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A waitress with a sailor's mouth wants to set the record straight about what caused the car accident she was in last Thursday, an accident which for some reason is surrounded by rumors of fellatio.

Allyson White is a waitress at the Humpty Doo Tavern in Humpty Doo, Australia, and she ardently denies that some kind of "amorous activities" were the cause of the crash she was in last week, saying, "Clearly I had my seat belt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his d*** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a f***ing rubber neck." Ahem. Well put.

As for why these rumors got started in the first place, White had this to say: "It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me."

"But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job.''

Allyson is mostly upset about the rumors because, according to her, they aren't true, and now people think she was ... pleasuring one of her friends behind her boyfriend's back. But it's probably much simpler than that; after all, the driver did blow .147 on a breathalyzer, and he doesn't have a license either, both of which are much more likely to cause an accident than his being "hung like a donkey."