We can't believe we're going to use the phrases "bear trainer," "performing llama" and "garden thieves" all in one post, but as you'll see, this video left us no option. Apparently Dmitri is a former bear trainer who lives with his performing llama, Fantik, in a tiny Moscow apartment. But wait, friends -- it gets better.

After a somewhat disturbing string of images involving Fantik licking water from the sink and scarfing down what appears to be ground beef, we find out that the llama is actually Dmitri's second. So what happened to the original llama? It was shot by garden thieves. Naturally. At this point, we can't get the image of naughty, pistol-wielding, murderous lawn gnomes out of our heads, so just watch this circus mess along with us. (Thanks, Buzzfeed!)