In country star Loretta Lynn's delightful memoir, "Still Woman Enough," she discloses that she didn't know that having babies was caused by having sex until after she was married and pregnant. We hear you, Loretta. After a recent informal survey around the office, we found out that we had some pretty wacky sexual misconceptions growing up. So we asked our friends, co-workers, and Twitter buddies to tell us their most wrong-headed notions about "makin' time."
Below, check out our roundup of childhood sexual misconceptions, helpfully ranked on a scale of Sexual Confusion. And thank your lucky stars for public school and HBO, because if we hadn't eventually learned about sex, we'd all be pregnant, in prison, or incredibly frustrated by the search for the elusive navel G-spot.
Misconception: "I thought sex was naked people on top of each other groping and kissing, like in movies. In fifth grade, my brother told me the penis went INSIDE. I was horrified." -- Meg, 28
Sexual Confusion Index: 3 out 11 Andy Dicks
Misconception: "My babysitter told me you could get AIDS from crying." -- Laura, 32.
Sexual Confusion Index: 3.5 out of 6 Alexis Arquettes



Misconception: "Penis + bellybutton = baby. I used to think that was the only way to do it, but now I realize that's just my preferred method." -- Sarah, 25
Sexual Confusion Index: 2 out of 6 Anne Heches


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Misconception: "The boyfriend I had when I was 18 still thought that girls only had one 'hole.'" -- Gina, 23
Sexual Confusion Index: 4 out of 7 Lohans




Misconception: "I once asked my grandma, 'Why do they call it blow if you suck?'" -- Alexis, 24.
Sexual Confusion Index: 2 out of 11 Andy Dicks
Misconception: "I thought a girl got pregnant when a guy peed in her." -- Erin, 26.
Sexual Confusion Index: 3 out of 6 Alexis Arquettes


Misconception: "I had no concept of a penis. I thought men had three balls and that's it. I'm glad I was wrong." -- Diana, 24.
Sexual Confusion Index: 5 out of 6 Anne Heches





Misconception: "My parents gave me the 'Where Did I Come From?' book when I was really young. So from the illustrations I thought babies were made by two hippies." -- Maggie, 28
Sexual Confusion Index: 2 out of 7 Lohans


Misconception: "I used to think that sex was for two people who really loved each other." -- Molly, 23
Sexual Confusion Index: 7 out of 7 Andy Dicks
Misconception: "I knew that sperm and eggs made babies. But, my parents neglected to mention these things came from people. For several years I thought that you could pick up eggs and sperm and go home and make yourself a baby. Kinda like pancakes." -- Ben, 26
Sexual Confusion Index: 5 out of 6 Alexis Arquettes





Misconception: "Two words: vagina dentata." - Tom, 29
Sexual Confusion Index: 4 out of 5 Anne Heches




All Photos Credit: Getty Images












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Monday 12 October
By carre'ann
it doesn't matter..size that is...if yer 'excited'..yer 'excited...simple..but i like women,and men..and for me a simple touch ignites every fiber of my being..and no,i'm not a floozy..and i am picky..( 7 men/ 4 women over my 40 years of life..the fella who was 'large' actually was my least favorite..)
Tuesday 22 September
By LW
For some reason, when I was a kid I thought that a man fertilized a woman's egg by peeing inside of her.
Reply
Friday 25 September
By sammii3
ahahahahahahaaa me too!!!
Tuesday 22 September
By gary70brox
I thought my penis was short because the Doctor had cut the umbilical cord off to short.
Reply
Tuesday 22 September
By fratdawgg23
When I was 7 or 8, a buddy told me that sex entailed "putting the penis in the girl's hair". He had seen his older brother's porno flick, so I figured he knew what he was talking about. Of course, he didn't clarify 'which' hair, leaving me w/a rather inaccurate mental picture of coitus. A few months later, thankfully, I learned that vaginas also have hair and that's where the penis inserts for sex.
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Tuesday 22 September
By Jill
What the hoot?
e cigarette
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Tuesday 22 September
By Hmm....
Hey, I remember that time when they told people circumcision had medical benefits... oh... wait... that's right... they're still lying about that!
IMO the biggest misconception is that circumcision isn't harmful to a sexual relation... such BS.
Reply
Monday 12 October
By carre'ann
this is why i choose to not 'circumsize' my son..the men i have know intimately in my life..have all had issues..areas of numbness..etc..with scarred area's due to the doctors knife...it saddened me to think my son would encounter the same....my in laws were furious with me..and my choice..while i was in the throes of labor..i walked my mum in law over to the 'circumstraint' table..a veritable 'torture' looking device..where they strap a new born boy down...and remove the foreskin...she wasn't happy..but understood a little more...all women should be educated about what actually happens to their new born boy child..i understand somewhat with Jewish folk..but it is also done much more lovingly and in a supportive environment..in any case..it is a barbaric tradition that should be banned..
Tuesday 22 September
By Christine
Well, I have been a nurse for 13 years, and 9 of that was spent in an OB/GYN clinic- I have heard some doozies (I am composing a book ) - but the best by far has been the "common sense" spew from a first time mother ( who up until her delivery ) refused to take a bath or a shower for fear she would "drown her baby"- consequently, she lectured several times regarding personal hygiene.
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Tuesday 22 September
By Don Anderson
Here's a two big mis conceptions::
That women can't ejaculate and that the Gspot doesn't exist
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Tuesday 22 September
By lisa
i thought a girl could get pregnant by sitting in a chair that a boy just got out of when i was about 7.
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Tuesday 22 September
By ashley
my dad farms watermelons and tomatoes. I thought pregnant women had watermelons in their stomachs and I was terrified to swallow a seed.
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Tuesday 22 September
By Marion
When I was young. I thought you BOTH had to be in your period to get pregant
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Tuesday 22 September
By CatD
I use to think oral sex meant you talked about. Imagine my surprise when I found out what it really meant as a college freshman!
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Tuesday 22 September
By CatD
I thought oral sex meant you talked about it. Imagine my surprise when I found out what it really meant!
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Tuesday 22 September
By Kristi
When my kids were 6 and 8, we welcomed a new addition. For weeks, the kids went with me to my doctor's appointments, and every week, they alternately asked if we were going to get the zipper put in my belly so we could go home and get the baby out. It didn't dawn on me what they were talking about until my doctor commented on the fact that my previous c-section scar was healed enough that if another c-section was required, no new scarring would occur.
Another one:
My daughter - at 8 years old, was watching a Discovery Channel show about parenting in nature. Afterwards she came to me and said, "Wow...what a rip off...Why can't DADDY carry the new baby like the seahorses do? How did you get so unlucky to have to do ALL the work?"
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Thursday 24 September
By abrew
your daughter's a smart girl!
Thursday 24 September
By Susan
I used to think you got pregnant by just kissing and that the "seed" my mother told be about was passed on this way, so for a long time I never kissed my boyfriend.
Reply
Thursday 24 September
By Jamy
I thought that you got pregant by sitting on the toilet after a boy. That's why they stood to pee so you wouldn't have a baby also this is why we had to hover in public.
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Thursday 24 September
By Gossalini
I used 2 believe that both the man & the woman had 2 cum in order 4 thr woman become pregnant & the woman had 2b on top
Reply