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Many a weeknight would not be complete without plopping down on the couch for some mindless TV about the scandalous lives of ... teenagers. Even if we're old enough to have babysat them, their troubles, rocky relationships and vicious popularity contests suck us in each week. But sometimes even the biggest fans of teen shows want to throw the remote at the TV because what's happening on the screen would never, ever happen in real life.



Pinstripes, Pocket Squares, Prada ... Oh, My!
Do actual high school girls show up to math class dressed like upscale hookers (with really fabulous $1,000 bags)? On "Gossip Girl," the get-ups Serena van der Woodsen wore to her Upper East Side private school might as well be sold at Ricky's in their Halloween "slutty schoolgirl" section. Another fashion victim is poor Quinn from "Glee," who wears her cheerleader outfit to school every single day. As if!

Money, Money, Money
Most of these degenerates have never worked a day in their lives (except Brandon Walsh -- but he spent all of his money on crappy cars and his gambling addiction). Real high school kids get stuck scanning groceries, changing diapers or mowing lawns all summer long. Makes us wonder how much money Sandy and Kirsten gave Ryan as his weekly allowance on "The O.C."

Cool at School
How about their bizarre social universes? Would "Saved by the Bell"'s head cheerleader Kelly have allowed Screech to stick around all those years? That kid (and his ant farm) would have been banished to the Science Club lunch table by third grade. At least the crew on "Dawson's Creek" were all dweebs. But on the new "90210," one week you're a social leper and the next week (thanks to being newly bipolar) you're the coolest kid in class!

And back to "Glee." How is the Glee Club not super-popular at this point? They can sing and dance; they have football players and cheerleaders in the club, and the gorgeous Mr. Schuester spearheading the whole thing? Perplexing, really.

Say What?
Didn't the writers of "Dawson's Creek" know that actual high schoolers don't speak like pompous Harvard professors? They say "like" between every word and mumble a lot. In the pilot episode, a 14-year-old Joey says, "I just think our emerging hormones are destined to alter our relationship and I'm trying to limit the fallout." Huh? "No, I don't want to make out with you" would have worked, too.

Totally Clueless
Some characters act as if they've just been dropped off on planet Earth. (The scary thing is that on shows like "The City" and "The Hills," those people are actually real, sorta.) For example, no high school guy -- even with just a few brain cells -- would believe he could get his girlfriend pregnant without doing the deed. "Glee"'s Finn needs to stop skipping sex ed.

Moving On
Sadly, people grow up and leave high school behind (or get killed off their shows like poor Marissa Cooper). But even though practically everyone on "Gossip Girl" headed downtown to NYU (except "Little J" who's busy throwing sewing machines and dressing like a heroin addict), they're still up to their petty Upper East Side shenanigans. At least Serena had the good sense not to slum it in the dorms.