Maybe we're biased, but guys like to think of ourselves as pretty easy to understand (sex, food, sex, sports and, um, sex). Women, on the other hand, have a trailer-load of quirks that just don't translate in the male universe. Here are a few female obsessions that guys think are totally weird.
10. What does our zodiac sign have to do with anything?
If the sun, moon and stars have so much control over our compatibility, we wonder what a bowl of Lucky Charms can do. Got milk?
9. Why do you need so many pillows?
Unless there's a surprise orgy scheduled for later, we don't see the need for 20 "decorative" pillows on the bed. Wait, there aren't any secret orgy parties, right?8. Why are greeting cards so important?
It may have taken you hours to select the perfect card with just the right message, but it'll take us five seconds to toss it in the recycling bin. Sorry, we don't do Hallmark moments. Lingerie makes for a much better memory and memento.
7. Who needs candles when we have electricity?
If you're looking for low lighting, the glare from the TV as we're playing Madden should suffice. If it's the pretty flame that fascinates you, feel free to utilize the one on the stove to make us a grill cheese sandwich.
6. Why do you need to post everything on Facebook?
We don't smile for pictures and we definitely don't spend hours in the mirror practicing our pose, but apparently you girls do and build digital shrines to yourselves. Unless there are a few naked shots in the bunch, we're not interested in seeing slideshows of your entire life -- or how cute your cat is.
5. Why do you like bubble baths so much?
When it comes to bathroom activities, we enjoy standing as much as possible, so give us a shower (and a urinal) any day. Besides, since when is lying in a tepid pool of your own filth sexy? The bubbles don't help either.
4. Is that a purse or a suitcase?
The good thing about a home is it provides a great place to store all your stuff. There's no need to lug a week's worth of items around in a bag that's bigger than most small dogs. When we go out, we only carry what we need in a lovely invention known as the pocket. We're sure you've heard of it.
3. Is crying the answer for every emotion?
You cry when you're sad. You cry when you're mad. You even cry when you're happy. We just don't. It's less confusing that way.
2. If you don't like her then why is she your "friend"?
We just don't get why y'all hang out with someone on a regular basis and then talk smack about her behind her back. We don't like catty, but be sure to call us if there's a catfight.
1. Four words: "Sex and the City"
We thought show's cancellation would help, but with a second film adaptation on the way we'll have to suffer through even more comparisons to guys who don't even exist. What grown man wants to be called "Burger"? Now if there was a character with a cool name like "Mr. Big" we might be more inclined to pay attention. Oh, there is a guy named Mr. Big? So, how much sex actually happens in this city again?
(All images: Flickr, Getty Images)
Anslem Samuel is a New York-based journalist who has written for Essence, Penthouse, XXL, The Source and StreetLevel among others. He blogs daily about sex, relationships and all the fun stuff in between at NakedWithSocksOn.com.
More '10 Things' Lists from Lemondrop:
+ 10 Things Not to Say to a Fat Guy
+ 10 Things Not to Say on a Road Trip
+ 10 Men Not to Date in 2010
+ 10 Songs You Should Never Listen To After a Breakup
+ 10 Things Not to Say to a Coworker You Have a Crush On
+ The entire "10 Things" category page