It's time for another edition of GuySpeak/GirlSpeak, where we let the fellas over at GuySpeak
advise our fellow females, and then we jump in and agree, disagree or make fun of them -- sometimes all three!
Today's question is about talking dirty in bed and how to reciprocate it when you've never done it before.
Read on for our guy vs. girl advice.
Nick Nadel is on the case for this question
, and he's intrigued by the fact that the bedroom talk in this relationship isn't all dirty. He wants to know what your fiance is saying if it's not porn-worthy, and I'm curious too, though I can relate.
My husband, who is a comedian, will sometimes crack jokes mid-coitus, and it's my assertion that women need a consistent
fairy tale in order to really get the most bang for their buck, so to speak. So I can empathize with Silent but Sexy saying that she is too busy concentrating on pleasing both him and herself to chat about other things.
See, whereas men only need certain key pieces to be present to enjoy themselves sexually, like genitalia, sexy sounds, and friction, women need the context. The genitalia have to be right, the sounds have to be good, his shoes better not be lame, the interactions leading up to the sex have to be appropriately full of heat, the underthings better be lovely on both sides, the smells better be musky, and all of these things must mesh in one hot, sexy pot.
Sometimes that is a recipe for fun, giggly sex, sometimes it's frantic sex, sometimes it's romantic sex -- it just better be piping hot. Men think it's hard for women to climax, but that's not true. We're just waiting for all the ingredients to coalesce into one delicious dish that is greater than the sum of its parts.
Ahem, I digress. Nick encourages Silent but Sexy to give talking dirty a try, if only so that her fiance realizes that they're in this thing together and not just two people having random sex. He recommends a few updates of how she's doing here and there rather than a constant stream, and I think that's a great idea.
But how do you give it a try if you've never done it before? The leap from silent to vocal is a huge one. I would suggest doing some recon by watching some porn to see what the ladies are saying these days. Pick out a few phrases or noises that you can endorse sexually and practice them while you're "dancing with yourself."
It might feel a bit silly, but you need some practice saying things out loud while you're focusing on sexual enjoyment. Start slowly with your man, maybe just with a moan here and an "mmmmmmmmmm" there. Then just use one of your stock phrases you practiced ("That's good", "I love that", "I want you" are good for starters), and don't think too much about what you're saying. Part of being in love is trying stuff out and not being too afraid if it fails, because the person will still love you anyway.
If you want him not to talk as much during sex, you'll have to take the naughty lead on that one, and tell him what he is
saying that turns you on. There's a time and a place for every type of bedroom talk, even the unsexy type, and he may just need your guidance.
What do you think about the guy advice and the girl advice? Have you ever had a too-vocal man in bed or been unsure of what to say? Tell us everything!
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