Lesley Arfin is the kickass author of "Dear Diary" a longtime contributor to Vice magazine and one of the raddest girls we know. So it makes sense that we'd go to her for advice. Got a question about love, relationships or that burning sensation?
Q: I've been with the same guy for 12 years and have always respected the relationship. I've found evidence where he hasn't been faithful, yet when confronted, he lies.
How can I truly catch him without going overboard? He works out of town regularly, and I'm sure his male co-workers will cover for him. --- Signed, Scorned.
Thanks for writing. I'm glad you asked, although I do have some follow-ups questions. First, what is the evidence you found? Is it proof? Because if it is, then you have caught him. Second, if you know he's lying, why do you need to make him tell the truth? Not only is he a cheater, he's also a liar.
I mean, look, 12 years is a long time. If you can't call him out on his bullshit now then I think the situation has more to do with you changing than the relationship. You have to be honest if you want out or not. (It's OK if you don't, by the way.) I say confront him with evidence; if he doesn't admit it and you still don't believe him, go to couples counseling.
Or you can just say you're going out of town and then "surprise" him by showing up unexpectedly wherever he might be gallivanting. But you know, shit like that never really works and will just end up making you look like a psycho.
I hope this helps. I know how hard this stuff is.