One of the best parts of having a platonic guy friend is having a go-to for the male perspective. And now I'm going to share my guy friend, Peter, with the world -- by answering your questions and then getting his take.
"I've been dating a guy for the last month. After just two weeks, though, he said 'I love you.' I really, really like this guy but in my opinion, it's way too soon for the L-word. I didn't say it back, and now I'm freaked out that he's waiting for me to return his affections." -- Sara, 25
Wait a second, who does that?
Oh, I've had it happen not once, but twice, so I know how it feels. You think everything is going great with this new boy because you're obviously in the honeymoon stage, then boom. Too soon!
They had never seen my temper, we hadn't had our first argument, and I still popped gum in my mouth upon waking to avoid morning breath. I feel like saying "I love you" that soon is cheating and kind of copping out of actually loving someone because you're not giving the best and worst sides of each other a chance to mesh.
When this happened to me, I think I smiled politely and said something along the lines of 'no, you don't ...'Peter:
You may feel lust, and even strong like, but love is when you argue with someone and are still there for them no matter what. It's dead honesty and you shouldn't even have to say it because you know it's there. Maybe this is something some guys think girls want to hear? But using the word 'love' without that deep down feeling of actual love is an insecurity -- he needs to know you feel the same way.
This could be the beginning of the end if you don't straighten things out with him. If both people aren't on the same page for this huge milestone it becomes a struggle. And you should not say it back if you don't feel it.
Or you can just drop the best line ever: "Me too ..."
That would go over great! But I'm afraid I have to agree with Peter on this one. I'm not going to say the relationship is going to end, but it could get worse before it starts getting better. Hearing "I love you" when you're not ready to hear it creates an unspoken rift. It's thrown off balance.
You don't want to feel pressured into feeling something that isn't there yet, and you need to tell him that. Otherwise you'll end up like I did, feeling suffocated and running as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Explain to him why you're not ready to say -- let alone hear -- "I love you," but make sure he knows it doesn't mean you want the relationship to end.
Be up front, but do it nicely. Ultimately you'll have to figure out a way to find that natural balance again, and that'll take some time. If he's rushing you after you've let him know how you feel, kick him to the curb because odds are he's a serious clinger and you want nothing to do with him!
Have you been the victim of a much too soon L-bomb dropping? How did you handle the situation?
Kristen Rollins blogs about relationships for Lemondrop and would appreciate it if her next boyfriend took his time when it came to uttering the words "I love you." Peter Fertiguena runs Academy Printwear and swears it would take him at least six months ... If you have a question you'd like Kristen and Peter to answer leave it in the comments!
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