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10. What does our zodiac sign have to do with anything?If the sun, moon and stars have so much control over our compatibility, we wonder what a bowl of Lucky Charms can do. Got milk?
9. Why do you need so many pillows?Unless there's a surprise orgy scheduled for later, we don't see the need for 20 "decorative" pillows on the bed. Wait, there aren't any secret orgy parties, right?
8. Why are greeting cards so important? It may have taken you hours to select the perfect card with just the right message, but it'll take us five seconds to toss it in the recycling bin. Sorry, we don't do Hallmark moments. Lingerie makes for a much better memory and memento.
7. Who needs candles when we have electricity?If you're looking for low lighting, the glare from the TV as we're playing Madden should suffice. If it's the pretty flame that fascinates you, feel free to utilize the one on the stove to make us a grill cheese sandwich.
6. Why do you need to post everything on Facebook?We don't smile for pictures and we definitely don't spend hours in the mirror practicing our pose, but apparently you girls do and build digital shrines to yourselves. Unless there are a few naked shots in the bunch, we're not interested in seeing slideshows of your entire life -- or how cute your cat is.
5. Why do you like bubble baths so much? When it comes to bathroom activities, we enjoy standing as much as possible, so give us a shower (and a urinal) any day. Besides, since when is lying in a tepid pool of your own filth sexy? The bubbles don't help either.
4. Is that a purse or a suitcase?The good thing about a home is it provides a great place to store all your stuff. There's no need to lug a week's worth of items around in a bag that's bigger than most small dogs. When we go out, we only carry what we need in a lovely invention known as the pocket. We're sure you've heard of it.
3. Is crying the answer for every emotion?You cry when you're sad. You cry when you're mad. You even cry when you're happy. We just don't. It's less confusing that way.
2. If you don't like her then why is she your "friend"?We just don't get why y'all hang out with someone on a regular basis and then talk smack about her behind her back. We don't like catty, but be sure to call us if there's a catfight.
1. Four words: "Sex and the City" We thought show's cancellation would help, but with a second film adaptation on the way we'll have to suffer through even more comparisons to guys who don't even exist. What grown man wants to be called "Burger"? Now if there was a character with a cool name like "Mr. Big" we might be more inclined to pay attention. Oh, there is a guy named Mr. Big? So, how much sex actually happens in this city again?
(All images: Flickr, Getty Images)
Anslem Samuel is a New York-based journalist who has written for Essence, Penthouse, XXL, The Source and StreetLevel among others. He blogs daily about sex, relationships and all the fun stuff in between at NakedWithSocksOn.com.
More '10 Things' Lists from Lemondrop:
+ 10 Things Not to Say to a Fat Guy
+ 10 Things Not to Say on a Road Trip
+ 10 Men Not to Date in 2010
+ 10 Songs You Should Never Listen To After a Breakup
+ 10 Things Not to Say to a Coworker You Have a Crush On
+ The entire "10 Things" category page
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Sunday 07 March
By yasmina
10 things women don't understand about men
1. Why they are constantly fondly themselves. Are they afraid that they lost their little best friend and have to check that he is still there or does he just have jock itch?
2. Why, when you are on an airplane, do men ALWAYS stink up the toilet? They close the door and read a paper on an airplane toilet. Afterwards, it has to be fumigated before anyone else can go in
3. Why do men think that it is funny or cool, even when they are over 40, to burp and fart in a room full of people when watching TV? Are they still mentally 3 years old?
4. Why do men always leave their underwear, with their tiretracks, on the floor next the hamper and not in it?
5. Why do they think that it is extraordinary to help with the kids when they get home from work, even though the mom (who is working too), does it without hesitate? Do they think they are just sperm donors?
6. On the subject of sperm, why do they think it is necessary to spread their sperm all around the planet, even when it is not wanted? It is not a precious metal...
7. Why do they still have to bond with their male friends in a caveman like ritual?
8. Why are they not capable of a more meaningful conversation, other than, "did you see her tits?"
9. Why do they think it is okay for them to become fat, but really really fat, with disgusting bellies, and it is not okay for a woman to have even 10 pounds on her? Newsflash guys: We don't like your fat bellies or asses either.... back up.
10. And lastly, quite simply, why do they think that every woman is desperate for their attention. Rude awakening guys: If you aren't a good, respectful, kind, open, warm-hearted man, most of us don't give a damn about how much money you have, your car, your sunglasses, etc. In fact, spend your money getting that fur waxed off your check... yuck!... and back WAY UP!
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Sunday 07 March
By Jan
Why is everyone concerned with what others think? Each person has a right to enjoy what they like...as long as it does not infringe on another's space. We are complete unto ourselves. Many women have not found their identity, they seek it outside themself in men. Better to look within and find happiness...then all else falls into place. If you enjoy candles or horoscopes or sports or whatever...good for you! Why can we not all just accept and respect the rights of individuals? If we were all the same it would be a boring world. If you are looking for a wonderful relationship...first learn to appreciate and respect the rights of others. then learn to accept and allow others to be who they are. Then the relationship flows easily and becomes a beautiful experience.
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Sunday 07 March
By ranmac9215
and I was bored and tired and having a drink too send me your email you sound like someone interesting to talk to
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Sunday 07 March
By I_Think_You_Have_Issues
I won't comment on WHAT issues you might have with women, but obviously you don't relate particularly well to them, as your comments show a more-than-minimal level of disrespect toward the gender.
But I will comment on your "points":
1. Who cares? It is a show and I don't even know any women who watch it. No one asks you why you give a crap about, let's say, "Smash Lab" or "Mythbusters" to make a similar generalization about men. I'm sure that plenty of women don't "get it" about why men like to see non-experts profess their expert status by using utterly ABSURD and only pseudo-scientific (at best) methods to destroy things for the entertainment (not edification) of their "buds". Heck, I know MEN who don't get it about why men watch that stuff either.
2. Oh how holier-than-thou you are! Men talk about other men all of the time. I spend a LOT of time around men, and they "talk smack" about each other all of the time! Perhaps those women that you are critical of are actually trying to avoid a typically male-type "pissing contest" when they bring out the petty things that they might be complaining about? Perhaps they'd just rather say something to a friend and get it off of their chest than to hurt or anger the other person over something minor? Oh, I forgot, that's talking about feelings... something that we women could stereotype you GUYS as being incapable of doing! But that would be unfair, right?
3. Nope, crying is not the "answer for every emotion". It just expresses something that you can't hold it. I'm assuming from your objection that you "never cry"... how ... ummm... "manly" (said as tongue-in-cheek as possible). In case you didn't happen to notice it, everyone has emotions and each of us (of both genders) express them differently. I know plenty of men who cry. I know plenty of women who don't. Either you are a crier or a non-crier, it is just who you are. Maybe, just maybe, though, women feel more free to express their emotions instead of bottling them up until they come out as some sort of hostility (such as your article)?
4. I'll admit, I'm not a fan of the "apartment sized handbag". I don't much like to carry one at all. But there ARE things that you need on your person. People need medications, sometimes BGL meters, "feminine needs", combs, hairbrushes, their checkbook... you gotta carry it somewhere and guess what? The (frequently MALE) designers of women's clothes quite often LEAVE OUT THE POCKETS! Or make them so small that they are useless! You men certainly like to look at a woman's shapely rear end, but how much would that great view lose if it had a wallet, hairbrush, and other lumpy necessities stuffed into those back pockets? You want us sexy, but then ask for frumpy necessity!
5. Well, I could cop out with "It's called hygiene; You should try it sometime..." But since you claim that you do shower, I'll just point out that standing in a shower is a matter of cleansing. Taking a bath (which is usually done when one is essentially clean anyway) is for relaxation. Maybe, as could be inferred from your high strung comments, you are a type A variety of human to which relaxation is an alien concept. However, I think that a bath/bubble bath does not differ much from a hot tub, hot spring, or the japanese/european style "public bath" as they are all about relaxation and NOT cleaning one's body.
6. Nope. Men don't "get" Facebook... That's why there are so many of you there, right? With shots of you and your buddies playing drinking games, or pulling stupid stunts? I suppose a man's "digital shrine" to his drunken exploits or travel photos, etc. is a fine use of server space; However, we are to assume that a woman's pics of her kids or whatever is not a valid use of the resources. Facebook is a "networking site", you can't network if you don't talk to people or share information. Obviously different people have different passions, so you are just as free to post your pics of your tattoos as I am to post mine of my artwork.
7. I don't really even want to touch this because this "point" of yours is where your absolute misogyny shines through the brightest. I feel sorry for any woman significantly involved in your life. Not because you don't like candles, but because you obviously have no respect for the women in your life. (If there are any.) If you want to address the "candles issue" you need only look up the words "mood" and "romance", perhaps "ambiance" or "soothing"... But mostly, candles are a thing that either people go for or they don't. I know guys who have bigger candle fetishes than many women I know. And they are the type of men who would probably break your legs if you started "questioning their manhood" based on it!
8. Greeting cards express sentiments. Some are sweet, some are funny, some are even rude. Women are BIG on expressing sentiments. It is something that they'd LIKE the men in their lives to do more often, or more sincerely. I've gotten many heartfelt greeting cards FROM guys, even on "non-obligatory occasions". Many guys use greeting cards because they DO have trouble getting those right words out to express feelings. Women use them more among themselves than to guys. But maybe, and I'm stretching here, they are just yet ANOTHER thing that either people go for or they don't but it is a generalization to "stick it to women" because they use them more often then men!
9. One word, comfort. You like your woman to make a comfortable home for you. You expect her to clean it, make it attractive and functional, make it "homey". To a woman, a pile of pillows to fall into gives us "warm fuzzies", kinda like your ratty armchair and cold beer might for you. They pretty up the place, give us things to prop us up in various positions while relaxing, and even something to throw at you when you are being a jerk! In ancient times to eat reclining on something soft was luxurious, implied not just relaxation but a certain affluence... Maybe it is psychological thing that we need comforting objects like pillows, slippers, things which smell pretty, things that are nice to look at. Maybe in a world made ugly (many times by the egos and actions of men), we need a little comfort. Or maybe you are just such a serious jerk that your "significant other" needs a LOT of things to throw at you that won't damage her furniture?
10. Astrology, in all of its various forms, is a very prevalent belief system in many cultures around the world. There are just as many, if not more, men that believe in it as women. (Not that I, personally, place any stock in it.) The fact that you don't care about it, doesn't completely invalidate it. Maybe women (who I don't think believe in it any more or less than men) are just busy trying to figure themselves out? Perhaps they are trying to understand "what makes them tick, and it gives them some insights? It's not like the world couldn't use a few more individuals that were better "in touch" with themselves and maybe even had a way to better understand the actions of those around them as well! Any way that you cut it, though, it is yet another hackneyed generalization. Ask a Chinese man if he believes that the year he was born, for instance, in some way sets the tone for his life or controls some part of his personality. I think you'd get more "yes" responses then "no"s.
To close this out, since I've wasted far too much of my non-sex-in-the-city-watching, non-smack-talking, non-suitcase-carrying, non-greeting-card-obsessed, non-astrology-believing time...
I think you need a good woman.
Or a good therapist.
Or both.
Your disrespect and obvious hostility shine through your words like venomous little fireflies on the romantic moonlit night which you would rather spend butt-scratching in your LazyBoy, in front of the latest pro-wrestling match while your woman, dressed in sexy babydoll nightie, rubbed your smelly feet and brought you near-raw steak and cold brews.
Or at least that is what your most likely highly meterosexual misogynist, most likely vain and egotistical self would like the "other guys" to believe...
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Sunday 07 March
By tsanir
And the point of putting down a woman who does not participate in such rediculous customs is...?
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Sunday 07 March
By julia7694
10: He insists stars billions of light-years away have some massive effect over our choices. I insist they are far too far away for any measurable force to have any measurable effect on our solar system, let alone our choices.
9: I have 2. He has 7, sometimes 8. I don't know where the 8th goes or comes from. I don't care. I just feel bad when I end up tossing half of them on the floor.
8: Greeting cards? Seriously? Some random thoughts from some random publishing company. If I have something sappy to say I will, on occassion, say it. After a glass or two of wine, admittedly. There are no cards.
7: He does the candles. I'm perfectly fine without. Never really got the point.
6: If he facebooks I don't know. I don't care. I haven't checked mine in months.
5: Ahhh, the bath... Finally I can feel like the girl in the relationship. I'm fine sans bubbles and, no, it does not count as cleaning ones body, but what about lying in a tub full of hot water does not sound relaxing? Ask any football player who soaks in the whirlpool after a taxing practice or game.
4: Wallet, cell, tampons, breath mints, advil, a bottle of juice, a pen, chapstick, lipstick, allergy meds so I can breathe in your dog-filled house, condoms, spermacide, and, yeah, it is quite useful.
3: Crying is an expression of a strong emotional state. Either you lack that or you lack the ability to express it. We're not going to apologize for not being emotionally stunted.
2: If I don't like her she isn't my friend. We are civil when we are around each other and try to get along for the sake of mutual friends. It's called being polite. We do not spend time together if we don't have to and if she trashes me that's her bag. I prefer to say nothing.
1: Sex in the City was a dumb show. About as intellectually stimulating as a baseball game.
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Sunday 07 March
By Beverly
oh. but you men love us.
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Sunday 08 August
By Reignbow
no we "LOVE" your bodies ... the mind we can do without.
Sunday 07 March
By Richard
Mark, I'm sorry to disabuse you of the notion that "real men drink beer". Real men drink tequila shooters but in moderation.
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Friday 12 March
By Wendy
I am currently researching and writing a book on the war between men and women. Time to stand down and stop this battle!
You think you boys don't have some annoying habits??? Half of the human race....hmmm....I think we can all just give each other a break, ok? Yes, women can be annoying and mysterious. You try bleeding every month for about 35 years and see just how fun it is. Us girls are strongly affected by our uterus and ovaries, yes, where we are in our cycle, are we pregnant, are we not pregnant, are we ovulating, where's the dang diaphragm/birth control pills, which pants do I wear today, in case I have gained a few pounds around the middle. Hey, that is the price we pay, and YOU pay, for the birth of the human race. Both boys and girls enter the world from a woman's uterus, either through that marvelous doorway known as the vagina, or through a C-section. I think women deserve just a bit more courtesy. That being said, men deserve a break as well, as they do many wonderful things, including men in the military, firefighters, police officers, etc. I personally appreciate feeling protected (and yes, I know, many women participate in that, I am just using this for a point to make, ok?) Please stop the carping and learn to help each other. We do need each other. Women, act like a lady, men, act like a gentleman. That is a great way to smooth the interchange between all us humans.
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Sunday 07 March
By Kay
obviously feminism is dead - horribly unenlightened article and equally uninformed comments for the most part - truly sad
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Sunday 07 March
By girl
so men and women are different and sometimes we don't get each other.... that's why we love each other
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Sunday 07 March
By bev
There are a lot of men out there that care what a home looks like. A lot of men that think having candles at a dinner table is nice. These kind of men are what I call "real men". Men that aren't afraid to say they appreciate nice things. Men that don't have to go all macho to impress other males. Its the people like shutup on his thread that are afraid that people will think him a sissy if he says what he really feels. Using harsh words doesn't make a man. shutup = before to you go Iraq I hope you find yourself and realize you have a lot further to go before your a real man.
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Sunday 07 March
By Gia
I only agree with liking candles, pillows and greeting cards. If he can't figure out why...he has a problem.
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Tuesday 09 March
By Krista
10. What does our zodiac sign have to do with anything?
It's not exactly the zodiac sign that really means anything (to most girls at least)... it's the point the horoscopes make. Along with the zodiac sign comes typical personality traits that are quite often right on. If we really like you, we could care less if your zodiac sign is compatible with ours. If we don't really like you, we could also care less if your zodiac sign is compatible with ours.
9. Why do you need so many pillows?
We need lots of pillows when we are single so we can cuddle with something.. then along comes a guy.. and we have so many pillows that we have to keep them on the bed because we've no where else to put them. Ever tried storing pillows? They take up lots of room. Plain and simple... is it disappointing that it's not a mystery anymore?
8. Why are greeting cards so important?
Because we aren't cave men and we use words to explain our feelings.You should try it sometime.. it would probably get you laid.
7. Who needs candles when we have electricity?
We are sorry we don't like our house smelling like dirty socks. You know how you think your girlfriend's room smells so good? It's because of candles.. idiot.
6. Why do you need to post everything on Facebook?
Contrary to popular belief... our whole lives do not revolve around impressing or seeking the attention of a man. Mostly, we are trying our best to impress and win the attention of other girls. It's sad but true. That personal shrine is for the other girls on our Facebook, not for you.
5. Why do you like bubble baths so much?
Obviously the guy/ guys who wrote this has never showered or bathed with a woman where the only lighting was candles.... Um. Hello! These things make us feel sexy. When we feel sexy, men get sexy time. Why fn complain?
4. Is that a purse or a suitcase?
You won't be complaining about this when she sneaks a six pack into the movie theatre next week, or when you get a paper cut a bleed all over your suit because she has an alcohol swab, neosporin, and a band aid in there (and probably a shout wipe to get the blood off your suit). Girls with big purses never go without. Think about that.
3. Is crying the answer for every emotion?
Yes. We can't help it. You would think there was something wrong with us if we didn't cry.
2. If you don't like her then why is she your "friend"?
Frenemies are just as important sometimes as true friends. These girls reflect something about our own selves we don't like, so we keep them in our life until our insecurities are resolved. You can think this is ridiculous, but at least we don't take it out on our boyfriends as our boyfriends take their insecurities out on us.
1. Four words: "Sex and the City"
It's a show. If a girl is really comparing you to one of the guys on it.... your the douche who started dating someone dumb and shallow in the first place (probably just because you thought she was hot..)
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Tuesday 13 April
By Bearfoot
Sexism, yay!
I know it's probably been said before but let's hear it for double standards.
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Friday 04 June
By kenny komodo
I' ve been married for thirty years. My wife, BTW, is Korean and looks pretty much like she did that day thirty years when we met, shorter hair, a few wrinkles. She doesn't understand much of this list but does somewhat relate to the zodiac list only her list is the 12 year cycle of animals. Kind of weird I know but she is very happy to have been born in the Year of the Tiger. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't survive in today's dating environment.
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Monday 27 September
By Anonymous
Truth. Little sexist towards woman at some points, but truth nonetheless.
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