I was showering when my boyfriend opened the shower door and asked, "Have you seen my hand wraps?"
"They're in your dresser, top drawer."
He shut the door and went away. A little while later, we were sitting on the sofa, when he said, "Were you shaving your feet in there? Is that what I saw?"
There was a long pause. Then I answered, "Yes."
Just to set the record straight: Most girls who have black or brown hair on their head also have black and brown hair on their body. All over their body. I'm going to be completely and totally honest here.
"So ... you have hairy feet?"
We've been dating for three years, and this is the first time he's caught me doing that.
"Well, I have hair on my feet. I wouldn't call them HAIRY FEET."
He cocked his head like a curious dog, pondering.
A few weeks later we were lying in bed. I was on my stomach. My boyfriend sweetly rubbed the base of my back ... and then shouted, "Oh my God! Look at this pelt of hair you have on your backside!"
Again, three years and he's never noticed. I was a little embarrassed, but mostly annoyed as he continued to tease me for my "pelt of hair," which is actually just some minor fuzz at the base of my back. I usually shave it or bleach it, but I guess I've been lax with personal grooming since my mom died. And, by the way, boyfriend, I guess you've forgotten the many times I've helped you pluck long black curly hairs from your ears. But I can see how you might forget something like that!
DEAL WITH IT. IT'S NATURAL. I would have a Frida Kahlo unibrow (see the amazing snap of her at right) if I didn't wax between my eyes. I would also have a pretty thick mustache if I didn't wax it and pluck it and shave it all the time. If it weren't for the extremely expensive series of laser hair removal treatments, my legs would be covered in thick, dark, coarse hair, not unlike the arms of a long-haul trucker. If it weren't for that same laser treatment my pubes would go half way down my thighs. TMI? Too bad!
That's the price you pay, when bedding a hot, sassy Mediterranean broad like myself. Sure we have a little excess body hair -- that we usually groom meticulously, including the whiskers that grow from my chin (that you have no idea about because I'm plucking them constantly) -- but we are great in the sack and passionate about said sack action. So buck up, little camper, and deal with the "pelt" if you want to continue getting the sweet loving that you've come to expect on a regular basis.
Gentlemen, when you see excess body hair here or there get down on your knees and thank the sweet baby Jesus that you just landed a live one.