Crystal Bell: 'Revenge' Finale Recap: The Most Shocking Death Ever
BritChick Paris: I'm 38 and Want a Baby - Is it Too Late?
9. Should you pee with the door open when he's home?68% of glamour.com readers say NO.
(We listen in on an actual debate between two guys, Amir Blumenfeld and Jake Hurwitz of collegehumor.com.)
Jake: Obviously not on the first date, but after a couple months, why not? It's nothing we haven't seen before.
Amir: I do it all the time at Jake's apartment.
Jake: Right, I wish you wouldn't. And they're talking about significant others, not co-workers.
Amir: Oh, in that case, I'm gonna say nay. It's not like it's hard to shut the door. There's such a thing as being too comfortable. Keep some things private, or you'll become like roommates, which is the relationship kiss of death. That's why I don't fart in front of my girl.
Jake: You've never had a girlfriend.
Amir: Not yet.
10. Sounds nuts, but when you hit a certain age, should you ... settle?
89% of glamour.com readers say NO.
Yes: "It's not about settling as much as it is about not reaching for something unattainable. Women want to be dazzled with Prince Charming-romantic gestures, but think about what's going to matter in 20 years. Compatibility. When you're in your twenties, you're meeting all these guys, and they're 8's. But you say, 'Oh, he could be taller,' or 'He plays video games too much,' so you break up with him because you want a 10. You become entitled and picky- despite the fact that you're not a 10, by the way. When I say you should settle, I mean go for those 8's. Eights are a catch! Believe me, when you're 40 and single, you will be dying to have those 8's, but they'll all be married. And then you will have to settle -- for a 5." -- Lori Gottlieb, author of the upcoming book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough"
No: "Marrying someone you aren't crazy about only to secure the financial and domestic conveniences of wedlock is as stale and trite as day-old Doritos. Settling represents a failure of both imagination and confidence. It marks an essential disregard for others and for ourselves: for the capacity to love, to give, to inspire. It's difficult enough to make a marriage last. If we cannot so much as drum up enthusiasm in the beginning-if we lack even the memory of a full-blooded passion to sustain us through times of trial-then we are frail indeed. By settling, we exploit others, and we impoverish ourselves." -- Cristina Nehring, author of "A Vindication of Love: Reclaiming Romance for the Twenty-First Century"
Related Links from Glamour.com
10 Things He's Thinking When You're Naked12 Secret Signs He's Into You
The Secret Fears He Won't Share With You
Comments:
Add a comment
Friday 23 October
By oreo
ahah. wow. I love jake and amir. But other than that, this article was insightful. Thanks!
Reply
Friday 23 October
By Tony Loscalzo
Destructive advise to tell people that it's OK to have cheap, uncommited intimate relationships: a contradiction in terms. It's like telling people it's OK to have friends you don't trust. Intimacy is immiscible with individuality; you become one. There is no way around it
These points for cool relationships by cool people are a recipe for disasterous shallow relations and ultimatly personal trauma and lots of bad memories..
Become friends first and gradually explore each others moral values (like loyalty?) if you want to marry permanently. That's what you are looking for if you are honest with yourself: that one who is for you.
Reply
Sunday 25 October
By xve298
The point is getting your needs met. Getting good sex is what it is about not "waiting" until they become long friends. yes nurture relationships but have some one for those needs a bed buddy /booty call/FWB/whenever I'm horny/do me now is a person's best defense to becoming infatuated , not seeing with clear eyes an waking up to a relationship that is not satisfying!!!
Saturday 24 October
By lisa
with 60% of men gay the remaining mostly misogynists there wont be much to settle with and who wants to "settle" how awful..sooner or later you are going to have to kiss this person and have sex if you dont feel anything how awful we need to examine why so many men really dislike women so much whole movements against women have formed and women say and do nothing about this...they go shop to feel better and spend enormous amounts of money and time trying to look good for...who? we are living in the age of misogyny.. its a twisted world
Reply
Sunday 25 October
By scammedbyawoman
This appears to be a forum whose main topic has all the right buzzwords to attract female readership.
That is why I am appending to it. These are things that females in America need to know.
Something that women don't understand about men is this. The way men feel about women who will marry a man but then refuse to have sex with him, is the same way women feel about men who will have sex with a woman but then refuse to marry her. Some people are simply self-centered users of other people, and it works both ways.
Something else women don't understand about men. The way husbands feel about wives who refuse to give their husbands a sex-life, is the same way wives feel about husbands who refuse to give their wives monogamy. It's the feeling of being on the receiving side of some pretty repulsive and fraudulent behavior.
You want to know why?
One reason is because for men the importance of a sex-life in marriage is the same as how women view the importance of monogamy in marriage, and similarly, for men the importance of monogamy in marriage is the same as how women view the importance of a sex-life in marriage. If you are unwilling to give your spouse what they consider most important, then you don't deserve to get what you consider most important, and it works both ways.
A second reason is because while most people consider an adulterous marriage to be a loveless marriage, most men also consider a sexless marriage to be a loveless marriage.
And a third reason is because the wedding vows promise "TO HAVE and to hold, and TO HAVE no others". Well, what exactly does "TO HAVE" mean in the phrase "TO HAVE no others"? Whatever you think it means, it has the same meaning in the first part of the vow "TO HAVE and to hold".
For the single men out there, always make sure your wedding vows state "TO HAVE no others" rather than "forsaking all others". Female logic concludes that "forsaking all others" is the monogamy requirement in the vows, but that "to have and to hold" is just a bunch of flowery words which don't mean anything about ensuring your partner has a sex-life. The ambiguity causes many wives to believe they are not violating the wedding vows by deciding that they are done having sex with their husband for the rest of their lives.
My situation.. When I was in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship my girlfriend had no qualms about having sex anytime day or night. She was perfectly willing to be accommodating to my level of interest in sex. As soon as the "I do's" were over I discovered that my sex life was never again to be the same. On the first night of our honeymoon I learned that she was no longer going to reciprocate for my giving her oral benefits. I also learned that she considered sex to be a means to an end, where the primary end was marriage. After that, it was only necessary for making babies. After the baby-making years were over, so was the need to ever again have sex. Before we were married, what attracted me to her was that she had the same athletic interests that I had, namely hiking, biking, swimming, and tennis. She quit all these 'cold turkey' on the day we were married. Her attitude was "no more need to do this $H!#". I am still athletic, but she immediately became a couch potato, and gained about 50 pounds in the first year of mariage, and has gained over 100 pounds since then. What the weight-gain did to her appearance is NOTHING compared to what it did to her behavior. It caused her to suffer body-image anxiety, and the way she coped with that was to avoid sex. She is NOT withholding sex as some sort of punishment to me for any perceived wrong-doing. She is avoiding it because sex fell outside of her psychological comfort zone after she gained weight, and looked in a mirror, and decided that she was no longer sexy-looking. Consequently, she decided for me, without my input, that I was no longer going to have a sex life. Women need to know that avoiding sex with their husband as a way to cope with body-image anxiety makes a complete farce of marriage. MARRIAGE IS A F...ING SCAM!!!! when women do this.
Reply
Sunday 25 October
By xve298
So right!! I am with you on this. I too have gone thru this horror story and the ripoff divorce. I myself would get an annulment and I really thing is is fraud but women know the have the girl's x get out of responsibility . Men need to expose this as women who go thru this need to also.
Sunday 25 October
By Angel
I agree with you 100%!! I am a 35 year old woman and have been married for 15 years and I still love sex! Even after 2 children, but my question to you is, how would you address this scenario in reverse? A couple years after the "I dos" were said, HE quit giving sex. I did not get fat, still look the same, still act the same, and have been a very good wife (his words). He just doesn't feel like it anymore. I have made him see his doctor several times over the years and he is perfectly healthy with no problems that could contribute to this problem. He always tells me how beautiful I am and he loooooves my DD breasts, but considers the act a chore. I enjoy oral sex and am always coming up with new and exciting things that we could do and he is always too tired or "not in the mood". Please tell me from a man's view, how would you assess this situation?
Reply
Sunday 25 October
By ghost writer
I feel for you as well as "scammedbyawoman". I have seen this happen to both sexes. Everything starts off great and then the "I do's", and then the "they don'ts". My best friend finally left his wife after having her flat out refuse to have sex for the last 10 of their 17 year marriage. A female friend had her husband stop touching her after the second kid was born. Granted she got big, but he was no George Clooney. She lost the weight eventually, but he didn't stick around. The only things these 2 stories have in common is that the spouses found "something better". I think that when the shine comes off the relationship, (thru no fault of the jilted party) these people just start to resent everything and everyone around them. When they feel like they are in a situation they can't get away from (i.e. marriage/divorce) they shut down, and no longer want or need sex. It really is a shame. No amount of therapy will get them back on track. So you will either have to live with(out) it, Have an affair, which I DO NOT condone, or give it up and divorce. Really just a bad situation all around. I wish you both good luck and a better solution.
Monday 26 October
By Premie Men
I have some input to this as well.. How about men who have sexual issues too.. How about pre mature ejaculation? huh? Yes that is a major turn off.. Get all horny in bed and there is a wad sitting on your back.. inside of your thigh.. Major turn off.. You got to be kidding me.. The thing is when they do not seek councilor or a doctor to fix this? Yah it sucks major.. but I stuck it out with this person because he was everything I wanted and loved in a man.. I may have gained 20 pounds while he lost .20 of an ounce of a wad on my back.. Men you wont fix your f-ed up errors and you have the courage to bitch about a women's weight. What ever. That is the most sickening thing to have to deal with. Damn if he gained 50 pounds I could handle that.. At least you can talk about how to change that.. talking about having sex with a man who cums a wad when you kiss? About time someone talks about a dick that cant hold its own.. Major rip off and turn off..
Reply