Nerd boys have their obvious allure -- they're generally good for conversation, holders of steady jobs, and all too willing to fix your computer. But great sex? That's traditionally been the realm of the fireman, the cop, the construction worker, the UPS guy and various other Village People archetypes.
But we're tired of muscle-headed hunks getting all the attention. Give us a skinny, four-eyed dude in a button-down over a toned, Ken-doll cliché any day of the week. Here, a sampling of our favorite nerds and the reasons why they make great lays:
#1. The Doctor (e.g. J.D. [Zach Braff] in "Scrubs") He knows exactly where the magic orgasm button is because ... he's a doctor. Time and time again, we're surprised by how many grown boys just don't know their way around down there. Most manly men aren't stopping for directions, but a doctor has literally studied the ins and outs of your anatomy. He ain't getting lost in your 'hood.
#2. The Cyber Geek (e.g. Zaboo [Sandeep Parikh] from "The Guild") Aroused by your quirkiest traits, the Cyber Geek tends to adore things about you that you may find slightly embarrassing. There's nothing more gratifying than discovering that those Ms. Pac Man skillz you picked up in elementary school now have the power to make your man go into heat. The Cyber Geek is the perfect outlet for your dorkiest sexual impulses. (Um, Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?)
#3. The Comic Con Guy (e.g. Gerard Way) Have you been to a comic book convention lately? Kinky doesn't even begin to describe some of the stuff that has become standard issue both within the pages of popular graphic novels and off the pages at comic cons. The sexually adventurous would do well to get comfortable with the distinctions between Marvel, DC and Dark Horse Comics (at the very least).
#4. The Public School Teacher (e.g. Dan Dunne [Ryan Gosling] in "Half-Nelson," minus the crack addiction) Every day, he deals with kids. Lots of them. This is a guy who is never, ever going to be sloppy about contraceptives. He knows firsthand how truly exhausting having kids can be, and if he's certain about one thing, it's that he doesn't want to be a baby daddy. Sit back and relax. You're in good hands with the teacher.
#5. The Retail Analyst (e.g. Daniel Bloomgarden) While this Wall Street hunk's work is somewhat dry, the key word here is "retail" (as in Prada, Gucci and Chanel). This is a man who always smells tasty, because he gets the best colognes and grooming products direct from fashion-vendor goodie bags. If your olfactory glands play big into your arousal factor, might I recommend a whiff of the retail analyst.
#6. The Writer (e.g. Tucker Max [kidding -- how about Dave Eggers]) Having sex with a writer is just asking for your naughtiest, most private moments to get exploited in his next work of "fiction." On the other hand, if the exhibitionist in you likes the idea of thousands of future readers hanging on your every word, then the writer is your go-to guy.
#7. The Artist (e.g. Matthew Barney) Artists are a sure a source of happy, boozy sex. There's no end to the flow of free wine at gallery openings, and most serious artists we know make it a point to attend at least a couple of these a week. With so much alcohol just there for the taking, the post-gallery "event" will surely be accompanied by that warm, glowing sense of drunken well-being.
Tell us -- which overlooked profession gets you hot?