat houses I've seen (& been a part of), were total party houses with notches on the bed post.
Thursday 03 December
By bethany
i agree so much!
while the young girl could have made better decisions than getting drunk, she clearly stated she told him no several times and he kept pushing THEREFORE making it rape!
she is published in my local paper and i cannot stand it! i miss dear Abby =[
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Thursday 03 December
By lisa
yes, this was rape...BUT isn't it better to make sure you're not in this position to begin with? Stop thinking you're untouchable! Think of you're safety first...when you drink too much you're leaving yourself open to all kinds of misery....would you rather be in the right as the victim or never having to deal with a possible rape to begin with? I do realize this advise doesn't always apply... but don't put your head in the sand!
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Friday 04 December
By Dolly Mix
Hi, I'm a psychologist. My research area is resilience, rape and suicide. Rape is never the victim's fault. Actually, there isn't a type iof state, or person who is more likely to be raped, including drunk people, the only demographic is that it happens to women more often. You can't predict rape from the victim, only the rapist. I assure you that it is not irresponsible to get drunk, in terms of rape.
If you think that it's stupid to get drunk at a party, for risk of rape reasons, then I advise that logically, you avoid all of your relatives and friends, forever as you're statistically far, far more likely to simply get raped at home, or with them.
Sunday 06 December
By Allie
I agree
Friday 04 December
By Sarah
While I find her comment despicable, I also believe that if both parties were impaired, then both are in the wrong. Both share responsibility in that matter. I understand it is a grey area, but the guy should not be the only one blamed if both their judgements were impaired.
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Friday 04 December
By no means no
When you see women in burqas, do you understand why their societies mandate them to cover themselves? Because if we show a leg, an arm or a pretty smile, men are permitted not to restrain themselves? Not to treat us with dignity and respect, whatever the circumstances?
Both Virginia and her rapist are to blame? Um, did you miss the part where Virginia said no? Have you ever been so inebriated that you didn't understand a two-letter word?
Friday 04 December
By Elle
Neil Family,
I hope your family doesn't consist of any females that might ever make it to college, or leaving home for that matter. For all you know she went to this party and the guy who took advantage was a 'friend'. Its frightening to me that you might be teaching a little girl that if she isnt constantly watching herself she may become a victim of something horrible, and it will be her fault because she wasn't keeping aware of her own circumstance. This girl is so young, and now she's probably scared out of her damn mind. She's had her basic human rights compromised and you're response is "ehhhh its that chick's own fault"?? You are a threat to women everywhere if you seriously believe that.
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Sunday 13 December
By shannon
Elle, I hope YOUR family doesn't consist of any females that might make it to college...or anywhere. Because if you're NOT teaching them to be constantly watching themselves, you're teaching them to be constantly at risk. You might live in Mayberry, but the real world is too dangerous a place to not be aware of yourself and your surroundings at all times. If partying and getting impaired in a houseful of strangers is worth the risk of getting raped or drugged to you, knock yourself out, but I hope you're not passing that message on to any younger women. You'd probably tell them to go walking through a sketchy part of town alone at night and hand out their social security number to strangers or something. Just because the jerk who takes advantage of you may be a criminal, doesn't mean you won't suffer when it happens, which is why young women--and everyone--should LEARN HOW TO KEEP THEMSELVES SAFE. Virginia definitely didn't deserve to be raped just because of her poor judgment, but that didn't keep it from happening, whereas being clear headed and sober might have.
Sunday 06 December
By Bird
I am truly saddened that Amy chose to blame Virginia throughout the entire letter, even going so far as to say the boy could have been inebriated, too.
So few women choose to report rape anyway, and Amy has given them one more excuse.
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Monday 07 December
By bonnie
So if I was walking down a dark alley late at night in a bad part of town and was raped? What would you say to me then? Poor judgement? Thought so, case in point made. hmmm think people. First of all, only two people were there, what is his story? Trust me, I went to those parties at that age, but I would have taken partial responsibility for poor judgement. Better to be safe than sorry, yet you only live life once.. so what's it going to be? Take the risk?
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Monday 14 December
By Clemdane
If you come to New York City and get mugged it will be your fault. If you have to walk through a bad neighborhood and there's a shooting and a stray bullet hits you and paralyzes you it was your fault for walking (or living) in that neighbhorhood. If you are stabbed it was your fault for not wearing protective armor all over your body, etc. etc.
Tuesday 08 December
By Penguino
Thanks for writinng this article! This lady has gotten on my nerves lately! She told the guy no, and no means no. So what, she was drunk we all do. But most guys have the reverence not to rape people when their drunk. On another note this columnist is extremely rude and sarcastic, not just in this article. Shouldn't the paper skim through to make sure there is nothing that would offend anybody.
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