We all know runway shows are over-the-top spectacles designed to incite strong reactions. If I were able to confront the following models with my honest thoughts on their bizarro outfits, here's what I'd say (and what I imagine they'd say back).

Dsquared2 -- Spring 2010 Collection
Me: Dude, I gotta be honest. I'm just not feelin' the gloves.
Model: Why?
Me: I know you're going for the sexy, rugged look, but I'm getting more of a disposing-of-the-body vibe.
Model: Damn.
Rochas -- Spring 2010 Collection
Do you ever get the feeling that you're forgetting something?


Gareth Pugh -- Spring 2008 Collection
Hey now, don't feel bad. My Jack Russell terrier once got her head stuck in a milk jug and it was kind of adorable..
Balenciaga -- Pre-Fall 2009 Collection
I am in awe of your commitment to Swiffer-ing.
Viktor & Rolf Fall 2007 Collection
I'm getting the sense you didn't get nearly enough attention as a child. Do you want to talk about that at all? Dim those lights, sister, I'm here for ya.
Alexander McQueen -- Fall 2009 Collection
Me: So, is everything OK?
Model: Yeah, why?
Me: Well, you have a hubcap on your head.
Alexander Wang -- Spring 2010 Collection
Me: Remember that scene in "The Little Mermaid" where Ariel finds an old sail on the beach and she and her seagull friend wrap it around her and tie it up with a piece of rope and call it a dress?
Model: No.
Me: Oh. That explains a lot.
Marc Jacobs -- Fall 2009 Collection
Me: Did it hurt?
Model: What?
Me: When you fell into a pile of duct tape?
Model: Is that, like, a pick-up line?
Me: No, I'm actually really concerned.




(All images: Getty Images)

Winona Dimeo-Ediger writes the blog Daddy Likey and is the author of the book "Closet Confidential: Style Secrets Learned the Hard Way."