One of the best parts of having a platonic guy friend is having a go-to for the male perspective. And now I'm going to share my guy friend, Peter, with the world -- by answering your questions and then getting his take.
"I've recently started dating this guy who's great ... when we're alone. But once we're in public he acts totally different. Sometimes he disappears, other times it's like he's afraid to show any PDA whatsoever. I want to take things to the next level but am thinking this is a sign he's not ready, thoughts?" -- Annie, 24
To me a girlfriend is someone you can bring out but you don't have to be around constantly. But if this is something relatively new and your guy is ditching you half-an-hour after you get to the bar, it means he's being shady or he's not ready to be in a relationship and he's dealing with it immaturely.
It seems like the obvious answer here is, no, he's not ready! But does he know how you feel and where you want things to go? If he doesn't, he doesn't have any excuse for leaving you hanging or wondering where he is when you're out. But voicing how you feel about him could be the first step in changing the way you both act around other people. Before jumping to false conclusions, take into consideration there's a chance he might think he's doing you a favor by not smothering you, or he's just clueless on how to act around you because you aren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet.Peter:
Or he's being sketchy. Honesty is the best policy, so I would straight-up tell him I wasn't going out anywhere he was because this is how he's been acting. Being able to party with the person you're dating is an important aspect of a relationship. You have to be able to hang out as a couple ... in front of people! And if this hasn't already created trust issues and insecurity, it's going to.
And once the insecurities and trust issues set in, it's hard turn back because you're going to be thinking he's up to something, even if he's not. When he's being the sweetest guy to you in private, but not acting on it in public, things are bound to get confusing because you're getting pulled in two different directions. But I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words ...
In this case, his actions aren't adding up with what he's been telling you. If a guy is into you and wants to take things further, he'll let you know. Odds are he doesn't know what he wants and is dragging you along until he figures it out, which isn't fair.
What do you think Annie should do? Have you ever been with a dude who gives you the cold shoulder in public? What happened and how did you deal with it?
Kristen Rolllins blogs about relationships for Lemondrop and Peter Fertiguena runs Academy Printwear. Leave your questions for Kristen and Peter in the comments!