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CJ ArabiaWhen it comes to love advice, it's hard to find somebody who will be totally honest with you. Your friends will tell you what you want to hear. Your sister will tell you what she thinks is best for you. No one will tell you the actual truth ... except for me.

I'm not a therapist, I'm not an expert, just a girl who thinks she knows better than you.

Because I do. So let's get right to it shall we?

Vanessa Writes:
What would you tell me to say to a friend who engages in 'intense friendships' with men she's in love with and always harbors the hope that they'll fall in love with her? Honestly, I've got no words left for her in this situation.

Dear Vanessa,
If you act like a therapist when people come to you with problems, they will continue to come to you with problems because, hey! Free therapy! So stop playing therapist and just be her friend. If you can't help, you can't help. If you're beyond your reach with her, it's nobody's fault. If she brings it up, simply remind her that this is a conversation for somebody qualified to handle it. If you don't engage, she will eventually go elsewhere to voice her insanity and frustration. (Hopefully with a professional.)



Coco Writes:
So, I have this Dude Friend. At first, I didn't like him (at all), but then we started hanging out a lot. And I then I had this horrible, romantic-comedy-style epiphany that I like him. Which is gross. I'm normally like this massive pterodactyl of hate, but whenever I'm with this dude, I feel like I have pudding in my lungs.

When he talks about his problems with girls (he dates, a lot) I want to hold him tenderly in my arms while their bodies decompose slowly in my basement. Dude Friend, for his part, has never so much made a move except for the occasional drunken joke about us sleeping together.

What the @#$%? Do you think guys instantly decide whether or not you're Just a Friend or a potential sex partner the instant they meet you? HELP, CJ, HELP!

Dear Coco,
The problem here is that he's flirting with you, but not making a move. I think you're safe to make a move. I would lean over and kiss him in the middle of a conversation. Then just look at him and say, "What do you think about that?" Bold, but it'll at least get the conversation going, and you can figure out if dating is the right move.

This guy may not want to ruin an amazing friendship over a booty call. So maybe he's not making a move because he knows he can't deliver what a relationship with you would require. Have you thought about that? Either way, it's time for an open, honest conversation about what's really going on between the two of you. Even if he doesn't like you Like That, you'll be even better friends with it out in the open.



Crisann Writes:
What's your opinion on the very risky endeavor of converting a good friendship into a romantic relationship? The friend in question feels the same. Too risky or right on the money?

Dear Crisann,
You have absolutely nothing to lose by entering a loving relationship with a friend. You're both adults, and you're aware of the dangers of any relationship. Just remember to be kind and loving to each other if things don't turn out the way you had hoped, but you may never get to that point. Could be true love.



Ryann Writes:
While my brain totally agrees with your advice last week, my body sometimes takes over and decides it wants to pine over someone who isn't that into me. If he's not asking me out again, he's not that into me, right?

Dear Ryann,
You know what? You're getting homework.

Your assignment is to go on three dates a month with three different guys. Even if you're not that into a guy, just go to go. Live your life. Do not put any portion of your life on hold for this one guy who may or may not ever come around.

For now, you can only live your life as if you've accepted that he's not into you. He's given you no indication otherwise -- and if a man is into, you he'll put plans and projects on hold to make time to see you. This guy is either not ready, or not into you. Either way, it's not going anywhere with this one.



Jane Writes:
I have a friend who's been trying to make boyfriends out of booty calls for as long as I've known her. One after the other. She comes to me in tears and when I tell her he's not the one, she turns on me. It's getting old and, quite frankly, boring.

Dear Jane,
Just like I told Vanessa: It's time to start being a friend and stop being a therapist. If there's nothing else you can say to help her, and it's actually threatening the friendship, explain to her that you've done all you can, and that she needs to talk to somebody about her feelings. When she brings up the topic, change the subject. She won't like this. When we do things to that are ultimately healthy for us and our friendships like this, it often makes the other person unhappy. That's OK. Let her pout and do her thing. I would be bummed if I was losing my free therapist, too. But if she's your friend, and she's worth it, she'll eventually come around.

Have a question for our anti-crap crusader ? Leave your question in the comments, or email CJ at cjarabia@lemondrop.com.