by Erin Zammett RuddyShould you sleep with your ex? Wear Spanx on a date? Go out with a guy who's younger than you? Find out how experts, authors and readers suggest you solve these dilemmas and more.
1. Is it OK to have a "friend with benefits"?
59% of glamour.com readers say YES.
2. Is it OK to friend your exes on Facebook?
72% of glamour.com readers say YES.
Yes: "I'm Facebook friends with six of my exes. Honestly, it would have been weirder to unfriend them after having once been so close, especially when things ended amicably. You just have to check yourself periodically for stalker-like behavior. My rule: If I'd be embarrassed if the ex saw how much I was on his page, then I need to cool it. And maybe hide his updates for a while." -- Elizabeth, 31, New York City
No: "Facebook almost ruined my marriage. My ex is one of those constant status updaters. I became obsessed with his whereabouts. He would talk about doing all these fun things, and I'd look at my relationship and think, We don't do that. I actually began to resent my husband. Eventually the ex and I met up, and that's when things got really bad. Bad as in we slept together. My husband found out, and we wound up separating. Now we're working things out. But man, nothing good comes from friending your ex." -- Anonymous, 33
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Saturday 24 October
By AverageJoeSixPac
Yes: "I'm Facebook friends with six of my exes. Honestly, it would have been weirder to unfriend them after having once been so close, especially when things ended amicably. You just have to check yourself periodically for stalker-like behavior. My rule: If I'd be embarrassed if the ex saw how much I was on his page, then I need to cool it. And maybe hide his updates for a while." -- Elizabeth, 31, New York City
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Wow Liz, Did you say SIX exes? and you have to check yourself periodically for stalker type behavior..... Damn woman, maybe you should cool your heals for a while, and stop with the crummy bars you visit! Maybe check out the local library next time, you might learn something there.
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Saturday 24 October
By rich
Good God woman! 6 ex's at 31!!!..Should have been a porn Star..might have retired at 30 :P
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Saturday 24 October
By Emma
I have always been very afraid of aging, you know, becoming old and useless and unattractive. When I turned 50, I decided to do something about it. I've spent fortunes on face creams and anti-aging serums… but using GenFX is the first time I've tried turning back the clock from the inside out. It's also the last time I'll spend a fortune on face creams! Now everyone says I look 35! antiaginggenfx (dot) com
Sunday 25 October
By Lori Miller
Hey, I have exes I never even slept with so how can having 6 of them at 30 make her a porn star?
Sunday 25 October
By miller
6 exes do not make her a porn-star. You don't have sex with every person you date. At least I don't. That was a rude comment. Not everyone is as loose with their body and reputation as others. Did you have sex with all your exes?
Monday 26 October
By Monique
6 people at 31 is less than 1 person every other year. Even still, if she were a male would u have the same reaction? To call her a porn star is extreme and disrespectful. You are obviously way to old for this conversation...one of those married couples with twin beds huh? Viagara does not make it ok to for sum1 your age to read this article.
Monday 26 October
By Tom
Hey People..I'm one of her exes..shes a BS Artist from Hell and back. Scag is a compliment to her..She looks 59.
Monday 26 October
By Robert
Damn 6 exes at 31...... Thats a Red Flag for guys she dates. I guess she just loves to collect those pricy engagement rings.... Or she can't keep a guy happy.
Saturday 24 October
By John Falls
None so far. I need to check things out...........Thanks for asking
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Saturday 24 October
By diane
I don't have a facebook page but i think being friends with an x lover has it's good points and bad points, I mean it depends on if you can keep it just a friendship but with guys and girls hard to keep it in the friend zone. You might just not be able to and you might end up destroying a good freindship if feelings start to rekindle. Awakward if one of you are in a serious relationship with someone else or if your married no matter how good or bad your marriage might be.
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Saturday 24 October
By Jenny
Seriously? You're blaming cheating on you husband on Facebook? Facebook didn't make her pretty much stalk her ex, meet him, or have sex with him. That was all her. I just can't believe she's putting that on being his facebook friend. Ha that's lame. I'm not saying it's good or bad to be friends with exes on Facebook, but blaming it for the failure of your marriage is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
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Sunday 25 October
By marinna
amen jenny. people loooove to rationalize.
Saturday 24 October
By David Shrewsbury
Why would someone take a chance on this happening. Can't people just move on?
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Sunday 25 October
By scammedbyawoman
This appears to be a forum whose main topic has all the right buzzwords to attract female readership. That is why I am appending to it. These are things that females in America need to know.
Something that women don't understand about men is this. The way men feel about women who will marry a man but then refuse to have sex with him, is the same way women feel about men who will have sex with a woman but then refuse to marry her. Some people are simply self-centered users of other people, and it works both ways.
Something else women don't understand about men. The way husbands feel about wives who refuse to give their husbands a sex-life, is the same way wives feel about husbands who refuse to give their wives monogamy. It's the feeling of being on the receiving side of some pretty repulsive and fraudulent behavior.
You want to know why?
One reason is because for men the importance of a sex-life in marriage is the same as how women view the importance of monogamy in marriage, and similarly, for men the importance of monogamy in marriage is the same as how women view the importance of a sex-life in marriage. If you are unwilling to give your spouse what they consider most important, then you don't deserve to get what you consider most important, and it works both ways.
A second reason is because while most people consider an adulterous marriage to be a loveless marriage, most men also consider a sexless marriage to be a loveless marriage.
And a third reason is because the wedding vows promise "TO HAVE and to hold, and TO HAVE no others". Well, what exactly does "TO HAVE" mean in the phrase "TO HAVE no others"? Whatever you think it means, it has the same meaning in the first part of the vow "TO HAVE and to hold".
For the single men out there, always make sure your wedding vows state "TO HAVE no others" rather than "forsaking all others". Female logic concludes that "forsaking all others" is the monogamy requirement in the vows, but that "to have and to hold" is just a bunch of flowery words which don't mean anything about ensuring your partner has a sex-life. The ambiguity causes many wives to believe they are not violating the wedding vows by deciding that they are done having sex with their husband for the rest of their lives.
My situation.. When I was in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship my girlfriend had no qualms about having sex anytime day or night. She was perfectly willing to be accommodating to my level of interest in sex. As soon as the "I do's" were over I discovered that my sex life was never again to be the same. On the first night of our honeymoon I learned that she was no longer going to reciprocate for my giving her oral benefits. I also learned that she considered sex to be a means to an end, where the primary end was marriage. After that, it was only necessary for making babies. After the baby-making years were over, so was the need to ever again have sex. Before we were married, what attracted me to her was that she had the same athletic interests that I had, namely hiking, biking, swimming, and tennis. She quit all these 'cold turkey' on the day we were married. Her attitude was "no more need to do this $H!#". I am still athletic, but she immediately became a couch potato, and gained about 50 pounds in the first year of marriage, and has gained over 100 pounds since then. What the weight-gain did to her appearance is NOTHING compared to what it did to her behavior. It caused her to suffer body-image anxiety, and the way she coped with that was to avoid sex. She is NOT withholding sex as some sort of punishment to me for any perceived wrong-doing. She is avoiding it because sex fell outside of her psychological comfort zone after she gained weight, and looked in a mirror, and decided that she was no longer sexy-looking. Consequently, she decided for me, without my input, that I was no longer going to have a sex life. Women need to know that avoiding sex with their husband as a way to cope with body-image anxiety makes a complete farce of marriage. MARRIAGE IS A F...ING SCAM!!!! when women do this.
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Sunday 25 October
By Sandy
"One reason is because for men the importance of a sex-life in marriage is the same as how women view the importance of monogamy in marriage, and similarly, for men the importance of monogamy in marriage is the same as how women view the importance of a sex-life in marriage. If you are unwilling to give your spouse what they consider most important, then you don't deserve to get what you consider most important, and it works both ways."
The statement above hits the nail on the head. As a woman I do agree with a lot of the statements made by "scammedbya woman". As soon as the "I do's" were over and this wife made it known the sexcapades were over now that she snagged him, he should have high tailed it out of there. She sounds like a very manipulative person. However, I feel the majority of wives do NOT withhold sex intentionally. Many times the burden of taking care of infants at the same time as working part/full time, and taking care of a home can leave a woman exhausted. That said, there MUST be real communication in the marriage. Instead of the husband just turning over in a huff when the wife is too tired for sex, perhaps he can be more understanding. He also needs to communicate to her perhaps at time some point out of the bedroom during a serious and heartfelt conversation how important intercourse is to him. I'm not so sure all women realize that. If my husband had communicated with me in that way, we would have not had the difficult years we endured when we had 3 children all under the age of 3. He also needs to let her know that though her body has changed he still finds her sexy and desirable. Buy her some sexy clothes or teddies that compliment her figure. If she needs to lose a few pounds, encourage her to walk or work out with you. I absolutely 100% agree that a man whose wife withholds sex for months at a time believes he is in a loveless marriage as stated above. I think the problem starts with having kids and not "scheduling" time for each other. Unfortunately, for me my eyes were not opened to this until I caught my husband on an "Ashley Madison - type" site looking for "something he was not getting at home (sex)" to wake me up. His profile was quite revealing on that site -- stating he loved his wife, didn't want to ruin his marriage. This discovery from a man I had been with for 18 years who never even had girlie magazines or porn videos in the house was shocking and hurtful to say the least. However, the honesty and communication between us that developed as a result of this incident has changed our marriage. I should have realized it sooner, as when we would have sex I would feel more in love with him and connected -- yet we would go months without it for one reason or another (usually I was too tired, antidepressants had affected my sex drive and I was stressed with elderly parent health issues). Following this incident, I started to research ways to spice up our sex life. I bought a lot of books on sex/intimacy and we are having the most fun we have ever had in the bedroom. I have read a lot about Tantric Sex, which is an amazing way to really truly connect with your spouse. Staring in to each others eyes while kissing and making love and climaxing has taken sex to a whole new level for us. I now feel we are connected as one person, soul-mates, so to speak. As well, the physical benefits for men and women having regular intercourse are many: Boosts the immune system, reduced risk of heart disease, weight loss (a good long session can be great exercise), reduced incidence of depression, decreased risk of prostate cancer. Women should also know abstaining from sex can lead to vaginal atrophy, but regular regular sessions can firm a woman's tummy and buttocks! The other thing women should do for their men is let them know they are wanted. Men need their ego stroked. Some women poo-poo this and think it is just a game, but it changes the relationship. Text him suggestive messages (my husband's friends are jealous of these and say their wives NEVER do this). Send an suggestive e-card to him at work. Put a pair of sexy boy shorts in his lunch box scented with your perfume. Little acts like this mean a lot to the other spouse. Of course, MEN have to reciprocate and do their work also --- send her a short e-mail letting her know how good she felt the night before, surprise her with some perfume that turns you on, call her from work to let her know you are just thinking of her, arrive home from work and say "Hi gorgeous" and give her a long sensuous kiss. All these little things can make marriage a real joy. I think this also provides a great example to children of what a loving marriage should be. Needless to say, when my 3 boys are older and have kids of their own I will offer to babysit them at least overnight once a month so they can have some intimate time with their wives.
So, scammedbyawman -- don't give up on the idea of marriage. Just make sure you pick the "right" woman next time around ;-)
Sunday 25 October
By habib3225
holy cow... i feel bad for how things turned out for you but, what you said was very well written and insightful. i am 24, unmarried, and have been dating my girlfriend for nearly 4 years... we kinda have plans to get married, but i do feel hesitant. within the 3 1/2 years dating, she has cheated at least once, which has caused me to reciprocate in a similar fashion. sex has become a chore for her it seems which has caused tension amongst the relationship. we do not live together nor see one another very often. do you think this can be a start of a downward spiral of bull sh*t?
Sunday 25 October
By TRICIA
i just want to say stay friends when you are married or when you are not married friendship is the most important thing in any relationship.date each other before marriage and after marriage stop letting todays world dictate the rest of your life seperate the good things you hold dear like your marriage and your children and friends and family so when the storm come you know that they are safe so do the same with your marriage keep it safe do not let the storm in start early and you wont be late so when those hard times come in a relationship you will be ready and know what to do buy her things just for nothing give him sex just for being there take a walk just to hold hand start foreplay through exercise roll around on the grass tell him to lift you like he lift weights and bring you down easy so he can get heated along the way there is so much to sex even with out sex you both will feel like you already had it and then go home and realy have marriage sex one with god spiritual holy rolling sex and feel blessed through it stop thinking what he is doing and what she is doing just worrie about what you are going to do to each other when you get the chance to spend some time together you waste to much time and energy on people you dont even know or even know if they exsit in you partners life that is why you are loseing the game of marriage stop being a player hater and learn the game the better you get the longer they stay and we all become winners in the game call marriage.children or no children this is for real game for adults that in it to win it to the end.
Monday 26 October
By DG
Amen Brother!!!! The "I Do's" in marrage stand for I do agree to never get any for the rest of my f_@c&#g life. I too enjoyed a great sex life before getting married. Now I'm getting sex like military rations. Marrage sucks. Well I wish :).
Monday 26 October
By Rob
You are so F...ing correct! and Woman wonder why men cheat! All I can say is you nailed it rite on the nose!
Tuesday 27 October
By chattenx
wow! you said something that is so true. Most women who become shabby and dowdy after marriage, probably feel the anxiety of not being attractive and do away with sex. Not necessarily a punishment to the husband but more a self inflicted state of being selfless. The other side of this coin would be to cheat with someone else to feel better for themselves. Very astute your observation!