According to Esquire, women aren't attracted to vampires in movies and on television because they're hot -- we're attracted to them because we all secretly want to have sex with gay dudes. Sorry, Robert Pattinson, turns out you just remind us of a sparkly, prancing dandy. And vampire Eric, apparently we think you would make a great addition to our next sleepover.

But if we're only into vampires because we want to bone dudes playing for the other team, what about other monsters? What does it mean to be attracted to them?

If the idea of a werewolf gets your motor running, you're probably into lumberjacks. Flannel shirt? Check? Filthy Jeans? Check. A propensity for going out and getting crazy when the moon is full? Check. Or you might just be really into Mediterranean dudes, with the body hair and whatnot.

Really? Way to play it safe. Your ideal man works at an office in a cubicle. His idea of a good time is to loosen his tie and meander around aimlessly. He has a comfort zone and hates to leave it. For example, he wants the same thing for dinner every night.

Keep reading for more monster matches made in heaven.

Congratulations! You, ma'am, are a gold digger.

The Predator
With that mask and that hair, you know what else looks just like the Predator? Football players with dreadlocks.

Frankenstein's Monster
Frankenstein is the strong silent type. Very strong. With moderate brain damage. Kind of like a boxer.

Swamp Thing
Swamp thing reminds us of just about every gutter punk/hippie dude we've ever known -- he smells bad, looks disgusting and is really into the environment.

King Kong
OK, clearly you have seen "Mighty Joe Young" one too many times.

Freddy Krueger
You're just looking for a homebody. He loves little kids and will paint your fingernails for fun. He's also probably very into literature, especially Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde, because he just loves speaking in rhyme, or at least making cheesy puns.