Being an oral goddess may not be your top priority, but it's a pretty handy (or, er, mouthy) skill to have. After all, who doesn't want to be the kind of gal whose mere memory can bring a wistful smile to any ex's face? And if that doesn't convince you to upgrade your oral game, consider the benefits of potential reciprocity.
Check out these expert tips from research sexologist, sex journalist, Lemondrop contributor and "The Sex Bible" author Susan Crain Bakos. Going dowwwwwwwwwwn ...
Putting On the Condom
If this isn't your long-term guy, he should be wearing a condom. And while he can probably put it on with his eyes closed it's sexier if you do it ... with your mouth.
Bakos advises rubbing a small amount of lubricant onto him before putting a non-lubricated condom, tip facing in, in your mouth with the the ring in front of your teeth. Use your tongue to keep the tip in place against the roof of your mouth as you lower your head and use your lips to gently unroll the condom down the shaft.
Kiss and lick his inner thighs while you tease his testicles -- lightly scratch, pull, roll them around, and pull them one at a time in your mouth. While you're attending to his balls, run your fingers up and down his shaft.
"Once he's erect, get comfortable, either kneeling beside him, between his legs or perpendicular to his body. Or bring him to the edge of the bed and kneel on the floor. Wet your lips and be sure that your lips cover your teeth. Run your tongue around the head of his penis to moisten it."
"Hold the base of his penis firmly in one hand," Bakos continues. "With the other hand, form a circle of your thumb and forefinger--what sex expert Lou Paget calls 'the ring and the seal'--to prevent him from going in further than you would like. Twist that hand along the shaft as you move your mouth up and down."
Bakos recommends swirling your tongue around the head, then working it in long strokes up and down the shaft. Lick along the ridge of the corona (the ridge connecting head and shaft) while working the shaft with your hands.
"Strum the frenulum (the elastic band of tissue on the underside of the shaft) with your tongue, then lick the raphe (the seam on the underside of the shaft, continuing into the scrotum). Do at least 10 or 20 seconds of this showy move: Repeatedly pull his penis into your mouth, then push it out, using suction, while keeping that tongue in motion.
Bakos also recommends making eye contact from time to time, which will help you connect with your partner.
Rein in Your Reflex
Is he packing more heat than your sensitive gag reflex can handle? "Concentrate attention during fellatio on the head of his penis and the first third of the shaft," Bakos says. "Focus on his perineum (the spot between his butt and balls), and he won't notice or care that you don't take the entire shaft into your mouth. Plus, Lou's ring and seal trick fools him into thinking you are taking in more than you are."
Time It Right
Some days, a blow job is just an amuse bouche to warm him up for intercourse. "Follow his lead if he pulls back from stimulation," Bakos says. "He knows his body. Put his hand on your vagina and let him stimulate you until his excitement subsides a bit."
Of course, sometimes you want him to get off. To ensure a powerful climax, Bakos suggests applying light pressure to his perineum using your thumb or finger.
"And if you want to give him something really special when he's near ejaculation" she says, "Take his pelvis in both hands and rock him toward you so that he goes deeper into your mouth."
To Spit or Swallow?
Whether you swallow is a personal choice. Bakos recommends swallowing as it makes "a man feel totally accepted and loved."
The simplest posture for this, Bakos says, is lying back with your head off the bed. "Your mouth and throat will form a smooth line. Have him straddle your face for the elegant finish to a perfect blow job."
If you don't want to swallow, you can have him leave the condom on as he ejaculates, or suggest that he finish on your breasts.
Bouncing Back From a No-Go
Let's say you've followed these tips and he's still not coming. Don't take it personally, and don't beat a dead horse (or a limp noodle). "Sometimes the world's greatest blow job won't get him up or keep him there. If he's been drinking heavily, is on medication, or ejaculated 10 minutes ago, give your mouth a rest and put his into action. Maybe it's your turn today, not his." Well, if you insist ...
Once you've got the basics committed to muscle memory, you can put more of your attention to getting off while you're giving head? Really!
Tell Us: What's your slam-dunk blow job move?